


What a Little Moonlight Can Do

by alipucca



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Drinking, Drinking & Talking, F/F, France (Country), Paris (City), Smoking, Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-05-12 13:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 45,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5668450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alipucca/pseuds/alipucca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After two weeks of being at the brink of having a nervous breakdown, Laura Hollis decides that she's had enough. Taking the drastic decision of leaving her job, her apartment, leaving her bank accounts to zero, she fits her clothes in a suitcase and buys a one-way ticket to what will be either the best or worst weeks of her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

       As Laura sat down with a disposable cup of coffee wrapped around her fingers, she never would have guessed that in less than twenty four hours she’d find herself without a job, a home, her sole possessions fitted in a suitcase, left her bank accounts to zero, and a one-way ticket under her name.

_        Diiing donnng _ .

       “Attention, passengers,” a woman’s voice came from the PA “on AirStyria flight 1698 with destination to Paris, France. Please proceed to gate B22, boarding will now begin. Attention passengers on AirStyria flight 1698 with destination to Paris, France. Please proceed to board on Gate B22.”

       Laura finished drinking her coffee, stood up from the small coffee table, held her carryon bag and began walking to gate B22. As she made her way through the airport, she noticed the different types of people around her. There were the obvious people, mostly teenagers who seemed overly enthusiastic about their trip, taking pictures every chance they could. There were others who seemed like they could barely hold it together, exhaustion evident in their eyes. There were others who were at ease and rather bored, probably the executives who travelled more than they should and knew the airport like the palm of their hands. And of course, there were people like her, too lost to even know where the hell they were going, clutching their belongings as if their lives depended upon it.

       Walking from gate to the other, Laura noticed a line of people was already formed in her assigned gate and the more she advanced, the more nervous she became. It had been years since she had went on a travel, and even more so since she had been on a plane. 

_        Here we go _ , she thought as the line slowly progressed, taking her plane ticket and passport from her bag and handed it to the airline attendant, who gave her a tired smile and wished her a safe flight as she scanned it and handed her passport back to her.

       Laura walked through the slanted tunnel and entered the airplane, only to have to wait for people already gathered in the narrow hall to finish placing their belongings in the compartments overhead. After crossing the first class section and entered coach, her eyes flickered between her ticket and her assigned seat.  _ 23B, 24B, 25B, okay one more to get to 26B _ , Laura thought to herself before she came to a stop and noticed that there was a girl with black ripped jeans, black hoodie and headphones in her ears already seated in 26B.

       “Um, excuse… excuse me,” Laura said but the girl had her eyes closed. “Excuse me.”

       The girl opened her eyes as Laura raised her voice, causing people to stare in her direction.

       “I believe you are in my seat.”

       “No I’m not,” The girl said and once again closed her eyes.

       “Yes, you are. That’s me, see?” She showed her ticket to the girl wearing black, who once again opened her eyes and stared at her ticket, then fixed her eyes at Laura before she removed her headphones.

       “I don’t care what your ticket says, sweetheart.” Her voice was surprisingly not harsh, but hinted with drowsiness. The girl sighed and added, “either you take the window seat or find another place because I’m not going anywhere.” Laura thought for a moment before the girl moved her legs and she was able to move next to the window.

       “Thanks.” Laura took the small bundle of pillow and blanket on her newly assigned seat, placed her carryon bag underneath her feet and fastened her seatbelt.

       “Sure.”

       The girl next to her seemed to be fast asleep, so Laura tried to be as quiet as possible before the captain’s appeared through the speakerphone as the plane started moving, making Laura’s heart started beating faster. The flight attendants followed by proceeding to give the safety rules and measures about the airplane in case of emergencies, but Laura noticed that almost no one was paying attention. She turned to the small pamphlet on the small bag in front of her and started reading it.

       “You don’t fly very often, cutie?” Her seatmate said with eyes still closed.

       “No.”

       “You nervous?” She opened her eyes and fixed them on Laura

       “Does it show?” Laura mumbled as she adjusted her seat belt for the tenth time and her seatmate chuckled. 

       “Just a little bit.”

       With the increase of speed, Laura’s hands clawed against the armrest tightly as the plane continued gathering speed through the runway until the friction of the tires against the asphalt disappeared. As the airplane continued ascending, Laura‘s breathing became erratic as she felt a pressure pushing on her stomach and her ears popped despite her doing everything she could to stop them.

       “Do you want some gum?” the girl offered Laura.

       “What?” Laura asked, the question caught her off-guard but she could not turn her head, feeling that she was going to get sick any second.

       “For your ears,” the girl said and offered a small piece of gum appeared in her near vision. 

       “Thanks,” Laura answered with gritted teeth and quickly started chewing gum, feeling relief in her ears almost immediately but she closed her eyes, feeling her heart pounding against her chest she was sure she was about to pass out.

       “My name’s Carmilla, by the way.”

       “Laura.” She answered with her teeth gritted, eyes still shut.

       “Pleased to meet you, sweetheart.”

 

\---

 

       “So what you’re telling me is that you are on your way to Paris on a whim?” Her tone came out serious, but Laura could still not figure out whether Carmilla was making fun of her or not.

       Laura found it hard to read Carmilla and it intrigued her. At first she came off to Laura as someone who was just bored, which was accentuated by her snarky remarks and her sarcasm, not to mention she seemed to be a total flirt. But after they spent a few hours together, she seemed to have let her guard down for a couple of minutes and Laura could see that she was someone who cared too much, but was afraid of showing it. The first example was Carmilla offering the piece of gum to her when the plane departed, but after that she gave Laura the silent treatment for about an hour by making Laura think that she had gone to sleep.

       It wasn’t until Laura took out a pen and started drawing and writing on her travelling journal that caught Carmilla’s attention and they started talking about art and literature.

       “I wouldn’t say it was a whim,” was Laura’s answer to Carmilla. “I just… I just thought that it was the right time to do it.”

       “So dropping everything in your life and buying a ticket to Paris was something that you had been planning for a year?”

       “Not exactly,” Laura answered, noticing Carmilla was looking at her attentively.

       Carmilla’s eyes were penetrating that she at first had a hard time staring back at. She felt like they were able to see through her, something that Laura had only experienced very few times in her life and it was probably the most intimidating feeling in the world.

       “Have you ever felt like your life has no meaning?” Laura began again looking at Carmilla, who in turn looked at the styrofoam cup and took a sip from it. “Like all of those plans you had when you were younger had been set aside and you no longer have the control of your life, but someone else does?” She waited for Carmilla to say something, but nothing came out. “That happened to me. 

       “I came to realize that I had no friends because I was always stuck at work and I didn’t really liked my colleagues enough to hang out with them after work, so I was always by myself. That my work had taken over my life and every day was the same tedious and boring routine. I would wake up, go to work, stay overtime because I was drowning in projects that once I got back to my apartment I was too tired to do anything so I went to bed to repeat the same thing the next day and the one after that. And even on my days off I  _ still _ had to do all of these other things that I never had time to even relax a bit. 

       “So long story short, everything changed two weeks ago when I found my dad’s graduation present. He gave me this journal and a letter saying that he hoped that I would fulfill my dreams, travel to all the places I always dreamed of and be happy. This journal made me realize that I was miserable, that I really disliked my job and that all the money I had been saving ever since I started working so that ‘one day I will travel’ was just gathering dust at the bank because I was going nowhere. So, after two weeks of feeling like I was about to suffer a nervous breakdown, I quit my job, left my apartment, got all the money out of my bank account and well… the rest is history.” 

       There was a dragging silence between them. She felt as if saying it out loud relieved her from a weight she didn’t knew she was carrying on her shoulders, and that even though she had only met Carmilla in a matter of hours, there was something that she liked to be able to confide with someone who she was probably never going to see ever again.

       “Even though I think that it was foolish of you to leave your bank account in zeros and are practically homeless, I think it was very brave of you to do it.” Carmilla chuckled but then her features became serious. “It takes a lot of courage to take control of your life and not care what other people think.”

       They shared a glance, and Laura could see a warmth in Carmilla’s eyes but the latter soon turned her face. Laura was not sure if she was blushing since her wavy hair was hiding her face.

       “Thanks Carmilla,” Laura said.

       “But I still think you did all of this by impulse.”

 

\---

 

       As the hours passed, Laura found out that Carmilla had moved to Paris when she was twenty and had a younger brother and an older half-sister. She liked black coffee, always wore black, can play both the piano and cello, and studied Finances. Can speak English, French, German, Italian and a little bit of Spanish.

       “Don’t you ever get confused with all those languages?” Laura asked.

       “I used to, especially when I started teaching myself Italian and Spanish at the same time.”

       “Are you serious? Didn’t you had a childhood or something?”

       “Childhood is an overrated thing that people cling onto like it was the best time of their lives when in reality it was just a bunch of kids running around not knowing what the hell they were doing for the most part.” Carmilla said with a bored tone, before her lips curled. “I’m kidding, sweetheart. I have some good memories of my childhood. I know English because my father is French, my mother is English. I was born in France before moving to the US for the first three years of my life before moving back to France till I was eight before moving to Florence, and after like three or four years we moved to Germany.”

       “So you’re heading to Germany now?

       “No. I’m heading to Paris.”

       “That’s where you live now?”

       “Yep. I moved back to Paris when I turned seventeen, and have lived there ever since.”

       “What are you rich or something?”

       “My parents are.”

       “Can it be possible to switch lives so I can get to travel as much as you do?”

       “It’s not that fun, cupcake. I did it because my family moved a lot, and if I’m being honest with you, it gets old after a while.”

       “How so?”

       “I never really got many friends because I knew that they were only temporary. And I made even less friends since  _ maman _ always made me take piano, bass and cello classes. So no, it’s not fun.”

       “Do you still travel a lot then?”

       “It’s part of my job.”

       “So if you don’t like travelling, why do you still hold your job?”

       “It’s not always that bad, cutie. They pay is pretty good, so I can’t complain about the money. I guess there comes a point where all the airports and hotel rooms start to blend and become unmemorable. But the things that I truly hate are the endless and pointless meetings and trying to memorize names and faces, the never knowing how long it is until you have to travel again so you never bother to fully unpack your bags. Things like that.” Carmilla took her eyes from Laura up to the small screen in front of her and said, “Do you want to watch a movie?”

       Laura accepted Carmilla’s invitation, so they both pulled out their headphones and selected on a movie from the small screen in the seat in front of them. The movie was a period drama and Laura was invested enough in it that she didn’t noticed when Carmilla had dozed off, her face hidden underneath the hoodie. Without being able to pause it, Laura continued listening to the movie but her eyes were now fixed upon the girl sitting next to her.

       Carmilla’s expression was so peaceful that Laura started looking at her with more attention, noticing the curve of her eyebrows, her curled eyelashes, the bridge of her nose before her eyes travelled to her lips. For a second, Laura thought that Carmilla was only trying to be polite with her and conversed every now and then, when in reality all she wanted to do was to sleep. Laura felt a pang of guilt as she noticed the small bags underneath her eyes as her breath evened out and her head began leaning towards her left more and more until she suddenly opened her eyes and she was face to face with Laura. 

       With the distance so close between them, Laura had some difficulty thinking straight, trying not to divert her eyes to Carmilla’s lips, but instead focused on her eyes. 

       “Sorry for dozing off, cupcake.” Carmilla said and started shifting her position in her seat.

       “It’s okay.” Laura said, sad but relieved that Carmilla was the one that pulled away first. “I’m feeling a little tired myself.” 

       “You should get some sleep.”

       Carmilla shifted in her seat, tucking the small blanket around herself and closed her eyes.

       Laura did the same, tucking the small pillow between the window and herself, and pulled the small blanket up to her chin. She pressed the light switches overhead off and closed her eyes, falling asleep within a matter of minutes.

 

\---

 

       “You can’t be serious.”

       “I am.” Laura said and Carmilla facepalmed herself. “Do you think I can’t handle myself?”

       Their interaction had changed throughout the course of the flight. They seemed to be more comfortable around each other, that the small brushes of arms or hands did not bothered them anymore.

       “I’m not saying that.” Carmilla turned to face Laura as her hand reached for another cup of coffee. “I just… how the hell do you plan in living in Paris for an indefinite amount of time when you don’t know anybody, don’t know anything besides a very poorly pronunciation and have nowhere to go?”

       “Well, when you put it  _ that _ way.” Laura said before she shrank a little bit in her seat. “I guess I didn’t think things through, didn’t I?”

       “You think? Cutie, I have known you for less than a day and I am already afraid of hearing in the news that you got mugged and murdered on a dark alley or at a park in Paris on your first day of arrival.”

       “Gee, thanks.” Laura said and tried to sound unaffected, but it was true what Carmilla said.

       There was a silence between them, and Laura began to worry about how she would fend for herself in Paris. It was true, she barely knew the language so it was going to be hard to ask for directions, and was even ignorant of how much the Euro was worth compared to the dollar.  She looked at the window, and for the first time she began to regret her decision of quitting everything to go and live “la vie boheme” she always read in books and saw in movies. 

       “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that.” Carmilla said but Laura’s eyes were still fixed on the clouds passing by. 

_        Diiing donnng _ .

       “Good afternoon passengers. This is your captain speaking. We’re about to start our descent into the Charles de Gaulle International airport. We expect to land at 11:45 am, with a ten minute delay. If you’d like to adjust your watch, it is now 11:17am in Paris. The weather outside is rainy with temperature of 12 degrees Celsius, or 54 Fahrenheit. We wish you a pleasant day in your stay in Paris and we hope to see you again very soon. On behalf of all the crew, thank you for choosing AirStyria and have a nice day.”

 

\---

 

       The Charles de Gaulle airport seemed to be under construction, with several sections looking like architecture that came from either the nineteen fifties or sixties, with the concrete ceilings and columns stained from condensation that contrasted with the clean and modern decoration they were giving it. As she made her way to the luggage claim area, she noticed that Carmilla was already waiting there.

       “Hey,” Laura said as she stood next to Carmilla.

       “Hey.”

       Laura didn’t know why she was so nervous being next to Carmilla, but as the rotating band started moving, she noticed Carmilla typing something on her phone before putting it away.

       “Thanks for everything, by the way.” Laura mentioned. “I hope I didn’t bore you or was the worst seat mate you’ve ever had.”

       “I guess you were one of the most decent ones I’ve had in a very long time.” Carmilla said, her eyes fixed on the rotating band but her lips curled slightly.

       None of them said anything after that, waiting and observing how people snatched the luggages and walked away, until Carmilla snatched hers first and gave Laura a smirk. The latter, on the other hand, was still waiting for her luggage to appear, waiting only a couple of seconds before she found it and walked over customs to get her passport stamped. 

       With Carmilla’s instructions still in mind, she made her way to the front entrance, stopping every three seconds as people slowly moved from one direction to the other or blocked her way with their carts filled with luggage. 

       As she made her way to the front entrance, she was greeted with a chill wind and rain, but nothing that Laura could not bear at the moment. Carmilla was already standing at the side of the door and holding her suitcase with one hand and her phone in another before placing it in her pocket.

       “I was beginning to worry you forgot my instructions, cupcake.”

       “No. It’s just… too many people.” Laura brought her suitcase close to her. “Is it always like this?”

       “It’s worse.” She said and pulled out her phone out once again. “Our ride should be here in a couple of minutes.” Carmilla said before turning to face Laura, her expression becoming serious. “Are you sure you want to do this? You can still say no and walk to where the taxis are, or go back inside and grab the metro. I won’t get upset if you do.”

       Laura shook her head and they both started heading towards the drop off section, swerving and serpentining through the crowd of people until they arrived and waited. 

       Even though Carmilla volunteered in helping her find a place to stay and give her a crash course of basic French to get around, Laura felt like the naive little girl that was too afraid of going out of her city limits and needed someone to hold her hand. At this moment, the person metaphorically holding her hand was Carmilla and it embarrassed Laura to no end. She always thought of herself as an independent woman, someone who would always figure things out without relying on others. But now that she was in a foreign country where she only picked up very few words as she heard people talk around her, she was content to be with Carmilla for a couple of hours until she felt it was safe for her to go on her own.

       “Come on, cupcake,” Carmilla raised her voice a few yards away and a tiny red car appeared before them and stopped, before a tall young man with deep blue eyes and brunette hair emerged from it, opening an umbrella and headed over to the trunk.

       “Welcome back sexy lady!” He extended his arms and gave Carmilla a hug that even raised her from her feet. “I missed you little hottie. How was your flight?”

       “How would you feel spending fourteen hours seated on a plane?” Carmilla responded.

       Laura had to stifle a laugh at how annoyed she seemed, but there was what a hint of a smile before her expression came back to annoyed.

       As Carmilla placed her suitcase on the trunk, the guy was about to close it but she placed her hand and looked back at Laura. 

       “Come on, cupcake.” She said and Laura quickly placed her suitcase and carryon bag on the trunk before the tall guy eyed them both and the widest smile appeared on his face.

       “Kirsch this is Laura, Laura, this is Kirsch.”

       “Hi, pleased to meet you, Kirsch. Laura Hollis.”

       “Pleased to meet you little hottie.” He answered, shaking Laura’s hand and gave her the warmest smile. “You leave for five days and come back with a girl? Fucking amazing, bro!”

       “Do you want me to drive?” Carmilla said menacingly and Kirsch raised his hand, the keys out of Carmilla’s reach. She jumped twice before giving up while Laura had to bite her lower lip at seeing the image before herself.

       “No can’t do, little hottie. I’ll drive and plus, you always manage to drain my tank every times you drive my baby.” 

       “Then stop asking questions and let’s get out of here,” Kirsch hastily climbed on the driver’s seat. Carmilla turned to Laura and her expression softened almost immediately. “You okay?”

       “Yeah,” she answered sheepishly as Carmilla was about to open the door but nothing happened.

       “Kirsch, open the door.”

       “Oh, right. Sorry.” His voice came out muffled and a second later the door unlocked.

       “Here you go,” Carmilla opened the back seat for Laura before seating in the front. 

 

\---

 

       They drove for thirty minutes on a highway, the rain had stopped falling a few minutes after they left the airport and Laura was glad. She looked out her window, her eyes absorbing everything around her, unaware of the small bickering happening in the front section of the car. She was too amazed with how small the cars were, at the dozens of chimney tops coming from the ceilings, how basically everything was so different from back home. They passed  a gigantic soccer stadium, and she noticed the small streets, the different shades the building that looked alike but still held their own personality, before Laura noticed they were crossing a river.

       “Is that the Seine?” 

       “No, that’s a canal, cutie.” Carmilla answered and Laura shifted a little bit more to have a better view, ignorant of the conversation going on in french between Carmilla and Kirsch, nor the punch Carmilla gave him on the arm.

       They started veering towards the right lane before they left the highway and began to drive uphill through the streets, where they became so narrow Laura thought that they were going to scratch all the cars’ sides at any given second. For a super tall guy, Kirsch was a very safe driver, turning swiftly every now and then until they came to a full stop in front of a narrow, off-white house with vines covering almost its entirety with tall window panes. As they descended the car, Laura took out her suitcase and carryon bag from the trunk and followed Carmilla inside.

       It was as if everything came out from a movie. No, it was  _ better _ than a movie because she was seeing it in person. The entrance was beautifully decorated with old cornices and staircases, and mouldings on the ceiling and the decorative patterns on the staircase, which Laura noticed was slightly slanted from probably being extremely old while she followed Carmilla up. They climbed four flights of stairs that by the end Laura’s legs were burning and she was out of breath.

       “Alright, Carmsexy. I’m gonna get some sleep before heading to work,” Kirsch said, sighing exaggeratedly and gave Carmilla another warm hug. “These morning errands of yours really drain my batteries.”

       “You’re an idiot,” Carmilla said as Kirsch started heading in the opposite direction. “Thanks again, Kirsch.”

       “Thank me by giving me some gas money, dude.” Kirsch said and Carmilla gave him the bird. “Just shove it under the door. See ya later, little hottie.” He said to Laura and she waved at him before he opened the door and disappeared behind it.

 

\---

 

       As Laura was changing in the bathroom, she was able to hear a knock on the door before two voices appeared and started talking to Carmilla in a language that neither resembled French or English. 

       Without even being able to understand what they were saying, Laura continued to change her clothes, the ones she was wearing smelled like stale air and humanity. She pulled on a pair of jeans, a shirt and a light button up sweater, quickly brushed both her hair and teeth, applied a little bit of makeup and walked over to where the voices were coming from. There was Carmilla with two gingers, until suddenly one of them noticed Laura’s presence and became silent, followed by the other.

       They seemed to be in sync since both their eyes flickered to Laura, then at Carmilla and back again at Laura. A second later, Carmilla turned her eyes and gave Laura a small smile.

       “Everything okay, cutie?”

       “Yeah. Thanks for letting me use your bathroom,” Laura said, her eyes fixed on the gingers.

       Carmilla introduced her to the gingers, Perry and LaFontaine, who automatically started speaking in English. Perry had beautiful long curly hair, while LaFontaine had their sides shaved and their hair to the side in an effortless way and they both shared deeply blue eyes.

       “We were asking Carmilla if she’d like to join us for lunch. But we can reschedule for later.”

       “No, we’ll go.” Carmilla answered before Laura could say anything.

       “I think I will just stay here, but thanks for offering.” 

       Carmilla insisted, but before Laura could say anything else in front of the two gingers, she asked Carmilla if she could accompany her. The latter obliged and Laura was led her to the kitchen.

       “Something wrong?”

       “No, it’s just that, I appreciate everything that you have done for me, really I do, but I don’t want to intrude in your life and besides… I don’t don’t have any money and I cannot ask you to pay for me because I don’t think it’s fair. I feel like I am already taking advantage of your hospitality enough as it is.”

       “Hey, hey hey Laura. It’s okay,” Carmilla whispered. “Let’s just go have lunch with Perry and LaFontaine. Once we are done with that, I’ll take you go to a currency exchange house so you don’t feel like you owe me anything. Alright?” Laura thought about it for a moment, her eyes fixed on Carmilla’s as she weighed her options in her head.

       “Okay.”

       They all left the apartment building and walked over to a crowded plaza where the crowd was dense with tourists while artists sold their artwork while others were working on a new image and passersby stopped to observe them work.

       “Don’t fall behind,” Carmilla said and Laura started walking to where Perry and LaFontaine were heading. 

       As they made their way around the plaza, they entered a cafe that Laura automatically fell in love with. The entire decoration was in Art Nouveau style, with mahogany ceiling and walls that had mirrors with golden designs at their borders, faded posters plastered on the walls and small ceramic tiles on the floor. They continued walking until they reached the patio in the back with small tables and a fountain that Laura found out the whole place was founded in 1901.

       Perry and LaFontaine asked Laura questions about herself, but even though Laura at first was shy about talking with people she had known for five minutes, she found she could trust them enough and they started chatting with each other. Perry had a somewhat thick accent, which Laura found out was due to the fact that she had moved from Aachen, Germany, to work on the same laboratories where she met LaFontaine, a Canadian who studied biology and was working on something that Laura had never even heard of.

       The waiter came and went, their food was served and drinks were exchanged, and all of them told Laura little tips about how to get around in Paris to not look like a tourist, but as the hours passed Laura began to feel more and more tired. Without being able to stop herself, she let out a yawn and her eyes got watery.

       “Everything okay?” Carmilla asked, concern evident in her voice.

       “Yeah, I’m just…” She let out another yawn, “tired. I can’t believe I’m so tired after the three cups of coffee I’ve had already.”

       “That’s your body’s reaction to not used to this time zone.” LaFontaine said.

       “I’m sure you will get used to it in no time.” Perry added.

       “Let’s hope so. I spent almost two weeks trying to get used to this timezone when I first moved from Toronto.”

       “I still don’t know how you do it, Carmilla,” Perry said. “All that travelling must have your sleep schedule all crazy.”

       “It’s always been crazy, Perry.”

       “Why?” Laura asked, intrigued at the idea.

       “Can’t sleep, cupcake.” Carmilla answered, before she turned to LaFontaine and said“And don’t get any ideas about turning me into one of your experiments.”

       “I wasn’t even thinking about doing anything,” they said raising their hands defensively.

       “Why didn’t you tell us before, Carmilla? I could have recommended you with a specialist.”

       “I’m okay.” Carmilla signalled the waiter, “we should go.”

       “Where?” Perry and LaFontaine said in unison.

       “I promised this little lady I would help her find a place to stay.”

       “How long do you plan on staying, Laura?” Perry asked.

       “I… I don’t know. Until the money runs out, I suppose.”

       “And you didn’t offered her your place?” LaFontaine exclaimed and they all stared at them.

       “What the… I just got here, LaFontaine!”

       “The more reason you should. Look, Mattie said that she was going to be filming another movie and that it was going to probably take several months to complete.”

       “And what happens if she comes back in a week?”

       “Then I guess you will have to help Laura find a place. Come on, you have a spare room and Laura has nowhere to go. It’s a win-win situation.”

       Laura and Carmilla exchanged a look, Carmilla raising her eyebrows, the question lingering between them.

       “So? What d'ya say cupcake?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, for leaving Kudos, comments (criticism is always welcome) and bookmarking this fic. Follow me on tumblr puccacienta.tumblr.com and follow the tag paris-trip-au for updates or just me ranting about suffering from writers block.
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> P.S.: This fic won't be uploaded on a regular or weekly basis, it will come as I finish the chapters so be patient with me and forgive any grammatical errors. Also, I have only been to Paris twice in my life and wanted to make a story with the city in mind, so if you're French and stumble upon this, please don't be mad at me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How small gestures can change a person's life.

       The first couple of days Laura had a severe case of jetlag, and even though she was aware that Carmilla was probably awake in the middle of the night due to her insomnia, she still didn’t wanted to inconvenience her. So she rolled on her bed, trying to sleet and to remain awake during the day to get used to the Paris timezone.

       Carmilla was nice to her by volunteering to accompany Laura after work to go sightseeing, making a little itinerary of the places they could visit the night before. But despite having just left from work, Carmilla always appeared with her regular clothes. It was a mystery for Laura because Carmilla never brought a backpack, or anything that showed where her clothes were. They looked at exhibitions Laura would find interesting to visit on her own and their cost of admittance, and other ones they could go together.

       During the first couple of days, Laura wandered on her own around Montmartre, getting acquainted with the area while taking photographs and writing on her journal about the architecture, the small vineyard a couple of blocks away from Carmilla’s apartment. There was something magical about Montmartre, she thought, about the small things and sculptures scattered around here and there. She found a sculpture of a man with religious clothing, his hands holding his decapitated head, and the sculpture of a man with his head and hands coming out from a wall, that Carmilla was going to tell her the story later. There were people singing on street corners, musicians playing outside cafes, and artists with their easels painting pictures on their canvases on the sidewalk. She wanted to take photographs inside Sacre Coeur, but found out it was prohibited, and even witnessed a guard escort a tourist out because he continued to photograph it despite the guard’s orders, or what Laura thought were orders. After walking and admiring the mosaics, and the delicate details inside the church and set foot outside the basilica, she noticed people selling iced water, selfie-sticks, or small Eiffel Tower keychains at ten for €1, and spotted a small white train driving people and children around the hill.

       She was getting better at differentiating the Parisians from the tourists, and tried to accommodate her outfits to blend in more with the regionals with only her camera and journal giving her away. With a light sweater and a scarf wrapped around her neck, Laura was sitting on the edge of the stairs away from the crowds, two warm sandwiches and Coca-Colas secured between her legs as she waited for Carmilla to meet her there.

       “Hey.” Carmilla tapped Laura’s right shoulder and appeared on her left, a shy smile painted on her lips

       “Hey,” Laura said, brushing her hair to the side and feeling a little bit nervous. “Thanks for meeting me here.”

       “Thanks for the invitation, cutie.” Carmilla said as she sat down and Laura handed her the sandwich and soda she bought for her. “So what did you do today?”

       Laura began retelling her journey and adventures while Carmilla listened to her and collaborated with which spots to go or avoid every now and then as they consumed their sandwiches. As Laura looked ahead of her, she noticed the people walking, couples kissing and got lost in her thoughts as she finished her sandwich.

       “Will you believe me that it’s been years since I’ve done something like this?”

       “Are you serious?” Laura almost choked with the last bite. “Why?”

       “Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate what you did in inviting me to have lunch here. But I avoid tourists as much as possible, cupcake. They are noisy and annoying and waste their money on idiotic things at souvenir shops in useless junk just to brag on their friends and co-workers that they came to Paris and they didn’t.” She took a bite from her sandwich and they chewed in silence. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that you were annoying, on the contrary. It’s just…”

       “No it’s okay. I get what you mean. I think it’s understandable because you have been living here for years and I get what you say about tourists being annoying and everything. But,” she took a sip from her Coca-Cola, “I also get the tourist point of view in wanting to keep something that reminds me of my stay here. If I can document as much as possible so that in later years whenever I see that picture it will bring me back to this trip, this specific moment and remember what a good time I had, I would.”

       “You have a point there, but I still think souvenir shops are a waste of money.”

       “Fair enough.” They stood up and began to walk the stairs up until they returned to the apartment.

 

\---

 

       “Bonjour… Hey, how have you been?” The girl smiled at Laura, switching without effort from French to her posh English accent.

       “Hi! I’ve been good and yourself?” Laura said, she had been coming to this bakery for the last couple of days.

       “Great. Another croissant with butter and a cup of coffee? Or do you want a sandwich?”

       “A croissant for today, please.”

       The girl disappeared underneath the counter, before she came back with Laura’s order.

       “How’s the jetlag treating you? Better?”

       “Yeah, I was able to sleep the entire night, so that is good news, right? But thanks for asking.”

       “Oh, it’s nothing,” The girl said and Laura handed her the money, she already knew the exact amount. “By the way, what’s your name?”

       “Laura Hollis, and you?”

       “Danny Lawrence,” she said and they exchanged a smile before someone called for her attention. “I’ll see you around, Laura.”

       “Okay, bye Danny.”

 

\---

 

       “Hey dad!”

       “Laura! How are you sweetheart?” She could hear his smile through the other side of the line.

       “I’m great. How are you doing?”

       “I’ve been good. Pretty busy at work but it’s better than being without a job, right?”

       “Dad, don’t over work too much.”

       “Bah, you know me. I get bored if I’m not doing anything,” They both chuckled. “So, how’s Paris?”

       Laura began to tell her dad about the city, the food, the people and the places she had been. She told him about Montmartre and how she planned on buying a new light jacket or a blazer because the other one she had been wearing it for several days and it kinda started to smell already.

       “And where are you staying? A hotel or a hostel, bed and breakfast?”

       “At um… a hotel.” Laura lied.

       “Oh, that’s nice.” Laura heard him sip from a drink, probably coffee. He was always drinking coffee. “What’s it called?”

       “I don’t know dad, some weird French name.”

       “Isn’t there like some sort of stationery nearby?”

       “No it’s um…” _Think Laura, think_. “It’s one of those low budget hotels. But it’s clean, though.”

       Laura hadn’t told her dad about meeting Carmilla, much less staying at her apartment. She didn’t knew why she was embarrassed in telling him about her. Even though he sometimes came out as overprotective, she knew that he supported her no matter what. But this was different. Laura remembered he once asked her if she wanted him to pick her up at two in the morning the first sleepover she had at her best friend’s house. So if he reacted that way at a sleepover with a girl he had known for years, she didn’t wanted to imagine his reaction to staying at a complete stranger’s apartment.

       They continued talking and he offered to send her money, but Laura refused. She still had enough money left, but made a mental note to start administering it better if she wanted to spend more than a week in Paris. It was until she heard him let out a deep yawn and asked.

       “Dad, I’m gonna let you go. It’s probably late over there with you.”

       “Nah, it’s okay. As long as I can hear your voice and know you’re okay. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

       “Sounds good. Take care dad and please, try not to work too much.”

       “Will do. I love you, sweetheart.”

       “I love you too, dad. Bye” Laura said before hanging up.

       She slumped back on the sofa and let out a sigh, but before she got too comfortable she stood up, picked her purse and some money before heading out the door, typing Carmilla a message when a door opened and Kirsch appeared on the door, .

       “Bonjour, Laura. Comment ça va?”

       “Um… Ça va… bien?” Laura furrowed her brows, it threw her off that Kirsch was actually talking to her in French. “Et tu, Kirsch?”

       “Bien, aussie,” he started smiling that warm smile of his and placed both his hands between himself and Laura. “Aw yeah, you just passed your first test to become fluent in French, little hottie. High five!”

       They clapped their hands and started descending the stairs before Kirsch added,

       “So, what are you doing tonight? Visit museums, go to a cafe, meet a pretty French hottie?”

       “Oh um, go out to some museums, probably.” Laura brushed her hand through her hair, hiding her face as she felt her cheeks warm. “Carmilla said that she had something planned but I have no idea what it is.”

       “Well I guess you will have to find out and see. Hey so, how long do you plan on staying in Paris?”

       Laura was getting tired of everyone asking her about it, but told him the same answer she gave everybody.

       “As long as the money lasts, I guess.”

       “Well, if you don’t mind, I would like to invite you, Carmsexy, Perry and LaF over for dinner someday before you leave. How does that sound?” They arrived at the front door and Kirsch opened it for Laura.

       She thanked him and Kirsch closed the door behind him,

       “So what d’ya say? Is that a yes?”

       “You don’t have to do anything for me—”

       “—Oh come on, Little Laur! It will be like a little initiation for you to become part of our little family, you know?”

       Laura felt a knot on her chest, she never expected to be welcomed so warmly, even less by Kirsch who she had only seen once before when he picked them up at the airport.

       They both rode the subway, talking about food and how different it was compared the the US, before Kirsch told Laura that he already knew what he was going to cook for her, but despite Laura’s insistence, he said it was going to be a surprise. Kirsch gave her some tips about getting around Paris that Carmilla had never mentioned as they train continued moving. Laura felt that despite Kirsch’s height, he was like the small brother she never had. He was sweet and caring and they continued talking until it was Kirsch’s time to leave and Laura continued her ride on the subway.

 

\---

 

       Laura went to visit the Louvre by herself, and understood why Carmilla told her to bring comfortable shoes and to arrive early, noticing how the line was unbelievably ridiculous from the outside as she stood next to a window that faced the pyramids. But that same amount of people forming a line for admittance was the same as the one inside.  

       Yes, she observed the Classical Greek, Etruscan and Roman sculptures, and found the level of complexity on the draping of their garments so real and fascinating that Laura had to stop herself from touching them. She wanted to observe the “Winged Victory of Samothrace” in full detail, but the constant flashing and pushing of people trying to get to the second floor changed her mind.

       If she thought the first floor was crowded, the second floor was even worse. The air felt warm despite the high ceilings and the occasional body odor burning in her nostrils, since almost everybody was taller than her. It was difficult to walk sometimes through small rooms as people pushed to get through, while others stopped in the middle to take a picture of the piece that Laura almost tripped with several of them that it was hard to appreciate the pieces like they were intended to. And every fifteen minutes or so, Laura would hear an alarm go off, followed by a group of five men walking determined but steady to check what was the matter. At first she didn’t mind, but the constant alarm going off made her start to understand Carmilla’s opinion about tourists and them being a bunch of idiots.

       It was hundreds upon hundreds of paintings that seemed to have no end, some small pieces hung on pedestals while others were five times Laura’s height, and others hung so high up that it was impossible to see what they were about. Remembering her Art Appreciation class back when she was in university, Laura was proud of herself as she recognized a handful of the hundreds of pieces on exhibition. She remembered “La Liberté Guidant Le peuple” or the cover for Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida,” as Laura first recognized it, the “Raft of the Medusa,” “La Grande Odalisque,” and was extremely disappointed by how small the Mona Lisa actually was. Plus, the fact that she had to push her way around the crowd to get a glimpse of her added to her letdown. So she moved on and found solace in the beauty of the “Venus of Milo” and even remembered a poem she once read in her English class as she stood in front of “Sleeping Hermaphroditus.”

       The constant bustle and pushing her way around was off putting despite the beauty exhibited inside, that as the time passed her interest and patience diminished and Laura decided to leave. She remembered potting a food signal when she first arrived at the Louvre, but the mere thought of being around so many people was suffocating, deciding upon finding a quieter place sounded more appealing. But since she didn’t knew how far she had to go before finding a place to eat, she pushed her way inside the food court, finding a wrapped sandwich and a bottled water. As she found the exit, the greeting fresh air of Paris was both welcoming and refreshening.

       As she walked over to the Jardin des Tuileries and had lunch on an empty chair available around the octagonal fountain, she watched the people sitting there while she ate. She observed the kids playing with small boats on the fountain, while others were taking a nap, tourists taking pictures and people walking, not even paying attention to details in their surroundings, probably from crossing the same path every day for months or years.

       Laura turned every now and then to watch the statues, the different colors in the flowers, and wondered how it have been like to have lived through the Revolution, during the time where people were either filthy rich or miserably poor, and wondered how many kings and queens have stood where she stood, the stories this city could tell that no one remembered anymore. She thought about how revolutionary it must have been to build the palace she had just visited, and how different it was from then until now. The furniture, the halls, the crowds of dukes and viscounts, the parties held and whether is the king ever visited each and every single room available, and but was happy to be able to see it now.

       As Laura finished her meal, she stood up and realized her feet ached more than usual, so she decided to head back to the apartment, and waited for Carmilla there.

 

\---

 

       The sun was starting its descent in the sky, Laura was standing in the middle of the bridge with the Seine beneath her, contemplating at the boats filled with tourists sailing by, and the occasional person waving at her, which she happily obliged to return. Les Invalides was to her left, with the row of tinted green metal canons, its bushes that Laura thought were shaped like pointed bullets and the magnificent golden dome at the middle of the edifice. The Grand Palais with its glass ceiling and the French flag wavering at it’s highest point to her right, which she still needed to visit. And, of course, the iconic Eiffel Tower in the distance.

       The bridge is the Pont Alexandre III, Carmilla told her the name, and observed the four imposing square columns on each end of the bridge, each with a winged figure holding a sword and a horse, covered in gleaming gold. There were lampposts on each side, and the water nymphs with what Laura thought was a golden scroll looking at the Seine, making every other bridge in Paris seem dull and boring.

       She could stay here forever. Observing the architecture, the culture, the French language, the people walking by, even the tourists and their stupid selfie sticks. Laura started to deeply dislike them, thinking that they were the most annoying thing to be invented but was grateful that they had been banned from most of the museums. She didn’t understand why it was that people always pointed the selfie stick on top of their heads and take the picture. _You’re in Paris for god sake! Take the picture so you can see the view, Not the gravel or the floor!_ She even saw a person trying to take a picture by extending the selfie-stick rather than zooming in with their lens. Ridiculous.

       Her stomach grumbled loudly, and hoped that Carmilla wouldn’t take too long to arrive and pushed her thoughts aside as she continued looking at the city that had captivated her.

       “Laura!” Someone called her name in the distance and she turned her head but found nobody.

       There was someone waving on the other side of the street, Laura had a hard time recognizing who it was as the cars blocked her view every second. Laura waved and called at her, her voice lost with the traffic passing in front of her and noticed that Carmilla began to walk away. Perplexed by it, she began to move in the same direction, until they both reached the end of the bridge, and Carmilla crossed the street

       “I told you to wait there.”

       “No you didn’t”

       “Yeah. Didn’t you hear me?”

       “No.” Laura replied rather sharply and Carmilla sighed. “Sorry. I’m just hungry.”

       “Well come on, let’s get something to eat before you kill me.”

       They walked in the direction of Les Invalides and Laura was about to protest, saying that she already went inside but followed Carmilla nevertheless, noticing they were heading towards the left side of the massive building and through the streets. Exchanging the same chit chat they had been doing for the past days, Carmilla asked her what places she visited, what she thought about them and despite Laura’s hunger, she recounted her small adventures. Carmilla listened until she stopped in front of a small restaurant, with six high tables and what Laura thought was the perfect combination of both modern and classic architecture.

       They ordered two individual sized pizzas with wine. Laura was never a person that drank wine with food, she prefered to drink it straight, but since she was in Paris, she made an exception. Silence engulfed them as they started eating and Laura caught Carmilla glancing at her every now and then, smiling at her as they both consumed their food.

       There was an agreement between them both, which consisted that they would both pay for their own meals and Laura was more than happy to oblige. Since she was staying at Carmilla’s place, the least she could do was to pay for her own food. So once their checks were paid, they headed once again back in the direction of Les Invalides, when Carmilla turned on a corner and Laura followed her for several meters before she stopped at a line.

       “Why are we doing this line for?”

       “We’re going to a museum.” She answered nonchalantly.

       “Aren’t museums closed early?”

       “Some of them close late on Wednesdays, and I think you might like this one.”

       Laura tried to hide the smile creeping on her lips at the thought that Carmilla thought about her and what she would enjoy during the day. They spent approximately fifteen minutes in line before they entered, both paying for their admittance.

       As they started heading towards a long, narrow hall, Laura felt her heart beating stronger as she recognized the piece at the end of it. Picking up her pace, Laura observed the marble sculpture of a couple sitting, embracing, his hand gently resting on her hip as she delicately wrapped her arm around his neck. The intimacy in their naked bodies as their lips were forever locked in a kiss that Laura found herself absorbing every single detail about the piece. Pulling out her travel journal, she did a quick sketch of the “Kiss” by Rodin, she memorizing every single detail about it before she walked over to the other parts of the exhibition. Laura could not contain her happiness, to be able to see such beauty and the studies of hands, of faces, sketches and scaled statues of the originals.

       “Do you want to go somewhere else, Carm?” Laura asked but no one answered. She turned around and noticed that Carmilla was nowhere to be seen.

       Her heart skipped a beat and started walking over around the galleries, her focus automatically switched from looking at the pieces to finding Carmilla. She went from one room to the other, her heart racing and feeling a dread in her chest as the girl was nowhere to be seen, until she spotted her at the patio with her phone in her ear. Immediate relief spread over her chest and walked over to where she was, and realized that she was speaking in French.

       Carmilla gave her a smile, and signaled her to give her a couple of seconds while she continued talking with the person on the other end of the line. Laura walked over to where a crowd was gathering, flashes going on every few seconds until she recognized the piece on top of a pedestal in front of her: “The Thinker.” Laura made a quick sketch on her journal, enjoying the gravity of his visage, the anatomy of the muscles the way his eyes seemed clouded in their own thoughts.

       “Come, let me show you something,” Carmilla said, placing her arm on Laura’s back.

       “Hold on, I’m almost done,” Laura said and drew a few more quick lines before closing her notebook and met Carmilla

       “I didn’t knew you were good at drawing, cupcake.”

       “I’m not that good.” Laura said and Carmilla asked her permission to see her journal.

       As she flipped through the pages, Laura was hesitant of what Carmilla might think of her writing.

       “You’re better than you think, sweetheart. At least you don’t draw poor renditions of stick figures like I do.”

       “What? Now you are making fun of me.”

       Carmilla asked if she could draw something on her journal and Laura obliged, handing her a pencil and Carmilla asked to give her a subject to draw. Laura pointed at an old couple sitting on a bench. Without saying anything, Carmilla shielded herself from Laura’s view, and after a couple of minutes she showed her masterpiece. They weren’t exactly stick figures, Laura thought to herself, but there was a childlike quality in them that she found endearing. Who would have thought that Carmilla Karnstein, a woman so beautiful that knew a thousand tongues, played three instruments did not knew how to draw?

       “Don’t laugh, cupcake.”

       “I’m not laughing,” Laura said, her lips curling up involuntarily and placed her journal away before Carmilla could say anything else.

       They slowly walked around a huge house until they were in one of the most beautiful gardens Laura had ever seen. Carmilla kept her arm linked to Laura’s, leading her all around the garden and stopping to appreciate the statues and different flowers before continuing to observe the trees, the fountain with a statue at its center and the vine covered arches. For some time none of them spoke a word, the chatter of the people seemed to be enough for them both despite Laura’s thought screaming at the fact that Carmilla hadn’t left her arm as they continued walking until they were informed the museum was now closed.

       As they exited the museum and began walking through the streets, Laura bumped her shoulder on Carmilla’s and said,

       “Thanks for bringing me to the museum, Carmilla.”

       “You’re welcome, cutie.” They continued walking in silence. “Anything else you’d like to do?”

       “Actually, yes.”

 

\---

 

       “Ugh. We have been been in this stupid line for like an hour.” Carmilla pouted and Laura thought that it was the cutest thing ever.

       “Carm,” Laura said and the sudden nickname made her heart stop. She waited for a negative reaction from the other girl, but her featured remained the same. “Don’t exaggerate. We have been here twenty minutes at the most. Come on, do it for me, please.” Laura took the opportunity to put her best puppy face for Carmilla, who looked intently at her before the latter rolled her eyes, let out a sigh and said,

       “Fine.” Laura smiled and gave Carmilla, or more specific her arm, a hug before pulling herself away. “But we’ll stay here for just a little while and then we will get back to the apartment. Some of us have to work tomorrow, sweetheart.”

       Even though Laura had tried to keep physical contact with Carmilla to a minimum, their interaction had been changing slowly but surely during these last couple of days. But it became more evident after today at the Rodin museum when Carmilla placed her arm around Laura’s. Sure, they bumped shoulders back in the airplane, or there was the brushing of fingers, and there was this way that Carmilla would sometimes stare at Laura that made her breath hitch. But nothing beyond that.

       As they got closer and closer to the entrance, Laura wasn’t able to contain her excitement, until they were an elevator away from climbing to the first level of the Eiffel Tower that Laura was almost shaking of excitement. There were five people in front of them, so she was sure they were to be next. As the elevator came back down and the doors were open, they started walking to the furthest corner, her back almost pressed to Carmilla’s front so more people could be fitted in the small space.

       For a moment Laura wanted to turn, but the thought of being so close to Carmilla made her nervous, so she stood immobile. She tried to distract herself by focusing on the beams, the huge bolts, the rivets, the pulleys and the intricacy of the lift mechanism that held this massive structure together, instead of feeling Carmilla’s breath against her neck. And even more when the elevator started to move, when Carmilla’s hands held her by the waist to keep herself from tripping. But once the doors opened and people started exiting the elevator on the first level, Laura’s heart pounded against her chest that it took her a second to release her hands from the rail and exit the door.

       It was crowded, with people and children coming and going in different directions, cameras pointing everywhere and she was almost poked in the eye with a selfie stick. Once they found an empty spot, Laura rested her arms on the ledge and saw the city spread out before her eyes.

       She saw the thousands upon thousand of rooftops that reminded her when she first started reading the Hunchback of Notre Dame, by Victor Hugo but never finished it, remembering how at first she thought his writing was so tedious and overwhelming in his description of the city that thought it was too much and abandoned the reading. But now, that she was in a high place with Paris spread out before her, she understood the beauty behind his words and how detailed and beautiful his writing was that made her regret the fact that she never finished the book.

       They continued walking around, seeing the different angles the city offered, Carmilla pointing at different buildings and Laura listened in silence, before going and formed in line to go to the highest level of the Tower.

       “Have you ever seen a sunset, cupcake?”

       “Not in a very long time,” Laura admitted. “You?”

       “Same. I guess today is our lucky day, then.”

       And it was.

       As soon as the doors opened, Carmilla lead Laura towards the west side of the tower, waiting as the sun started disappearing behind the horizon, the sky saturated in oranges, pinks and yellows, tinting the city so beautifully Laura could not stop herself from taking a picture. The fact that she was in Paris with Carmilla watching the sunset on top of the Eiffel Tower was too much for her, feeling her heart pounding against her chest that she thought Carmilla would be able to hear it and felt a sting underneath her eyes. She swallowed hard, thinking that right now was not the moment to get emotional, but she was brought back to her senses as she felt a hand hold her waist.

       She tore her eyes from the horizon and focused on Carmilla, who seemed lost in her thoughts as well. Her eyes were serene and melancholic, but as soon as she turned and her eyes fixed on Laura’s, Carmilla gave her a small and sincere smile and her eyes turned warm.

       The way that Carmilla looked at Laura made her realize that what she thought for a very long time about herself was untrue. She never thought she would ever be able to feel intensely like how she felt the last time she had feelings for someone. It was a long time of trying to find someone that accepted her for who she was, for her dedication to her work. But the endless heartbreaks and disappointments drove her to  place walls around herself that no one could ever penetrate, making her feel that she could go on with her life content with loneliness and being single.

       But now…

       Laura knew that it had been present for the past couple of days. It was there in the way Laura felt her heart pick up its pace whenever she saw Carmilla walk towards her in the distance after she was done with work. Whenever Carmilla held her arm or they walked in silence. Or even when she would help her plan the itinerary for the next day, spreading her computer, books and maps on the floor in the living room despite being tired. The thought that it crossed Carmilla’s mind that she would enjoy the Rodin museum and how despite complaining of the crowd and the lines to climb the Eiffel Tower, she never abandoned Laura. It had always been there, but now it was clear to her and it was the most beautiful and terrifying feeling in the world.

       “Laura?” Carmilla said, and her eyes changing from warmth to concern. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”

       Laura blinked and felt a cold trace travel down her cheek. She took her eyes from Carmilla and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.

       “Nothing,” Laura said. “It’s nothing.”

       “Are you sure? Laura whatever it is you know you can tell me.”

       “Yeah, I guess I um… I guess I just got emotional with the sunset and everything.” Laura gave Carmilla her most reassuring smile, and pushed her newfound feelings aside. “Thanks for bringing me here, Carm.”

       “Anytime, Laura.” Carmilla gave her a tight squeeze that made her heart skip a beat.

       The crowd had not dissipated, and even though Laura knew how Carmilla felt about souvenir shops, she couldn’t help herself from stopping at the one in the second level, before they descended one last time and headed back to the subway and to the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, for leaving Kudos, comments (criticism is always welcome) and bookmarking this fic. Follow me on tumblr puccacienta.tumblr.com and follow the tag paris-trip-au for updates or just me ranting about suffering from writers block.
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> P.S.: This fic won't be uploaded on a regular or weekly basis, it will come as I finish the chapters so be patient with me and forgive any grammatical errors. Also, I have only been to Paris twice in my life and wanted to make a story with the city in mind, so if you're French and stumble upon this, please don't be mad at me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla run as if their lives depended upon it.

       “Hey Laura,” Danny greeted her with a warm smile once she was done helping another customer. “What can I get for you today?”

       “Can you make the rain stop from falling?” Laura asked, shaking her umbrella from the excess rain and unbuttoned her jacket.

       “I wish I could help you with that. Hey, my lunch break starts in less than fifteen minutes, do you have somewhere to be?”

       “In this rain? I don’t think so.”

       “Do you want to come with me and have some lunch?”

       “Yeah, sounds good.”

       “Okay, cool. I’ll see you in a bit.”

       While Danny busied herself with work, Laura wandered around the bakery before she thought she was being intrusive and walked out the door to be greeted once again by the rain. She never knew why she was feeling so depressed, maybe it was the fact that it had been three days since she had last seen the sun. 

       “I thought you’d left,” Danny jogged to meet Laura, taking the umbrella and held it up as they started walking together. “So, are you planning to visit any museums later in the day?” 

       “I don’t think so. I don’t really like the rain.”

       “What? Why?”

       “I just… I don’t know,” Laura said as they crossed the street and turned to her right. “I don’t like rainy days, I guess.” 

       “I kinda understand what you mean. If it’s any relief, at least it doesn’t rain like it does in London during the winter.”

       “What?”

       “It rains all winter. And by winter I mean the _ whole  _ winter.” Laura grunted in disgust.

       “I will keep in mind to never go to London during the winter. But it’s very cloudy, right?”

       “Afraid so.” Danny pulled out her phone and typed something on it.

       “I guess I’ll never go to London.”

       “Well, there goes my invitation for you to come and visit me, then,” Danny said in a low voice, obviously not intended for Laura to hear. “Okay so let’s forget about the rain for a bit. I know  _ just _ the thing that will make you feel better.”

       They headed to a little restaurant and Danny ordered for Laura a consomm é with vegetables and she ordered the meal of the day. It was probably not the best place when it came to decoration, but Laura found out the food was delicious. There was something in it that reminded Laura of her grandmother’s cooking when she was a little girl, making her feel like she was at home and her heart was filled with joy.

       Danny started asking Laura questions about her stay in Paris, about who she was staying with and Laura was happy to talk with her, but what bothered her was the constant interruptions from Danny’s phone. She picked it up, typed something and placed it away.

       “Sorry, you were saying?” Danny insisted to continue and Laura did, only to be interrupted once again by the vibration her phone emitted. “Just keep talking. I’m listening.” 

       They spoke a little bit while Danny finished her meal and by the time they asked for the check, Laura insisted on paying for her own meal rather than Danny paying for both. 

       As they stepped out of the restaurant and were once again greeted by the rain, they both started walking, the pittering pattering filling the quietness between them with the occasional automobile driving by the narrow streets.

       Laura understood that Danny was probably talking with friends. After all, all of them (Danny, Carmilla, LaF, Perry, and Kirsch) had their life outside of work. But noticed that whenever she was hanging out with Carmilla there were several occasions were her phone rang but instead of picking it up, she focused her sole attention to her, and only took the calls when it was essential for her to do so, whereas Danny paid more attention to the other person calling or texting rather than to her. It was these little things that Laura appreciated about being with Carmilla, and even more that she made the time and effort in spending time together. 

       Those thoughts clouded her mind as they continued walking back to the bakery, Laura busy with her own thoughts while Danny was talking with someone through the phone speaking in French. Even the difference between their accents was different, Laura noticed. Carmilla’s French seemed genuine, fluid, her words coming out perfectly and her voice dropped an octave that Laura thought was sexy. Danny, on the other hand, her French had several “ums” and “uhs” every now and then between sentences, and her voice was a little bit more nasal. 

       As it was evident the rain did not planned to seize falling for the next couple of hours, and Laura’s plans of going out diminished with every step she took, the comfort of spending the afternoon in the apartment was becoming more and more welcoming.

       “Hey Laura? Laura, we’re here,” Danny said, placing her hand on Laura’s arm to prevent her from walking any further. She stopped on her tracks, and turned to face Danny. “There’s going to be a jazz concert by the Seine, and it gets pretty crowded and the artists are very talented, we should go.” Before Laura could say anything, Danny added, “It’s going to be till next week, though.”

       “Yeah, totally! We should go! What time does it start?”

       “Great! It starts at 8 pm.”

       “I’ll see you there, then,” 

       Danny handed Laura her umbrella back, and for a second her air of confidence was overtaken by a bashful look. 

       “Well, I’ll see you around, Hollis.”

       “Bye Danny,” Laura waved her goodbye and watched Danny leave.

       As Laura continued walking and climbing the steps of the small maze that was Montmartre, she considered Danny’s offer. She considered inviting Carmilla, Perry and LaFontaine along with her. The more the merrier, right?

 

\---

 

       The rainy days were over and Laura felt her spirit renewed as she visited Shakespeare and Co., Notre Dame, Sainte Chapelle, the Conciergerie, and walked to a small park beneath the steps of an equestrian statue at the tip of the  Île de la Cité. It was not as crowded as other places and Laura was grateful as she walked over the small green areas, with the park flanked by bushes and trees, with old people talking amongst each other and younger couples watching their children play, before she found an empty bench and sat down.

       The lapping of the Seine and the laughter of the children was soothing, so she was able to focus on her own thoughts. She starting thinking and became aware that this trip couldn’t last forever, but moments like these made her realize she had never felt so at peace and happy with herself in years, that she never even thought about being able to develop feelings for someone. The idea had become alien to her that she had given up on the idea entirely, but now that she was here and Carmilla was part of her life, even just for a couple of weeks she was content with that. 

_        But it’s just a few weeks _ , Laura thought and the idea of telling Carmilla how she felt about her flew out the window. It wasn’t fair for either of them, firstly because Laura wasn’t sure if Carmilla was into her or not, so if she was not reciprocated was going to make their relationship an awkward one. And secondly, even in her wildest dreams that Carmilla  _ did _ liked her back, the thought of separating from her once they were together was beyond devastating.

_        No _ , Laura thought.  _ Carmilla has her life already made and plus, I am nobody to come and screw things around and leave her heartbroken. It’s better this way. _

       “Hey,” Carmilla placed her hands on Laura’s shoulders and gave them a little squeeze, making Laura jump on her seat. “You seemed to be thinking very hard on something, cutie.”

       “What? No I was just… thinking.”

       “An Euro for your thoughts?” Carmilla sat on the bench and pulled out a coin from her pocket and handed it to Laura, before her whole arm and part of her legs brushing against Laura’s.

       “Nothing important.” Laura shook her head and fixed her eyes on Carmilla, who was looking at the horizon. “How was your day today?”

       “I’d rather not talk about it.” Laura noticed Carmilla leaned closer to her. “And you? What places did you go today?”

       Laura began to talk about her day but when she looked at Carmilla, she noticed that there was something sad in her eyes.

       “Carm? Are you okay?”

       “Yeah, I’m fine.”

       “Are you sure? Cause you seem… broody.”

       “Just thinking about things.” Laura continued observing her, but Carmilla did not meet her eyes.

       Carmilla stood up and the other followed as they silently walked to the entrance of the park, ascended the stairs and were greeted once again by the oldest bridge in Paris before they headed to the left side of the bank.

       They walked and Laura stopped every now and then to see the old books, magazines and newspaper stands before Carmilla took her wrist and they descended a flight of stairs to be greeted once again by the Seine. It was a different perspective than from what Laura had perceived, but the silence engulfing them both was bothering her till no end. She cared and respected Carmilla, and knew that she was not someone of many words, but Laura was aware that something was bothering her.

       “Can we sit down just for a bit?” Laura asked and walked towards a bricked bench, crossing her legs while Carmilla turned to face the river. She waited for Carmilla to say something for a minute or so, but nothing came out from her lips. “Carm, what’s bothering you?”

       “Nothing.” Carmilla said too quickly. “I’m just um… just tired.”

       “Then why do I get the feeling that you’re lying to me? We can go back to the apartment if you’d like.”

       “No.”

       “Then what do you want to do?” Laura leaned a little bit closer to see Carmilla’s face, fighting the urge to brush her hand through her hair. “Do you want me to leave?” She asked in a low voice but Carmilla shook her head. “Then why do I get the feeling that you’re upset at me?”

       “How could I possibly be mad at you, cutie?” Carmilla fixed her eyes at Laura for a few seconds before looking away in the distance. 

       There was something in Carmilla’s behavior that bothered Laura. She knew there was something clouding her thoughts and caused her to behave like this, but Laura gave her the space to say what was in her mind in due time. If there was something she really disliked about people was to be pushed, so she remained silent and listened to the sound of the wind, the lapping of the waves against the river bank and the chatter of people passing by as their only sounds. Carmilla opened and closed her mouth time and time again, her fingers fidgeting before she let out a deep sigh and said,

       “I guess I… I forgot what it felt like being like this, you know?”

       “Feeling like what exactly?”

       “Like this,” her finger went back and forth between Laura and herself. Laura did not know how to react at that hand gesture, while Carmilla turned to look at the distance, her voice got almost lost with the background noise. “I forgot what it felt to look forward to things, to have a purpose in life. Until you came along.” Carmilla fixed her eyes on Laura, who felt her breath stop while her heart started pounding. 

       “I guess what I’m trying to say is that... We see each other every day and I see you as this passionate and energetic person that did the thing that the majority of us only talk about doing but never do anything about it. We complain about how dull our lives are, about how much we hate our jobs and have no time to enjoy the time we have left on this earth. But not you.” Carmilla looked at Laura, and the latter could see there was a mixture of sadness and longing in her eyes. “You took action of your life, and believe me, the thought of quitting my job has never sounded more appealing,  but there’s too much at risk if I ever decide to leave.”

       They remained like that for a couple of seconds, and Laura could perceive the change in Carmilla’s features as they softened, but Carmilla bumped her shoulder with Laura’s and said,

       “Have you had lunch already, cupcake?” She asked and Laura shook her head, her throat was dry and her thoughts were a mess after the words that the girl in front of her had just said.

       They walked for several minutes down the river until they saw several food trucks with tables made out of wooden pallets and artificial grass lying on the floor. Each ordered a crepe and sat down on a empty table. They still didn’t spoke much, but Laura noticed that Carmilla seemed more at ease and would smile more than she used to, which Laura could not complain. In the distance they could hear a melodious tune from a saxophone, soafter finishing their meals, they followed the direction of the instrument, each throwing some money on the saxophone case and continued to walk next to the Seine.

 

\---

 

       “Carm, do you still play the cello or the piano?” Laura asked, both their eyes fixed on the television in front of them.

       “Not anymore, sweetheart.”

       “Can I ask why did you stopped?” Carmilla shifted her position, readjusting her head on Laura’s lap and placed her hand on the latter’s knee.

       “I guess… life happened.” She answered, but even though Laura did not pressed her for more information, she remained silent waiting for it. “I realized that every time I played it either reminded me of someone or made me upset for getting too absorbed in work. And with all the travelling I didn’t have the time anymore.”

       “But if the occasion arises, would you do it?”

       “I don’t know,” Laura eyed Carmilla, noticing the hint of a smile, before turning her head and she looked back at Laura, raising one of her eyebrows and gave Laura a seductive stare. “Why do you ask, cutie?”

       “Would you ever play for me before I leave?”

       “No,” She answered seriously and Laura felt her heart sink. “I’m kidding, sweetheart.”

 

\---

 

       Laura had her head on Carmilla’s shoulder with their backs resting on one of the huge white pipes outside on the esplanade from the Centre George Pompidou. 

       It was late already, and Laura’s feet hurt from all the walking around through the main exhibitions, thrilled to see so many pieces from the greatest artists of their time at the museum she had only heard about in textbooks. But now that they were both resting, she was amazed to see the different artists and performers gathered around. There was people lying on the ground on the slanted side of the esplanade, while there were others reciting poetry in French. On Laura’s far left, there was a man creating gigantic bubbles while on the other extreme was what Laura could think was the best example of techno music created by a single man with a set of pots and pans around the him and people started gathering around to document his creation.

       “What is your stance on drinking?” Laura asked.

       “Depends on the drink and the place, cupcake. Why?”

       “Would you like to go out tonight?” She turned to face Carmilla, the sudden realization of her just asking Carmilla out for drinks made her heart pick up its pace.

       “You want to go somewhere specific?” Carmilla asked and Laura nodded, “or you just want to drink?”

       “No, nothing in particular. But if you know of a place, then I’m up for it.” 

       Without saying twice, Carmilla stood up and offered her hand for Laura to stand up, whose heart started beating more intensely at the warmth in Carmilla’s hand against her skin. They walked through the lit streets close together, Carmilla leading the way.

       “Do you want it to be just us or do you mind LaF and Perry accompanying us?”

       “The more the merrier.”

       Carmilla pulled out her phone and placed it on her ear, waited for a couple of seconds before she started speaking in English.

       “LaF? Laura wants to know if you and gingerlocks want to and grab a couple of drinks tonight. We just left Pompidou. No, we’re gonna walk our way over there. Of course we’re taking the subway! Yeah, tell Perry to join us.” A moment of silence, “What? What the… Hand her the phone… Perry.”

       Laura felt her heart flutter as Carmilla held a conversation with Perry in German. Perry apparently needed a little bit more persuasion in the matter, judged by the way Carmilla was speaking and how annoyed she seemed as they continued walking before the girl next to her hung up and gave her a smug grin.

       “All set cutie,” Carmilla said as she placed her phone on her pocket before linking her arm to Laura. “They’re gonna wait for us at the bar.”

       “Not if we get there first.” Laura smiled as she linked her hand with Carmilla’s and they both began to run.

       At first Laura took the lead, but since she had absolutely no idea where she was heading, Carmilla took over. They found a subway station not far from where they were, climbing down the stairs and even though Carmilla was swift in placing her ticket in the lot, Laura had more difficulty.

       “Come on, cupcake.”

       “Hold on. I can’t…. get it to… got it!” The doors opened and Laura linked her hand with Carmilla’s and the sprinted once again. 

       The subway was more crowded than usual, and for an instance Laura thought she heard music echoing through the halls, when they found one of the platforms, the train just arrived.

       Carmilla gave Laura a little pull and they started running towards the middle section, but the beeping sound communicating the train was about to depart sounded. Laura took a leap and her foot got almost stuck between the doors. Panting, both girls stood close to the other, holding onto the metallic handrail as the train moved and Laura appreciated several windows were opened, bringing a refreshening air inside.

       “This is our next stop,” Carmilla said, and linked her hand with Laura’s. “Ready?”

       The doors opened and both girls made a run for it, trotting through the tunnels and took another subway. Laura looked at the clock overhead, signalling they were in station “Belleville,” While Carmilla began walking, finding two empty seats and they sat and rested. Even though Laura knew where Carmilla was heading, she still kept count of how many stops they had left before exiting.

       As the train moved, Laura began to chuckle, unable to control herself.

       “What is it?” Carmilla asked.

       “I can’t imagine what people might have thought about us running through the streets and then the subway.” Laura started laughing even more. “They might have thought about us running away from someone, or that we just committed a crime.” 

       “Believe me, it was definitely the crime,” Carmilla started laughing along. “Come on,” Carmilla took Laura’s hand and stood up, the train signalling they arrived at station “Pigalle.”

       Laura obliged, and they once again took another train, only to get out at the next station in “Abbesses,” where once they exited the underground, they were in a park, with children playing in a merry-go-round before they once again ran uphill. Laura was exhausted, breathless and her temples had a cool line of perspiration as well as the back of her neck as they turned every now and then until they arrived at a small place. Immediately, they both scanned in search of the gingers.

       “Yay, we won!” Laura cheered, trying to catch her breath. They sat down on a table and asked for two waters and two beers.

       “Are you okay in there, cupcake?” Carmilla leaned closer to Laura, her smile radiant that made it difficult for Laura to placate her thumping heart. “It was quite the run.”

       “I haven’t run like that in years.”

       “Haven’t done what?” Perry asked.

       “Did you guys run all the way over here?” LaFontaine asked, their brows furrowed as they got closer to them. 

       “No, we teleported ourselves, duh,” Carmilla exclaimed and as if by magic the glasses with water arrived and both girls drank it with a single gulp.

       Once they both caught their breaths, they sat and chatted, and Laura had a good time, feeling a little bit lightheaded from all the running and the beer, but the company she had at the moment was more than welcomed. 

       It was moments like this one that Laura started noticing that Carmilla did some tiny and almost insignificant things with her and no one else. She noticed that whenever they were alone, Carmilla was more tender with Laura, more physical and would smile more often. But now with Perry and LaFontaine present, she was more into giving them snarky or sarcastic comments and rolled her eyes constantly, just like when they first met at the airplane all those days ago. 

       As the night progressed and drinks were consumed, Laura noticed that Carmilla’s snarky behavior slowly transitioned to one more somber.

       “Are you okay, Carm?” Laura said in a low voice.

       “Yeah I just um…” She played with the glass on her hand. “I’m gonna call it a night.”

       “What? Why?” Perry asked.

       “I have to wake up extra early tomorrow.”

       “I’d love to see that,” LaFontaine blurted out, and earned a nudge from Perry and a glare from Carmilla.

       “Why do you have to wake up early in the morning, sweetie?”

       “I have to catch a train first thing in the morning.”

       “Again?” both Perry and LaFontaine exclaimed in disapproval.

       “Wait, what’s going on?” Laura asked.

       “I um… I’m gonna have to leave town, cupcake.” Carmilla said, her eyes fixed on her drink before turning them to Laura. “Just a couple of days.”

       “How long does ‘a couple of days’ consist of?”

       “A week?” Carmilla’s eyes looked apologetic. “I don’t know for sure, maybe less.” 

       “Maybe more,” LaFontaine exclaimed with their signature matter-of-fact tone.

       “Do you want us to drive you?” Perry offered.

       “Nah, I’ll take the subway.” Carmilla finished her drink. “Just take care of this cutie while I’m gone, will you?” She placed her arm around Laura’s back and gave her a tight squeeze.

       “Of course,” Perry said.

       The air changed between all of them, Perry and LaFontaine talking to themselves and Laura became as quiet as a monk, despite Carmilla’s trying to cheer her up. Once they finished their drinks, they all paid their tabs, left the bar, and began their ascent through the butte, Carmilla and Laura lagging behind from the other two. As if it was already natural for them, Carmilla linked her arm around Laura’s and said,

       “Thank you for today, sweetheart. I really had a good time.”

       “Sure.” Laura replied, her voice hinting sadness.

       “Okay I have to ask you, Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?” Laura shrugged her shoulders. “Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say “Bach Bach Bach!” Carmilla chuckled but Laura only half smiled.

       Laura tried to be happy since it was evident that Carmilla was making an effort in cheering her up, but it was as if the news hit her like a ton of bricks. She knew that she had already decided that she was not going to tell Carmilla how she felt about her, but it was an entire different thing to not have her for a whole week.

       “So I was thinking that once I get back, we should tell Kirsch to make us that dinner he promised you, don’t you think? Did he tell you what he had planned on doing?”

       “No.”

       “He said that it was going to be a surprise?” Laura nodded. “Bet you twenty… No make it five euros, whatever. Bet you that he is going to make his—.”

       “Carm, really. It’s nothing,” Laura replied too quickly.  _ I don’t want you to leave, okay? _ Laura pushed the thought away, feeling that she had no right to have those thoughts. Even though she was aware that it was part of her job, Laura reminded herself that she was the one that stumbled into Carmilla’s life, and that being jealous was never an option when her relationship with Carmilla could not lead to anything besides a friendship .

       “It’s an audit I have to—”

       “—You don’t have to give me any explanations.” Laura gave Carmilla her most sincere smile. “It’s your job, and you were doing this before you even met me.”

       “I know, but—”

       “No.” Laura stopped her. “You don’t have to apologize for something you couldn’t control.”

       “I just…” Carmilla let out a sigh. “I don’t want to come back and realize that you already left.”

       “I’ll do my best.” Laura smiled once again and then remembered something. “So, if everything goes right with your trip and in case your train doesn’t get delayed or anything, there’s gonna be a jazz concert by the Seine on Thursday.”

       “That would be nice.”

       “Sounds like a plan,” Laura replied, her eyes fixed on Carmilla’s, doing her best to not look at her lips.

       Despite her senses being slightly impaired due to the alcohol in her system, Laura had an inner struggle whether or not to kiss Carmilla at that moment. To express her feelings for her with a kiss on that night that had the potential of being their last. Her heart raced and the closeness between Carmilla and herself was too much. Laura leaned a little bit closer, hesitant of Carmilla’s response but the latter remained immobile, she started extending her neck and Carmilla closed her eyes while Laura inched a little bit closer and closer when,

_        Beep beep beeeeeeep _ .

       Someone inside a car shouted in French and Carmilla barked right back at him, before they crossed the remainder of the street and headed back to the apartment in an awkward silence. Once the door was closed, Carmilla headed to her bedroom and quickly pulled out her luggage and began packing in a semi-automatic way, while Laura changed on to her pajamas and brushed her teeth.

       “Do you want me to accompany you to the train station?” Laura offered, standing by the doorframe.

       “I have to leave on the first train. You should sleep instead.” Carmilla disappeared behind the bathroom door for a few seconds, before she reappeared with her personal hygiene products in her hands, tossing them on a clear plastic purse and placed it on the suitcase.

       “Are you going to bed, cupcake?” Carmilla asked from inside her clothes closet.

       “Not yet. I just wanted to change my clothes. Why?”

       “Do you um…” she reappeared, with shirts and pants in her hands, “do you want to watch a movie or something?”

       “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

       “Okay,” Carmilla smiled, “let me just finish packing my suitcase.”

       Laura headed to her room and folded her clothes, adding them to the pile of dirty ones. Stepping out of the bedroom, she found Carmilla crouched on the sofa, the remote in her hand as her eyes were fixed on the screen with Netflix before they both decided on a movie to watch.

       “Are you okay in there, Carmilla?” She looked at the girl sitting next to her, and noticed how tired she seemed. “You should try to get some sleep.”

       “I can’t even if I wanted to.”

       “Why not?” Laura asked, and Carmilla took her eyes from the television and fixed them on Laura. 

       “Too much going on in my head, sweetheart.” She smiled sheepishly.

       “Maybe if I warm a cup of milk or make you some hot chocolate will help you sleep.” Laura offered.

       “It doesn’t work like that, cutie.” She sighed and turned her eyes back on the screen. “I have tried everything and none of it works.”

       “Are you sure?”

       “I’m sure.” Carmilla changed to be in a more comfortable position in the couch. “I’ve tried all the herbs, exercising, gone without coffee, but none of it works.”

       They remained silent for a second, and Laura remembered something her mother used to do with her whenever she had trouble sleeping after a nightmare or a thunderstorm. It was not insomnia, but it was effective in helping her get back to sleep.

       “Can I try something?” but before Carmilla would protest, she pressed on. “If it doesn’t work then we can toss it aside and you can move on.”

       “Sure. What do you want to do?”

       Laura hesitantly raised her arm, reaching out for Carmilla’s hair and stroke her hair with her fingers. The contact made Carmilla’s eyes close and Laura was sure her lips slightly curled. Her hair was soft, and it made Laura’s heart skip a beat as Carmilla’s head leaned at her touch.

       “Come here,” Laura shifted comfortably to the edge of the sofa, allowing Carmilla to rest her head on her lap. “Better?”

       “Mhmm.”

       She continued watching the movie for a short while as her hand brushed against Carmilla’s hair, and even moved her hand on her forehead until Carmilla sighed and Laura noticed she was fast asleep. Focusing her attention to the girl on her lap, Laura rested her hand on Carmilla’s shoulder, her thumb brushing against gently as Carmilla’s chest rose and fell rhythmically, not finding in herself the will to move and wake her up. So instead, she placed her arm on the armrest, supported her head with her hand and closed her eyes.

 

\---

 

       As Laura opened the door of the apartment , thinking it was unbelievable how the list went on and on about places to visit in Paris. But instead of finding the apartment empty like she left it, the smell of freshly brewed coffee filled her lungs while music played in the distance.  _ I must be dreaming. This is all a dream. And when I wake up, Carm will be gone and I will wake up in the sofa _ , Laura thought as she started making her way towards Carmilla’s bedroom thinking she might be there.

       “Carm?” She called, but no one answered.

       Her room was a mess with clothes scattered on the bed and the floor. Her heart skipped a beat and felt a cold shiver run down her back when she recognized that the clothes were not Carmilla’s. They were hers. 

       “Comment êtes-vous entrée dans mon appartement?” A voice called her from behind. Laura froze. “Répondez.”

       Laura turned and noticed the tall woman standing menacingly by the door.

       “Mattie?” Laura said before she could stop herself. “You’re Mattie?”

_        Oh god, I’m so doomed. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, for leaving Kudos, comments (criticism is always welcome) and bookmarking this fic. Follow me on tumblr puccacienta.tumblr.com and follow the tag paris-trip-au for updates or just me ranting about suffering from writers block.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S.: This fic won't be uploaded on a regular or weekly basis, it will come as I finish the chapters so be patient with me and forgive any grammatical errors. Also, I have only been to Paris twice in my life and wanted to make a story with the city in mind, so if you're French and stumble upon this, please don't be mad at me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven can be edible.

       “Whoops,” Carmilla’s voice came through Mattie’s speaker phone.

       “Whoops?  _ Whoops?! _ ” Mattie raised her voice. “Kitty, you bring a stranger to our apartment, to sleep in  _ my _ bedroom. You go out of town  _ again _ , and you don’t even bother to tell me about it?”

       “Mattie, I already told you I’m sorry. It just… slipped my mind.”

       “Oh, that’s great. Perfect,” Mattie paced angrily around the small hallway, trying to compose herself.

       “I should probably—” Laura stood up and Mattie glared at her, making her shrink once again in Carmilla’s bed. “Okay.”

       After several seconds of silence, Mattie let out a defeated sigh.

       “When are you coming back, Kitty?” Her voice stern but there was a hint of affection in there.

       “Soon.” Laura could hear Carmilla letting out a sigh. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

       “What about the girl?”

       “Laura?” Carmilla said, and Laura felt her cheeks warm, from both embarrassment and excitement at hearing Carmilla say her real name instead of a nickname. “She can sleep in my bed until I return. If anything happens, I already made arrangements with Perry and LaFontaine, okay?”

       Several seconds lingered in the apartment.

       “Okay, fine.”

       “Mattie, I really have to go now. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

       “Cioa, bella. Be safe.”

       “Sure.” Carmilla replied before hanging up.

       Mattie looked at the floor, her shoulders sagging before she placed her phone in the back pocket of her jeans and walked over to Carmilla’s bedroom.

       “So… I guess I get to sleep here after all, don’t I?” Laura said, giving Mattie her most innocent smile. 

 

\---

 

       “Hey, sweetheart how have you been?”

       “Hey dad,” Laura tried to sound as happy as she could. “I’ve been… pretty good and you?”

       “Tired,” Mr. Hollis sighed, “but as long as there’s work to do, I can’t complain.”

       “Everything okay at the office?”

       “Just some things not adding up. But we are still waiting for some information from several providers so I think we should be okay. Mr. Vordenberg has been asking all of us to give it our 300% but you know how he is,” There was a moment of silence between them. “But enough about me. Tell me about you? I miss talking with you.”

       “I know, I’m sorry for being so absent lately it’s just that—”

       “—Everything okay?”

       “Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fine, dad.” She tried to sound convincing.

       “Are you sure? I get the feeling something’s bothering you, sweetheart. Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need me to wire you some money?”

       “No I’m still good on money, dad. Thanks. I have been trying to not spend it too quickly, so don’t even think about the money. It’s just that,” Laura remembered she still hadn’t told her dad about Carmilla. “Nothing.”

       “Laura? What’s the matter?” His voice filled with concern.

       Weighing her options, Laura contemplated about telling her dad the truth about where she was truly staying. She knew that he would probably get upset, but was never the best liar in the world to begin with.

       “My roommate’s half-sister kinda hates me.”

       “Roommate?” Mr. Hollis repeated. “What about the hotel you told me you were staying?”

       “I um… I lied about that.”

       “Why?”

       “I don’t know. I was afraid, I guess.”

       “Afraid that I would disapprove of it?”

       “Heh. Yeah.” Laura was aware of the question her dad was about to ask her. “At least you can’t come and pick me up at two in the morning like when I stayed at sleepovers.”

       “Don’t give me reasons not to. I could  _ really _ use some vacations at this point.” He laughed. “So who’s this roommate of yours and how did you meet him or her or them?”

       “Her name is Carmilla. We met each other on the plane, and she has been really nice to me,” Laura continued telling him more details about her, unaware she was smiling as the memories filled her mind, “and guess who’s her half-sister?”

       “The one that you say hates you?”

       “Yeah, that one. Does the name Matska Belmont ring any bells?” A pause. “The leading lady from the independent movie ‘Under the Paving Stones’ The one you were rooting for the Oscars last year? ” She could practically hear the gears turning inside her dad’s head. “Yeah,  _ that _ Matska Belmont.”

       “No.”

       “Yeah.”

       “No!”

       “Yep.”

       Mr Hollis began to get excited and Laura smiled as she listened to his voice become animated. Laura teased him every now and then about how he was “fangirling” for Mattie for several minutes, before he composed herself and changed the subject.

       “And is this Carmilla, your… girlfriend?”

       “What? No! How can you ask me that?”

       “Well you were nervous to tell me about her.”

       “Well that’s what happens when you have a dad that used to give you day of the week bear spray and got you into Krav Maga classes at eight years oldt.”

       “For the last time, it was for your… don’t change the subject Laura!” His voice was stern but Laura could not stop herself from letting out a chuckle.

       “I know dad, I was just messing with you.”

       “It’s okay, sweetheart.” He cleared his throat. “So this roommate of yours, Carmilla. You like her don’t you?” Laura remained silent, feeling a warmth crawl up in her neck and her dad started chuckling. “I guess that explains my answer. So are you girls dating?”

       “I can’t date her, dad. I don’t think even I should even tell her I like her.”

       “Why not?”

       “It’s the perfect recipe for disaster.”

       “Why? She doesn’t like you back?”

       “No. Maybe? I don’t know.”

       Laura gave him little details about Carmilla’s behavior towards her ever since she met her all those days ago in the plane. As she said these things out loud, it was becoming clearer to her that maybe Carmilla  _ might _ have feelings for her, making her heart start beating quickly against her chest. The thought that maybe having a chance with Carmilla was immensely exciting and foreign and magnificent for her. Her heartbeat thumped and the first thing she thought of was to run to the apartment and…  

       But Laura remembered that Carmilla was still out of town. 

       She slumped back on the bench she was sitting on and swallowed the lump forming in her throat.

       The fact that Carmilla had been absent for two days already was taking a toll on her outings, feeling like the afternoon strolls were not the same without her. She grew accustomed to having Carmilla by her side, to have their arms linked or Carmilla holding her wrist in densely crowded areas. 

       “I’ll let you go, sweetheart. I have to get some rest.”

       “Sleep well, dad. And thanks for everything.”

       “Always, sweetheart. I love you.”

       “Love you too. Bye, dad.”

       She placed her phone back in her purse, looked around her before finishing her coffee, wishing she had someone to talk with as the city continued moving around her.

 

\---

 

       As Laura opened her eyes and rubbed the drowsiness left in them, she became aware that the color of her ceiling seemed different. It wasn’t the dull beige of her apartment or the warm yellow of her dad’s house, nor the creamy brown from her room in Mattie’s room. No. It was a light gray. 

       Carmilla’s bedroom.

       She turned and observed the somewhat familiar walls covered with old photographs, the faded film posters and illustrations, the bookshelf filled with books both old and new. She had been meaning to get a closer look at everything, but the first day she was forced to move in, Laura ended up exhausted from folding and sorting her clothes in her suitcase and separating the dirty laundry from the clean. 

       But now that she had no plan in leaving soon, Laura sat on the edge of the bed and watched the different objects in Carmilla’s dresser. There were two different perfumes, a black and white photograph of Mattie and Carmilla, a pair of earrings, an old necklace and some spare change. Laura looked in detail at everything, trying to get a better idea of who Carmilla was, and evaluated what made her develop feelings for her. The Photographs hanging from the wall mostly consisted of black and white landscapes, some of them were a forest or a dark empty street, but then there was this single person getting lost between the context of the frame. And the more she tried to understand, the more her heart clenched with sadness as she looked at the photographs, for they all had a melancholy, a sadness in them emphasized by the single figure in them that Laura understood that the person was either lost or wanting to be invisible. 

       The minutes passed, and even though Carmilla downloaded Whatsapp so Laura could call or send her messages, she was still unable to bring herself to send her anything. Yes, they exchanged a few messages the first day Carmilla was away, but Laura was not going to bombard her with messages or even worse, call her.  _ Carmilla has better things than read my stupid messages _ , Laura thought to herself,  _ and plus, I don’t want to come as being too attached or that I like her. No, it’s better this way. _ She shook her thoughts away and headed towards the bathroom, taking a quick shower and changed, before she sneaked over to the kitchen to have some breakfast.

       So whenever Laura came back to the apartment in the evenings and found that Mattie already there, despite her denying it, Laura was aware that she had been avoiding Mattie in the past two days since the actress had arrived. Yes, Mattie was a gorgeous woman with glowing dark skin and luscious black curls. A little bit scary, but gorgeous nonetheless. If Laura thought that Carmilla’s eyes were penetrating, they were nothing compared to her big sister’s. But she had and elegance in the way she carried herself that even if she wore washed out torn up jeans, an old plain white V-neck t-shirt and beaten up red Converse and aviator glasses, she would still look like a rock star. 

       So, as Laura finished getting ready to head out and wander around Paris (it was not the same without Carmilla), she walked over to the small living room area to gather her things, when she noticed something seemed different. Intrigued, she looked around and noticed there was a sheet of paper folded in half. Laura opened it and there was a beautifully cursive handwritten note, the lettering almost perfect as each curve was the same height and slanted at the exact same angle. As she began to read its content, Laura felt her heart skip a beat and a dread travelled all over her body.

       “Laura:

       I know I haven’t been the easiest person to deal with, and my character is not the most amiable and the way that I treated you back on the day I first met you I was more than impolite. I apologize for that but please, put yourself in my shoes. 

       But if we’re going to spend some time together, for your sake and mine, I ask you to stop avoiding me by crawling and hiding in my sister’s bedroom. So I’m going to ask you that whenever you come back to the apartment and instead of hiding, you will join me for a cup of coffee and we will have a small discussion regarding your stay in here like normal decent people.

       Matska Belmont”

 

\---

 

       The Gap, Sephora, Zara, H&M, Lacoste, Tiffany's, Cartier, Swarovski, Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Renault, Peugeot, Mercedes and so many more stores surrounded Laura in one of the most crowded boulevards in all of Paris. Danny took her to almost every store at Champs Elysees, and the slight inclination of the boulevard that lead to one of the most iconic monuments in all of Paris, the Arch du Triomphe, was taking a toll on her feet. She was tired, her calves were starting to burn and one of her toes ached from being stepped on several times.

       “Are you sure you don’t want me to help you?” Danny offered, placing her phone in her back pocket. “Here, let me carry these.” She took several of the bags from Laura’s fingers, switching them to the hand that was opposite from Laura. 

       “Danny,” she said seriously, trying to grab hold of the bags again but failed. “I already told you I can carry them. I might be short but I’m not helpless.”

       She looked at her hands and noticed her fingers were a mixture of deep red and white from holding the bag handles for too long, and that they ached whenever she tried to move them. 

       “Hollis!” Danny raised her voice, sounding more British than she already was. “Will you stop it with you trying to belittle yourself? I’m just doing this because the redness your hands are actually freaking me out a bit. Here,” She slipped the bags up on her wrist and reached for Laura’s hand, “let me try something that will help.”

       Danny took Laura’s hand between hers, and started massaging them with her own. At first it was a hurting sensation, but after a matter of seconds Laura’s hands started feeling better and their color was coming back to its original shade. Laura could feel the warmth of Danny’s hand in hers, and even though she wanted to say something, the fact that it had been such a long time since she had felt a hand holding hers was exhilarating. But then Danny stopped and somehow her hand ended up linked to the tall ginger’s. A sense of remorse clutched her chest, dictating her that it was wrong to lead Danny on to something was not meant to happen. 

       As soon as the light turned green for pedestrians, both girls started walking and Laura made her way through the incoming crowd of pedestrians, releasing her hand from Danny’s grip and told her she would follow from behind, picking up her pace before the light turned red on the other side. As they both reached the other side, Laura met up with Danny, but struggled to follow her pace as it was difficult to catch up with her long strides. 

       “Have you ever tried a macaron, Laura?”

       “Maca… What?”

       “Macaron” She repeated herself and chuckled. “I guess that answered my question.” Danny took Laura by the arm and picked up her pace.

       Laura could feel her feet aching, and even though Danny moved effortlessly through the crowds, it was difficult for Laura to do so. 

       Trying to distract herself from thinking about her aching feet, Laura noticed the buildings around her, the people walking with bags in their hands and the cars driving by. There were different colored double decker buses passing in front of her, filled with tourists snapping pictures and even several people on hooded pedicabs transporting people, mostly couples or businessmen in suits.

       They continued walking until they reached what seemed like a small cafe, with a framed metalwork painted green with delicate gold details on the edges of the entrance with several decorative heads between each window, and gold letters that read “Ladurée.” As Laura caught up with Danny, there was a line that went outside the entrance, a sign overhead with the same shade of green and gold that Laura thought that these macarons were probably going to cost her a fortune.

       She talked with Danny, or to be more specific, Danny did most of the talking regardless that every now and then she pulled out her phone to answer a text message. 

       As they finally reached the entrance door, Laura found herself without words as she got a view of the inside. Everything was so beautifully detailed, the paintings on the walls and ceilings, the warm lighting, the perfectly stacked boxes behind the counter and the rich colors of the macarons and pastries that made Laura’s mouth water just by looking at them. As she made her way through the line, Danny took her hand and began talking to a girl in French, that Laura took the opportunity to get a glimpse at her uniform. She was wearing a black long sleeved shirt, a small ribbon tied in a bow around her neck and a perfectly white apron, her hair braided into an effortlessly messy bun while her hands gracefully moved around the different flavors that Danny pointed at her, followed by wrapping the little p â tisseries in a box. She wrote down something on a sheet of paper before having both Laura and Danny walk to the register, who placed the order in one of the mint pastel colored bags that Laura saw earlier.

       “So… What did you think of it?” Danny asked Laura once they stepped outside, her lips curled on a genuine smile.

       “I think that if heaven exists, it will be  _ that _ place.”

       “Yeah, I got that same reaction the first time I came here,” she leaned a little closer to Laura, “and their patisseries are bloody delicious.”

       “And um… Thanks for paying.”

       “Oh, it’s my pleasure.” Danny pulled her phone out once again and typed something quickly before placing it back in her pocket. “So now that we have the macarons, all we need is a cup of tea, or coffee, to go with it.”

       They headed to the subway and walked through the crowded and narrow corridors, before they arrived at the station when the train had just departed. Danny walked over to the end of the train and Laura followed from behind, feeling how her feet were aching more and more as she continued walking until after a minute the train arrived again and they rode it.

       Danny leaned close to Laura, and even placed her hand around her waist as the pull from the train starting to move almost made her lose her grip from holding the metallic pole. Even if Laura knew that she was leading Danny into thinking that there might be something happening between them, deep down she knew that it wasn’t true. She liked Danny as a friend. So maybe the invitation to go with her to the jazz concert was probably not going to happen. Or if she did, the fact that Perry and LaFontaine had already agreed to accompany her was the perfect opportunity for Danny to realize the situation between them.

       The doors opened and Danny gave her a light push, and noticed that everybody left in the train started leaving. As they left the train and began to ascend the last flight of stairs, Laura was breath taken by the view in front of her.

       She had seen pictures of this place in travel magazines and through television. Even though she always thought it looked very futuristic, now she realized it looked more like she had transported herself to a combination of both old futuristic and the latest technology available at the moment. As she looked around her, Laura observed the skyscrapers covered in windows and the gigantic colorful statues scattered around her. There was an esplanade in front of her turned into a park and water fountains that echoed a serenity as she watched people playing, teenagers skating and laughing in crowds, children running, and people exercising. The Arche la Defense to her right and what she was sure was the Arc du Triomphe was to the left in the distance. 

       “Here you go, miss.” Danny appeared with two paper cups in her hands and handed one to Laura’s side and sat down next to her.

       “Thanks,” Laura said and took a sip, feeling the warmth of the drink going down her throat. “How much do I owe you.”

       “It was free ninety-nine.”

       “Three ninety-nine?” Laura started taking her money but Danny placed her hand on top of hers.

       “No.  _ Free _ ninety-nine.” Danny kept her hand in Laura’s, her fingers slithering through Laura’s until she properly held her hand. 

       It was windy on this side of Paris, and Laura hugged herself before Danny placed an arm around her back and got even closer to where she was. The talked for a while and consumed their drinks, before Danny began to shuffle Laura’s bags around and took out a small lilac box filled with macarons and opened them for Laura, telling her the flavors she chose. Laura took one and observed it, before Danny took it from her hand and held it for Laura to take a bite. At first she protested but Danny did not budge, so Laura leaned in and bit a small portion of the macaron.

       It was delicious. Very. Like, unbelievably delicious.

       They were so good that the pastries from Danny’s workplace couldn’t compare to these. The flavor was not overpowering, and they way it melted in her mouth was like she had tasted a little piece of heaven.

       “Oh my god, these are delicious.”

       “Told you they were bloody good. Here, try another one.” Danny pulled out another macaron and held it for Laura to take a bite. 

       Laura tried to take it from Danny’s hand and bite it herself, but Danny insisted on holding it. As she took the bite, she could feel Danny’s eyes fixed upon her that when she reached out for one and took a bite, unaware that the tall girl sitting next to her had opened her mouth in expectation for Laura to do the same. As she became aware of this, Laura chuckled and Danny followed, making the air lighter than before as they continued chatting and finished consumed both their drinks and the pastries.

 

\---

 

       Their way back to Montmartre had been filled with laughter, and a lot of stair climbing that once they reached the top of the hill Danny accompanied Laura to walk her to where she was staying. With her bags in her hand, her feet aching and despite the caffeine she drank earlier in the afternoon did no effect to her, Laura was ready to call it a night.

       “You really didn’t had to walk me here Danny. ”

       “I just wanted to make sure that you got home safe and sound.” Laura placed her hand on the doorknob. “Hey, I wanted to ask you if you’d like to go out again sometime, before the jazz concert.”

       Laura stood motionless in her place, her mind thinking of whether to reject or accept Danny’s offer. She knew that she would lead Danny on in thinking that she was into her, but at the same time, she enjoyed being around with her. Her mind contradicted itself time and time again that a second felt like an eternity.

       “Just think about it. If you do, you know where to find me.”

       “Oh, um. Yeah, thanks Danny,” Laura’s voice came out more animated than she expected.

       “Cool. Well, I’ll see you around, Hollis.”

       “Take care, Danny. And again, thanks for today.”

       Danny delicately took Laura’s free hand with hers, and leaned closer to Laura. Everything was happening in slow motion, but Laura noticed how the distance between Danny and hers was diminishing as Danny’s eyelids began to close. With a frantic heart, Laura did the only thing that she thought of, and as the distance was almost non existent, she turned her head and felt Danny’s lips pressed against her cheek.

       “I’ll see you later, Hollis.” Danny whispered, Laura felt her breath brush her skin that sent shivers down her spine.

       “Um… yeah. See ya later. Be safe out there, Danny.”

       “Always.”

       Laura turned and entered the building and began to climb once again the stairs until she reached her door and opened it, aware that Mattie was probably already waiting for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, for leaving Kudos, comments (criticism is always welcome) and bookmarking this fic. Follow me on tumblr puccacienta.tumblr.com and follow the tag paris-trip-au for updates or just me ranting about suffering from writers block.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S.: This fic won't be uploaded on a regular or weekly basis, it will come as I finish the chapters so be patient with me and forgive any grammatical errors. Also, I have only been to Paris twice in my life and wanted to make a story with the city in mind, so if you're French and stumble upon this, please don't be mad at me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is just full of surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Jazz Sur La Seine is an actual thing but I was unfortunate to be there since it was a week after I got back from Paris. If you'd be interested, please let me know in the comments if you want a small playlist to listen accompanied with this chapter. Thanks for everything!

       “God, I thought you’d never arrive,” a voice came from inside. “Do you think that I have nothing else to do? Like my whole life revolves around you?”

       “Sorry for getting here so late,” Laura quickly placed her bags in Carmilla’s room and headed towards the kitchen. Mattie was already busy preparing herself a cup of coffee, while Laura filled a glass with water and drank it in three gulps before refilling it again.

       “Did you read the note I left you?” Mattie sat on one of the chairs from the table and signalled Laura to do the same, who nodded and met Mattie on the opposite side. “Good. So I need to talk with you about some things that I feel need to be addressed.” She took a sip from her coffee, her words measured and her appearance despite seeming relaxed, it did not helped Laura to feel at ease. “The first thing that I want to talk about, and I addressed it in the letter was my behaviour. I apologize for that.”

       “You don’t have to apologize for it. I understand that it’s not my place to stay here, and even less when Carm didn’t even told you about me. Like I told your sister when I first arrived, if you have a problem with me staying here, I will find a hotel and stay out of your way.”

       “We will discuss that matter later. For now, you will be able to remain in this apartment. Also, don’t think that I have noticed that you have been avoiding me,” Laura was about to protest but Mattie raised her hand and stopped her. “Let me be clear to you. My career has nothing to do with who I am. Movies and theatre are make-believe, they are fake. The roles that I play, are just that. I am a person who happened to become an actor but that does not define my personality, so if you can please stop avoiding me or think that I am above you, you are deeply mistaken. It is just a job, and I expect you to treat me like anybody else who crosses your path. Understood?”

       “Yes.”

       “The next thing that I want to talk about is,” she took another sip from her cup, Laura did the same. “I have noticed that my sister is rather fond of you, but even though I trust her judgement, I still have my doubts about you. I am not saying that you seem like a bad person, on the contrary, there is something about you that is quite endearing. So I can understand why Carm has kept you. But since you have been staying here for some time, and been by yourself and haven’t managed to steal anything, I will decide whether you stay or leave once Carm gets back.” Laura could feel Mattie’s piercing eyes fixed upon hers. “So I want to ask you, what do you gain with all of this?”

       Seconds passed, but Laura could not understand the question.

       “Why should there be a reason for me to gain anything?” She asked, taking a sip from her water.

       “Don’t pretend like you don’t know anything,” Mattie’s voice was stern even though she was smiling. And despite the fact that Laura had nothing to hide, the uneasy feeling still didn’t dissipate.

       “Do you want some coffee?” Mattie stood up, not even waiting for Laura’s response and headed over to the cabinet, poured herself a cup of coffee and took another cup and poured the dark liquid. “Cream and sugar?”

       “Um, yes.”

       “How much?”

       “Two lumps of sugar. Heavy on the cream.”

       Laura observed the actress move around the kitchen effortlessly, pouring the sugar and cream, before she placed a spoon, the clinking of the spoon hitting the mug’s walls was the only sound between them. Mattie resumed her original position at the table, placing the warm cup in front of Laura.

       “Like I said before, Carmilla seems to be attached to you, somehow. I can see that in the naive way you carry yourself. But I am Carmilla’s older sister and I have seen her get hurt, more than anybody else I have met, and I would hate to see the story repeat itself because of you. So my question remains, what’s in it for you?”

       “I already told you. Carmilla was the one that offered me to stay. Never in our entire conversation during the plane I hinted to her for an offer or anything of the sort. The only thing I asked her was to give me some basic french phrases to get around, and help me find a currency exchange house but that was it.” Laura drank from her cup. “And as I already told you, if I would have wanted to take advantage of her kindness and hospitality to me, I would have taken something and disappeared. Look, I am very grateful that I found your sister, I really am, but it has never been my intention of hurting her in any way imaginable. I just couldn’t.” Those last words came out loaded with emotions that Laura felt her heart break a little bit.

       “You…” Mattie remained silent for what Laura felt were hours, before she furrowed her brows and studied Laura, who tried to look at everything except the woman in front of her. “You like Carmilla, don’t you?” Laura tried to answer but Mattie beat her to it.

       “What? No. No.” Mattie chuckled darkly.

       “Gidget, I’m an actress, I can see through those doe eyes of yours that you do. Stop fooling yourself and admit it, at least to me,” she took another sip from her coffee, before her features turned serious. “Have you told her?”

       “No.”

       “Will you?”

       The constant change of emotions Mattie was throwing at Laura was giving her whiplash, not knowing what to say next and the probability of whether it was going to get her in or out of trouble was getting out of hand.

       “No. Like I said, I don’t want her getting hurt.” Laura replied, her voice coming out more assured than she expected. “I don’t know how much longer I will stay, and even if I did, everything is going to end badly anyways, so I would never forgive myself for hurting her.”

       “Good. I’m glad we established things.”

       Laura could feel her heart clenching in her chest. It was true, the last thing she wanted was to hurt Carmilla, but deep down she wished for something to happen between them. Carmilla was becoming someone very important for her, but if what Mattie told her was true, that Carmilla had already suffered enough. The worst that Laura could do would be to create a new wound in her.

       “You’re an honest person, Laura. I’ll give you that.” She finished her drink. “I’m going to watch some television, do you want to join me?”

       “No, I’m just going to rest.”

       “I’m glad we had this talk, Laura,” Mattie smiled at Laura, but could not figure out the sentiment behind it.

       “Yeah, me too.”

       Laura, headed over to Carmilla’s bedroom and shut the door behind her, feeling how her body and her mind were drained from all the walking with Danny and the conversation she just had with Carmilla’s older half-sister. She changed her clothes, brushed her teeth and hid herself underneath the blankets. She looked at her phone, and in less than three days, Carmilla was supposed to be back.

       If everything went alright.

 

\---

 

       Perry and LaFontaine were excited that Laura invited them to the concert by the Seine. And even though Laura didn’t had a clue where it was going to be held, she followed Danny’s directions of where they were to meet. At first Danny insisted in picking Laura up now that she knew where she lived, but Laura insisted. In fact, Laura always insisted on doing things on her own account. If there was one thing she wanted to avoid as much as possible was to cause a dent in her relationship with Mattie, now that she somewhat approved of her after they had the small talk two days ago.

       So, as the three of them exited the subway station “Cité,” a crowd of people was already gathered around them, with jazz music playing between the hallways of the old flower market.

       “Sweetie, did your friend tell you where you were to meet her?”

       “She said something about a double bridge? Pond Doo?” LaFontaine laughed, but turned serious once Perry elbowed them.

       “Pont Double. Yeah it’s the one across from Notre Dame, remember, Perr?”

       “There are many bridges that are close to Notre Dame, LaFontaine.”

       “Trust me, I know where it is.”

       They started walking through the crowds from either tourists or locals, serpentining as they made their way around the buildings in order to get to Notre Dame, following LaFontaine like they were a human homing beacon. Music changed every now and then as they continued travelling through the chill air of Paris, accompanied by an ecstatic energy that made Laura want to dance despite the fact that she was pretty bad at it. Or she thought she was.

       The different instruments playing at the same time, the beating of drums, guitars, trumpets, bass, clarinets and others came from both inside cafes and around them. In full honesty, Laura was extremely excited about this “Paris Sur La Seine” event going on.

       But then it dawned on her that she hadn’t heard this type of music ever since she was a little girl, as her dad used to listen to NPR in the mornings while driving her to school. She never appreciated the music since there were no lyrics, the beats changed irregularly and at times she thought it all sounded the same or a bunch of instruments making noise. In reality, the only thing she wanted to hear was her Spice Girls CD, which her dad despite objecting to her playing it, knew all the lyrics by heart. But now that she was able to witness it live, she could not stop thinking that her dad would be having a kick, and probably tease her for finding it entertaining.

       As they reached the esplanade, the crowd was filled with tourists, selfie-sticks, and endless lines just to enter the cathedral. Even though Laura had already visited it, she was still taken aback by the amount of detail this architectural masterpiece had. She could see the carved reliefs in the pointed arches in the entrance, the saints, the colorful and intricate stained-glass windows that looked magnificent and ethereal from the inside, and even the gargoyles that flanked the belltowers that kind of gave her the creeps.

       They continued walking amongst the crowds and crossed the bridge. If she was being true to herself, Laura would never have realized she was crossing the Seine due to the width of the bridge. The music played along blending itself with the traffic, the chattering of the people around her, but Laura paid no attention to it as she was on the lookout for Danny. She never expected to have a hard time spotting her from amongst the crowd, but Laura guessed that happened when apparently _everybody_ was taller than her. With every step she took, there was a mixture of dread and relief of not being able to find her friend, feeling that she had gotten tired of waiting for her and decided to head home, until she spotted her. Shit. She was standing on the edge of the rail of the bridge, with a cigarette in her mouth.

       As she spotted Laura, Danny gave her a big smile and finished her cigarette, stepping on it with her toe to extinguish the tiny ember and walked over to Laura, but her happiness faulted as she noticed the two redheads following Laura.

       “Hey, Hollis. Didn’t think you’d make it.”

       “Sorry for being late.”

       “Don’t worry about it. I got here late as well so,” Laura turned and introduced Perry and LaFontaine.

       Laura looked at Danny closely, and noticed that despite showing indifference in her manner, her posture deflated a little bit as they continued walking across the bridge before they descended the stairs, and a crowd of people was already gathered around a band playing already.

       There were people dancing, (Menilmontant, Avalon Jazz Band) some tapping to the rhythm on their thighs, while others snapped their fingers and nodded their heads as they listened to the music, while others took pictures with the view of Notre Dame atop the bridge with trees and people walking in the distance. Laura observed everything around her, her eyes travelling so her brain could gather even the smallest detail, when she felt an arm bump on her shoulder.

       “Hey. You okay?”

       “Yeah. I was just looking. Thanks for inviting me.”

       “Absolutely.”

       Danny placed her hand on Laura’s shoulders. She wanted to distance herself from Danny’s touch, afraid that Perry and LaFontaine might see her and get the wrong idea about her. Yes, it was true that none of them were aware of her feelings for Carmilla, but before Carmilla left the three of them had become closer than when they first met, but still. She felt… dirty. Like she was committing something awful by being next to Danny and allow her for her feelings to grow despite her not doing anything to encourage her.

 _Maybe this whole thing was a mistake_ , she thought, as Danny’s hand ran down a little bit down on her shoulder that it became almost unbearable. She didn’t knew what to do or say. She liked Danny as a friend, but despite the different attempts she made towards being clear she wanted nothing more than a friendship, it was obviously not working.

       The music stopped playing and people applauded. Laura was thankful that Danny removed her hand to pick up her phone, who in turn took the opportunity to move a little bit closer to where LaFontaine were and started a conversation with them. She asked them for Perry, who answered she was calling her mom back in Aachen as she did every single day, otherwise her mom would call her every five minutes until she answered. A couple of minutes elapsed in conversation with LaFontaine, as Danny chatted with someone in the crowd before she returned next to Laura.

       “Hey, someone just said there was going to be a band playing outside Shakespeare and Co. in a few minutes. We should go,” Danny offered.

       “We have to wait for Perry, she’s taking a phone call,” LaFontaine said.

       “Meet us there, then. Laura and I can start heading there to find a good spot and you can catch up.”

       “I think we should wait for her, Danny,” Laura added, hoping that her rejection was not too forward.

       “Oh. Yeah, we can um… We can stay here a bit.”

       LaFontaine began to make small talk with Laura, and despite Laura making an effort in incorporating Danny in the conversation, they never addressed a question to her. A few minutes passed before Perry returned to the small party with a big smile painted in her lips before they began to make their way up the bridge and walked to where the new band was already playing.

       Danny took out her phone and tapped something before she returned her attention to Laura. The music was more mellow than the one before, but Laura still enjoyed herself despite the circumstances she had gotten herself into. She looked at the distance and noticed how Perry and LaFontaine were happy amongst each other. How LaFontaine took Perry’s hand and gave it a kiss in the back of her hand, before they twirled her around and started dancing together, not caring whether they did it properly or not. Perry hid her face in their shoulder, but Laura could see the happiness in her eyes as they whispered something in her ear and gave them a peck on the lips before they resumed dancing.

       “Do you want to leave?” Danny whispered in Laura’s ear.

       “Why?” She answered, turning to face the tall girl. “Do _you_ want to leave?”

       “To be honest with you, yeah. I’m actually not fond of this music.”

       “Then why did you asked me to come with you?”

       Danny, without taking her eyes from Laura, reached out and linked their fingers together.

       “Can I talk to you for a minute?” Danny said in a low voice, her overall confidence faulting.

       Those words made Laura’s heart skip a beat that caused a cold shiver travel her entire body.

       “Danny… I” Laura could not find the words, when she was saved by Danny’s phone beeping, who did not even looked at it. “Aren’t you going to answer it?” Danny hesitated for a second but Laura gave her a reassuring smile before adding, “go ahead, I don’t mind.”

       As Danny unlinked their hands and pulled out her phone, Laura felt her heart beating hard against her chest. She knew what she had to do. She needed to put a stop to Danny, and maybe tonight was going to be the night whether she liked it or not. The music continued playing, while people carried on listening and dancing, unaware that Laura was at the brink of suffering a heart attack.

       Laura looked at her hands and noticed they were shaking but shook them and gathered up all the courage she had in herself, feeling that if she didn’t do this tonight, she would never do it and regret it immensely for the rest of her trip. As she noticed that Danny was approaching, Laura hesitantly met her halfway, not even sure of what she was going to tell the tall girl, who once again linked their fingers together.

       “Hey so, that was one of my friends from school, and they said that we should go somewhere else, probably a club. You know? Get a couple of drinks, dance a little bit?”

       “I will ask Perry and LaF if they would like to—.”

       “—Why them?”

       “You don’t want them to come?”

       “No.”

       “Why not?”

       “I am asking _you_ if you’d like to come with me.”

       “Umm… no?” She knew what Danny was going to ask her for a reason, “I don’t like to go clubbing and besides, Perry and LaFontaine are my friends. I can’t just simply abandon them, it would be very rude.”

       “Do you think it’s rude to ditch a pair of friends who you’ve only seen like twice ever since you came here?” Danny leaned a little bit closer to Laura. “Come on, Hollis. Have some fun and come with us.”

       “I _am_ having fun, Danny.”

       “Well then how come you weren’t dancing?”

       “Because I _don’t_ know how to dance?” Laura could feel her emotions betting the better of her. She was venturing into a territory she didn't wanted to go because she knew that she could hurt Danny more than what she was already going to hurt.

       “But we would be having much more fun, just the two of us.” Laura felt a little pull from her linked hand with Danny’s.

       “If you want to go, go. ”

       “Come on, Hollis. We will just be with them for a couple of minutes.”

       Laura looked back at the crowd, took a breath and composed herself.

       “I appreciate the offer, but I can’t leave them like that. You go ahead and have fun with your friends.” Laura released her hand from Danny, to have it relinked two seconds later. “Danny, no,” she untangled her hand.

       “What?”

       “Stop trying to hold my hand,” at that moment, Danny reached out for it once again. “I said no.”

       “What? I’m not doing anything.”

       “Yes you are.”

       “I just want to hold your hand—.”

       “—Well I don’t want you to.” Laura flinched and crossed her arms, her tone serious and the air became heavy between them. “Danny—”

       “Why?”

       “Because… Because…” Laura fixed her eyes upon Danny’s, and noticed the hurt was evident in them as tears formed at the edge of those deep blue eyes. “I like you, but not in the way you’d like me to. I know I should’ve said something earlier, but… I didn’t wanted to hurt you.”

       “You’re telling me that you… You know what?” Danny folded her arms. “I can’t believe your nerve.”

       “It wasn’t my intention, I… Can’t believe _my_ nerve?”

       “Yes. You made me believe that you wanted this.”

       “I’m sorry for not having a sign on my forehead or wearing a t-shirt saying that ‘I’m not into you.’” Laura placed her hands on her hips and let out a deep sigh. “Danny, I didn’t wanted things to get to this point,” her voice defeated.

       “You should have thought about that before you left me to believe the opposite.”

       “I didn’t do anything that might have—”

       “—Are you seriously telling me this right now?”

       “Yes.” Laura’s efforts in keeping herself composed were almost extinguished right now. She knew that this was Danny reacting to being hurt as a sort of self-mechanism, but there was so much she could take. “You were the one that always _insisted_ on buying me food, the macarons, the coffee, in carrying my bags, taking me to that small restaurant on your lunch break. _You_ did everything. You.”

       “But you always said yes!”

       “Because you don’t take ‘no’ for an answer.” A crowd of people passed next to them whooping and dancing, and Laura could hear jazz playing in the distance. She took a deep breath to calm herself. “I have to go. I don’t want Perry and LaFontaine think that I ditched them.”

       “No, of course not.” Danny rolled her eyes, but her tone was dark and filled with bitterness.

       “Do you know what, Danny? I don’t want to continue this conversation because I don’t want to say something that I will regret later or that might hurt you more than you already are. I hope you have fun with your friends at the club.”

       Without allowing Danny to say anything else, Laura turned and walked away to the crowd she had last seen her friends. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her hands were shaking, letting out a sigh and felt her vision blur by the tears forming underneath her eyes. She knew that she had to do with it, that the fault was mostly hers in never putting a stop to Danny, but she never expected for Danny to get so upset about it.

       Laura took out her phone, and noticed that Perry had sent her a message, asking of her whereabouts. Without hesitation Laura answered her, who in turn gave Laura directions as to where they should meet.

       Taking her time walking, Laura tried to compose herself but it was harder than she expected as her feelings were getting the better of her. As Laura walked back on Pont Double, the sky was getting darker, but there was something around her that did the trick in soothing her.

       Maybe it was witnessing how the street lamps and floodlights illuminating several buildings going on before her eyes, or maybe it was the reflection of the lights on the river, or the warmth of the lighting, but Laura took a moment to grasp and etch the memory onto her brain. Yes, she had walked around Paris at night before, but this moment took her breath away, making her fall in love once again with this city. Getting closer to the edge of the bronze balustrade of the bridge, she rested her elbows on it and absorbed everything around her. The boats sailing underneath her, the flashing of cameras, the chattering around her in different accents that some of the were foreign to her, Notre Dame behind her shoulder and the faint sound of a saxophone playing in the distance. _If only Carmilla were here with me to see this_ , she thought.

       As her spirit was once again renewed, she resumed her journey and walked on the side of Notre Dame through an elongated pathway with flowers and benches. People kissing and talking with each other, while others ran or jogged. She slowed her pace to observe the flying buttresses of almost at the end of Notre Dame, the intricacy of the exterior that created a web of lights and shadows within itself that created marvelous depths seemed to have been constructed effortlessly, despite it took 200 years to finish it, before she found the bridge Perry mentioned in her text until she spotted them.

       Just like Laura, Perry and LaFontaine were resting and looking in the distance, and for a second Laura felt her heart clenching with the realization that she was by herself. Yes, she had made the decision of not letting Carmilla know about her feelings for her, but still. Seeing them so in love with each other, the way that LaFontaine looked at Perry and the intimate way they held hands, as if Perry was the most delicate creature LaFontaine had ever held their eyes upon. Laura realized that she wanted that, and she wanted it to be Carmilla. _No_ , she thought and shook her head, _you already made that decision. Carmilla has already suffered too much and you shouldn’t bring her any more pain. Get yourself together, Laura, and grow an extra pair._

       “Hey guys,” Laura tried to sound cheerful. “Sorry for keeping you waiting.”

       “Where’s your friend? Isn’t she coming with us?” Perry asked.

       “No, um. She had to be somewhere else.”

       “Sure she did,” LaFontaine mentioned, but was scolded by Perry’s eyes. “So um, do you guys want to eat?”

       Laura was indeed very hungry, so they finished crossing the bridge and there was a small but beautiful cafe on the corner, with their windowpanes open that accommodated more tables, and black panels with gold lettering on the outside. Once they entered and were seated on a small white marble table, Laura looked around and saw several large mirrors with wine bottles above them, decorated with white stenciled numbers painted on them.

       There was still music travelling through the air and while the servers walked to and fro a small station in one of the columns and hastily sliced from several assorted baguettes before serving them in with baskets and brought them to the tables.

       “Sweetie, you haven’t even looked at your menu,” Perry told Laura in a warm tone.

       Laura blushed, aware that she hadn’t even glanced at her menu and asked them to translate several items for her. Even though her French has been getting better, she still felt like she needed help with some things. After pondering for several seconds, Laura decided on the chicken and asked them to order a glass of wine to accompany it. Several minutes later, the server came and took their orders, and Laura was brought a glass of white wine.

       “Thanks for asking us to hang out with you, sweetie,” Perry said, her features warm. “We had a very good time.”

       “I should thank you, guys. Even though I wasn’t with you most of the time.”

       “And what did you do with your friend?” LaFontaine asked but Laura remained silent. “You broke up with her, didn’t you?”

       “LaFontaine!”

       “What? Come on Perr, didn’t you noticed how she looked at Laura? It was obvious she was into you.”

       “It doesn’t matter anymore,” the memories fogged Laura’s thoughts and for the split of a second she felt bad for Danny, but decided to push the thought away. She was with Perry and LaFontaine now.

       They changed the subject and it was Perry’s phone that rang again. She excused herself and walked outside her lips curling before she answered in German, leaving LaFontaine and Laura by themselves.

       “Hey so, I told Kirsch that whenever Carmilla came back, we could have the small party at either of your apartments.”

       “Did he mention he was going to cook?”

       “Yeah, he said that it was going to be a surprise. Although I’m kinda nervous at what he’s going to prepare.”

       “Don’t worry about that, he’s not going to cook snails or frog legs or anything weird.”

       “Oh, thank god,” Laura felt relieved.

       “He’s actually a pretty good cook. I pitched him the idea of opening his own restaurant, but he is happy with his current job.”

       “Which is?”

       “Pediatrician.” LaFontaine answered automatically, but soon their lips curled and saw Perry sit down, their arm resting on Perry’s shoulder. “Everything okay?”

       “Yes. Everything’s good.” Perry’s smile was wider than when she first left them. “So what were you both talking about while I was gone?”

       “Laura was telling me about Kirsch wanting to cook something special for her.”

       “Oh yes! And we have to do another gathering before Laura leaves.”

       “I wish I could stay here forever.”

       “Why don’t you?” Perry and LaFontaine began telling Laura what to do to get a working visa, and that she could go to french lessons and work part-time jobs here and there. And that she wouldn’t even have to worry about finding an apartment because she could accommodate with either Carmilla, with Kirsch or with them. It was all so exciting and Laura was thinking that it would be a dream come true. To live in Paris for the rest of her life, and the possibility of maybe having Carmilla in her life was far more than she expected. Their server brought their meals and they continued chatting with each other, and Laura pinched herself under the table to see if she was dreaming, because she was having a hard time swallowing the idea of being able to live here indefinitely.

       During the meal, Perry’s phone vibrated and she answered it quickly before she placed it down once again.

       “Is everything okay, Perry?” Laura asked.

       “Oh yes. Everything’s fine.”

       “Are you sure?” Laura insisted.

       “Yes. Don’t worry about it.” She continued eating her pasta. “How’s your chicken, sweetie?”

       It was actually pretty delicious, and they continued talking until they finished their meals. They remained at the cafe and had several more drinks, and now that Laura had a couple of wine glasses in her system, she was more giddy and happy to be with Perry and LaFontaine. Instead of heading back to the apartment, they noticed a crowd singing by the same bridge Laura met them before arriving at the cafe.

 

“[You're really swell, I have to admit you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ee9dRsiwqg4)  
_Deserve expressions that really fit you_  
_And so I've racked my brain hoping to explain  
All the things that you do to me._ ”

 

       The band members were wearing suspenders, bowties, one of them had a cigarette in his lips, fedoras, multicolored Oxford shoes and the singer wore a black dress and had short blonde hair. As they began to play, more and more people began to gather around them.

 

“ _Bei mir bist du schön, please let me explain_  
_Bei mir bist du schön' means you're grand_  
_Bei mir bist du schön, again I'll explain  
It means you're the fairest in the land_.”

 

       Laura wanted to dance, to fill her soul with this type of music and remember this moment for the rest of her life, but deep inside her she wished that Carmilla would be here.

 

 _“I could say 'bella, bella' even 'sehr wunderbar'  
_ _Each language only helps me tell you how grand you are.”_

 

       The musicians continued playing, and Laura was invited by Perry and LaFontaine to dance with them. It was a moment filled with spontaneity as the three of them danced with each other, twirling, laughing and simply having a good time that reflected their carefree hearts. The ambiance around them was the same as the music continued playing, Perry twirled Laura but released her a little bit earlier than expected, causing Laura to stumble with herself, but fortunately someone caught her.

       “Oh, sorry, I mean, pardon…” she looked up and… _Carm?_

       “Hey cupcake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, for leaving Kudos, comments (criticism is always welcome) and bookmarking this fic. Follow me on tumblr puccacienta.tumblr.com and follow the tag paris-trip-au for updates or just me ranting about suffering from writers block.
> 
>  
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> P.S.: This fic won't be uploaded on a regular or weekly basis, it will come as I finish the chapters so be patient with me and forgive any grammatical errors. Also, I have only been to Paris twice in my life and wanted to make a story with the city in mind, so if you're French and stumble upon this, please don't be mad at me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The questions we ask can either save or destroy us.

       As Laura stripped from her clothes and replaced them with her pajamas, it was inevitable to hear that Carmilla and Mattie arguing on the other side of the apartment. Sure, she couldn’t understand a word of what they were saying since they were arguing in French, but still, she couldn’t help herself from feeling that she was the cause of the argument.

       Why was Mattie so upset? Because Carmilla never told her Laura was staying for a couple of weeks and now she was getting back at her? Was it because she surprised Laura instead of coming straight home and rest? She was certain that Mattie was not an easy person to be with and her career must have made her become a woman of character and strong will, but no matter how upset she would be, she should still be excited to have Carmilla back after not seeing her for weeks.

       Laura distracted herself by folding her clothes and placed them away, unaware of how her mind’s thoughts were permeated with memories of the night.They ranged from how things fell apart with Danny, to how she had a good time with Perry and LaFontaine at the cafe and how they started dancing to the jazz music, but the memory that would replay in her mind the most was when she was with Carmilla. She remembered Carmilla catching her when she tripped, and how they danced together while she gave Laura the most sincere and warm smile she had seen in her. Laura remembered how as the night progressed she to keep some sort of physical contact with Carmilla, thinking that if she let her go for more than three seconds she might vanish into thin air. The mere thought made her heart rate quicken and an involuntary smile sneaked on her cheeks, but it was true. She was afraid that Carmilla would disappear again and that it was all a dream.

       In fact, it still felt like it, as the small snippets of flashbacks played in her mind. Their conversations back at the plane. How Carmilla volunteered to help her find a place to stay. How they walked together silently with their arms entwined at the Rodin Museum. When they watched the sunset on top of the Eiffel Tower. Carmilla’s smile beamed whenever she met Laura at a certain place to hang around together. That night they ran on the subway and went out and had a couple of drinks the night before Carmilla left. Laura remembered how Carmilla would place her hand on top of Laura’s, or the smile that seemed to have taken a permanent place in her lips every time they looked at each other as they made their way back from the jazz concert to the apartment. How she placed her hand on her lower back and they walked in silence.

       The door suddenly swung opened and Laura was brought back to reality with Carmilla walking past her and crashed on the bed while Mattie stopped by the doorframe.

       “So here’s the deal,” Mattie said with her commanding voice. “You will sleep in the couch and not another word about it. And Carm?” She asked and received a groan as an answer. “I hope I’m wrong.”

       “Whatever, night Mattie.” Carmilla groaned.

       “Goodnight, Kitty Cat. Night, Laura,” Mattie said and headed to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

       “Ugh, why does she have to be a pain in the ass?”

       “She just cares about you, Carm.” Laura sat at the edge of the bed while Carmilla let out a groan. “You should get some sleep.”

       “I would’ve passed out the second I landed on this bed if I could.”

       Hesitantly, Laura scooted a little bit closer to where the brunette was lying down and reached out for Carmilla’s hair, brushing her fingers through it, noticing the goosebumps travelling through Carmilla’s arm. She knew she was doing wrong, that she must keep her distance from her because she knew that her feelings might get the better from her. But Carmilla had just come back, and Laura was aware that she went over budget with Danny, so the time she had left she wanted to be the closest possible to her.

       “Carm?”

       “Yes, sweetheart?” she whispered.

       “Did… did you and Mattie argue because of me?” Carmilla mumbled a negative. “Are you sure? I don’t want to cause trouble between the two of you, I mean, I can move in with Perry and LaFontaine, or find my own place.”

       “It was not about you, cupcake,” Carmilla opened her eyes and Laura knew that she was tired, her eyes showed it. “Come on, I’ll help you make the bed.”

       Carmilla rose and began to take the blankets out from the closet while Laura took the pillow she had been using and started making the couch. As she was working on it, Carmilla turned the television on and began to press several buttons, obviously her version of “helping her” was not the same as Laura’s. The moment she placed her pillow in place Carmilla slumped on the sofa, taking her shoes off and threw them across the room and Laura followed, keeping her distance in the sofa as they started watching a movie.

       “You can kick me out anytime you want, sweetheart.”

       “It should be you who should get some rest, not me. I mean, you look like super tired and everything.”

       “Don’t worry about me, cupcake. I’ll survive.”

       “Of course I worry about you,” Laura’s word came out before she could stop them and turned her head to see Carmilla’s face entirely and her heart rate increased by the second. She swallowed and continued, “I mean, how couldn’t I? After all you’ve done for me.”

       “It’s nothing, really.” Carmilla chuckled. “I’m sure you would’ve done the same thing for me.”

       There was a silence between them, and even though Laura was tired and wanted to get some rest, she could not bring herself to kick Carmilla out from the couch yet. She had just gotten her back after almost a week of not seeing her, and even though she had already made up her mind about Carmilla not disappearing, she still wanted to have her close. The movie continued playing and that was the only sound between them until Carmilla shifted from her seat and leaned a little bit closer to Laura.

       “You are too far away, cupcake.”

       “Oh, really? I didn’t noticed.”

       “Of course you didn’t.” She said and reached out to brush a strand of misplaced hair from Laura’s. “I had a really good time with you today,” her voice was lower than a whisper, and leaned a little bit closer to where she was.

       “I did too,” Laura answered in the same almost inaudible whisper and felt Carmilla’s penetrating eyes on her. “I missed you, Carm.”

       She could feel Carmilla leaning closer to where she was, her pulse racing and her hands clutched to her pillow as if her life depended upon it.

       “I missed you more.”

       Laura could feel Carmilla’s breath against her cheek and involuntarily closed her eyes, feeling Carmilla’s lips pressed against her cheek. Even though she had received the same type of kiss from Danny several days ago, that kiss did nothing to her compared to the one Carmilla just gave her. The kiss lingered for a second longer than was expected, making Laura fight with her entire being to not turn and kiss Carmilla in the lips like she had been wanting to do for weeks already.

       “Goodnight, Laura.” She could feel Carmilla’s warm and welcoming breath against her cheek, but once she opened her eyes, Carmilla was already gone and her door was closed.

       “Goodnight, Carm.”

 

\---

 

       The different shades of greens, red, yellows, oranges and some others fruits and vegetables that Laura had never seen before being displayed and sold had never looked more appealing, their aromas so inviting that made her mouth water as she passed them by. The small signs with chalked prices, the elongated tents with wooden crates, woven baskets and sacks filled with grains, different types of cheeses being cut and weighed, while others sold hand-made marmalades, buttery spreads, and spices amongst other things. People smiling at her, their mannerisms inviting her to come closer and try their products, to which Laura had declined several times with a heavy heart.

       Everything looked delicious that made Laura’s mouth water, but her quest in finding strawberries was still going on, and she would not leave this farmer’s market until she found them. She walked and observed the people, the elders and the children pointing in different directions, all of them exchanging money for fresh produce as she continued walking through it, her eyes peeled in finding the delicious and juicy red vines she had been craving until she found them. The man was older than her father, but there was a warmth in his smile that made Laura approach him.

       “Bonjour, mademoiselle, que je peux vous aider aujourd'hui?”

       “Bonjour monsieur. Un demi kilo des fraises, s’il vous plait.”

       “Seulement un demi- kilo? C'est très peu, mademoiselle.”

       “J’ai seulement cinq euro, see?” Laura pulled out the money from her pocket. “Oh, et deux bananes, monsieur.”

       The man began to talk to her quickly in French and Laura smiled and tried to keep up with what he was saying, before he gave placed two oranges inside the plastic bag.

       “No, monsieur. Seulement, um… les fraises et les bananes.”

       “Prenez, s'il vous plaît. Vous êtes une très jolie mademoiselle, et cinq euros ne vas pas durer longtemps.” Laura felt her cheeks warm by the old man’s compliment, and paid him the five euros she had with her.

       “Merci beaucoup, monsieur. Bonne journée.”

       “Bonne journée, mademoiselle.” the man said and he turned to attend another customer that had just arrived, his face changing from a smile to a more serious feature.

       Laura almost skipped with excitement that she not only bought her strawberries, but ended up with bananas and oranges as she began to walk to the subway station. She rode it and instead of taking the one that left her close to the apartment, she decided to descend it a few stations back and walk the rest of the way since the day was very pleasant. After all, if you started to go up the hill you were bound to find Sacré-Cœur, right?

       She started walking, only following the inclination of the hill but realized that she had never been in these streets before. There were shops selling clothing for men, women and children, some others selling electroincs and accessories, but the more she thought she would find the station “Abbesses,” she could not.

       Laura turned here and there, but instead of finding a street she recognized, she was getting more and more lost. Her hands started sweating and her breathing became jagged, but she did not give up. She knew she would find her way, or that she would find a flight of stairs nearby. That went on for more than five minutes, and as every minute went by that she neither found a flight of stairs or could not remember where she was going, her determination diminished. She knew that she could ask someone for directions, but she was not going to give in too easily, so she continued walking uphill.

       At the middle of one of the blocks, Laura finally encountered a staircase and began to climb them. By the time she was halfway through, she felt her calves burning and stopped to catch her breath for a few seconds before she continued on her journey.

       The crowd was getting denser as she continued so she knew that she was almost at the summit, when she heard people talk in different languages and of course, people with selfie-sticks. Laura looked around and was relieved to find the street familiar, until it dawned on her that it was the street with the bakery where Danny worked. She followed her journey and even though she wanted more than anything to peek and see if the she was there, she opted not to, thinking that it wasn’t the best idea as it could lead Danny to think something that was not.

       Laura found yet another flight of stairs and her legs were burning, but she made it to the end of the staircase, to find herself face to face with the Place du Tertre. The same plaza she had been in when she first arrived to Paris with Carmilla all those weeks ago. Serpentining her way through tourists, artists and locals, Laura arrived at the apartment building and was relieved to be able to get there, only to remember she had to climb even more stairs. Ugh. With a heavy heart, parched mouth and sore legs, Laura made her way up the stairs and opened.

       “Ugh, made it.”

       “Did you decided to climb the two hundred and eighty four stairs of the Arc de Triomphe and didn’t invite me, cutie?” Carmilla was lazily resting on the sofa with the control resting on her stomach, her eyes never meeting Laura’s.

       “No, I…” Laura weakly signalled Carmilla to move, the latter slowly moved her legs extended them again on top of Laura’s once she sat down. She let out a sigh and added, “I went out.”

       “Where?”

       “To the market, why?”

       “Didn’t think a trip to the market could take you so long, sweetheart.”

       “You were still asleep by the time I was heading out.”

       “Didn’t it occurred to you to bring your cellphone with you? Even a note would have sufficed.”

       “Are you saying that you got worried about me?” She blurted out playfully.

       “No,” Carmilla answered, her eyes never meeting Laura’s.

       “Well don’t worry. I’ll let you know next time, Carm.”

       “So if you only went to the market, why is it that you took so long?”

       “I um… I kinda got lost?”

       “Lost?” Carmilla snorted, the edges of her lips curving to form a faint smile. “How the hell do you get lost in Montmartre?”

       “I think I gave a wrong turn and didn’t knew the street I was in.”

       “And you tell me not to worry.” Carmilla brushed her hand through her hair. “You’re gonna be the death of me, you know that?” Laura shrugged her shoulders despite feeling her cheeks grow warm. “So what do you have there?”

       Laura showed her her acquisitions and they had for breakfast toasted bread with Nutella, topped with strawberries and bananas and, of course, a cup of coffee each, the little argument between them long gone. As they were eating Laura and Carmilla exchanged the usual chit-chat about how did you sleep and what was the plan for today, taking a bite from their succulent meal and sipping from the coffee, before Laura said,

       “Hey so, do you think that Kirsch will be able to make our little get together tonight?” Laura asked after she finished a bite from her toast.

       “Why tonight?”

       “Cause it’s the weekend.”

       “Fair enough. I think he’ll be up for it, but I will call him just to make sure.”

 

\---

 

       “Oh my god, it’s so hot but so good.”

       “Didn’t knew I had that effect on you, cutie,” Carmilla winked at Laura, bringing the glass bottle close to her lips and sipped from her beer.

       Laura drank from her own bottle but it did nothing to simmer the burning sensation. She knew the salsa was hot and yet she still added more to her now sixth taco, adding some cilantro and a squeezed lemon to add to the flavor. These were the best tacos Laura had ever tasted and even though she had congratulated Kirsch several times already about his cooking, in her mind she had done it many more. The spiciness of the salsa and the juicyness of the seasoned beef. And where he got corn tortillas was beyond Laura.

       And to be honest, the least thing she expected him to cook for her was tacos. She had expected something fancy, something that at first Laura was afraid of imagining, her mind going wild with the possibilities of what he might come up with. But when she found out he cooked tacos, she was as happy as when she first went to Disneyland with her dad.

       “I never thought I could see someone so happy by eating tacos.”

       “Neither did I,” Carmilla answered them. “I think Laura is half-Mexican and she is not telling us about it.”  

       “How could someone not be happy with tacos? Jesus Christ Superstar that’s hot. Whew” Laura reached out for her beer and chugged it in hopes of easing the sting of the salsa but it did nothing to her. “Why aren’t you eating anymore, Carm?”

       “Because I’m full.”

       “Seriously L, I don’t know how that much food can fit in your body.” LaFontaine added and raised the bottle of beer to their lips.

       “It fits because I _make_ it fit. And because it’s _so_ good.”

       “That’s what she said,” Carmilla gave her a smug grin, and downed her beer before she stood up and walked over to the kitchen, bringing two beers with her. “Can you tell your girlfriend to hurry up with the dishes?”

       Laura could hear the faucet and the dishes in the distance and looked around once again at Kirsch’s apartment. It was smaller than Carmilla and Mattie’s, and it stated it was a guy’s apartment because of the combination of both industrial and minimalism in the decorations. There were metallic shelves with both old and new objects, the dark gray sectioned couch with a pallet coffee table, a television bigger than Carmilla’s, with a red wine colored banner with Yellow and lime green greek letters hanging from one of the walls.

       “Believe me, you _don’t_ want to get in her way when she’s cleaning,” they stated, bringing Laura back to reality.

       “Why not?” Laura asked. “I mean, she’s only doing dishes.”

       “You don’t understand. Perry has a very, _very_ tight bond with the kitchen. Like a Jedi with their lightsaber.”

       “Or like a vampire with blood.”

       “That’s a necessity, Carmilla.”

       “Whatever.”

       “Okay, I kinda get that Perry enjoys being in the kitchen. But I think that you guys are exaggerating.”

       “You think we’re exaggerating? Go and try to wash your hands from the kitchen sink.” They commanded her.

       “Holy shit, is she really that bad?” Carmilla asked.

       “It’s gotten worse.” They turned and looked at Laura “You still don’t believe us, do you?”

       “I just don’t understand how can Perry get so crazy about a kitchen.”

       “Well, there’s only one way to find out. Go.”

       Laura did as she was told and defeatedly walked to the kitchen, where Perry was frantically scrubbing the plates while Kirsch dried the dishes with a towel and placed them away in the cabinets and drawers.

       She smiled at Kirsch before she reached out for the liquid soap, when,

       “Laura, what are you doing here?”

       “I was just going to wash my hands.”

       “Sweetie, I appreciate you keeping your hands clean, but I would appreciate it more if you go to the bathroom and wash them there.”

       “But I—.”

       Perry glared at her that for a second Laura though she was capable of murdering her right then and there with her eyes. Laura apologized despite not doing anything and slowly walked over to the bathroom and washed her hands. As she came back to the living room, she found both Carmilla and LaFontaine biting their lips so as to not burst in laughter.

       “So?”

       “Mental note, never bother Perry in the kitchen. Ever.”

       “Told you,” they both answered and snickered.

       They continued talking with each other until both Perry and Kirsch joined them and they all laughed, told jokes, and made fun of each other by telling embarrassing stories for hours Perry told the story of how once LaFontaine burned one of their eyebrows when they were too close and an experiment went wrong several years ago at work. Kirsch told the tale of how he and some of his friends found an abandoned basement in one of the buildings during college and tried to make a brewery, borrowing several materials from the Bio and Chemistry department before the University confiscated everything and they were almost expelled. Laura told her tale of how she went to the market and got lost.

       “What about you, Carmilla?” Perry asked.

       “I have no embarrassing stories.” Carmilla sipped nonchalantly from her beer.

       “Guys?” Laura asked.

       And it was then that they all said something embarrassing about Carmilla. About how she once got her leg stuck on the door of the subway, or about the time she wanted to go and visit the catacombs but chickened out in the end, or how she went out of her way to pick up a book on the floor in the middle of the rain. How Mattie once told them when Carmilla was younger, she had to buy her a small box of cereal and milk while at the train because she was too stubborn to eat beforehand at the train station on their way to London, and how she beamed like a child when she appeared with the food.

       “I hate you all,” she sunk back on the sofa.

       “Oh come on, Carm. Don’t be mean to them.” She leaned a little bit closer to her, the rest of the group continued chatting with each other. “I think it’s cute.”

       “Cute? Pfff. There’s nothing cute with having your friends taint your reputation by embarrassing me in front of ladies.”

       “Believe me, even your stories sound awesome compared to mine. I mean, come on, I got lost at Montmartre after living here for three weeks already.”

       “True. It really takes someone special who gets lost in this hill.” She gave Laura a smug grin, and earned a slap on her arm in return.

       The hours passed and the combination of beer and other alcoholic drinks were consumed, before Perry and LaFontaine decided to call it a night, followed by Laura and Carmilla, who were far more sober than the gingers and Kirsch. They parted their ways, and as both girls started walking towards the stairs to accompany Perry and LaFontaine, Laura stopped and pulled Carmilla’s arm gently.

       “Carm, are you tired?”

       “No. What do you feel like doing, sweetheart?”

       “Do you want to go for a walk?”

       Without saying anything else, Carmilla rested her hand around Laura’s lower back, and they began to descend the stairs, past the small lobby and exited the building.

       There was a peacefulness in the air as most of the tourists had probably gone to bed, although there were some bars and several cafes still open for business. They walked with their arms linked, the cool breeze brushing against Laura’s face that helped her sober up a little bit. Just like several weeks ago, both Laura and Carmilla found themselves at the steps of the Sacré-Cœur with several people lying on the grass, on the stairs, kissing or laughing, some of them lifted a glass bottle and drank from it before handing it to the person next to them who did the same. Laura stopped and sat down almost at the bottom of the staircase where the lighting was dimly lit, and the crowd would not be able to eavesdrop on them and Carmilla followed.

       “Can I ask you a question?” Her throat was dry, and even if she wiped her hands on the sides of her jeans, they were still sweaty.

       “Sure.”

       “Will you,” Laura swallowed hard and her heart was beating so hard she thought it was either going to pop out from her chest or she would suffer from a heart attack. She weighed her options, as a battle was happening between her heart and her mind, but one outweighed the other. “Nothing.”

       “What?”

       “It’s nothing.”

       “I want to know,” her voice came out soft, and that gave Laura more courage to say her original thought. She felt like what she was about to say was probably the most difficult thing in the world. Not even the toughest exams, all her homework and years of working under stress combined could compare to this moment.

       “This might sound very stupid, but…,” _here it goes,_ “will you miss me?”

       Carmilla hid her face but did not give Laura an answer. The seconds dragged into what felt like an eternity and with very one that passed, Laura’s disappointment was eating her from the inside that she felt the sting underneath her eyes. _I was wrong about everything._

       “Do you know what? Forget I even asked. Like I said,” She nervously chuckled, “it was a stupid question.”

       “It’s not stupid, Laura.” There it was again, Carmilla using her name and despite her heartbreak, she found solace in the sound of her name coming from the other girl’s lips. “Of course I’m going to miss you.” Laura turned and found Carmilla’s eyes fixed upon hers. “Why do you  think I came back a day before?”

       “Because you finished your work earlier than expected?”

       “True. But that’s beside the point.” Carmilla shifted her body so her body was facing Laura’s. She reached out and brushed her fingers through Laura’s hair, but she lingered in her movement. “I really did missed you, Laura. And I came back earlier because I was afraid that I would come back and you’d be gone.”

       “Good thing I’m still here, huh?”

       “Yeah,” Carmilla gave Laura a shy smile, but her eyes showed something different. “How long do you plan on staying?”

       The question threw Laura off, and the sudden nervousness and inner battle of heart over reason vanished.

       “You already know the answer, Carm.” She answered, but received nothing in return from the girl in front of her. “As long as the money lasts, remember?”

       “And what do you plan on doing afterwards?”

       “I would probably move back in with my dad and look for a job until I can find my own place again.”

       “So, you would go back to the life you used to have?”

       “Yeah. It doesn’t sound too much like fun, doesn’t it?”

       “It really doesn’t.” They both chuckled. “Didn’t you tell me that Perry and LaFontaine gave you an idea of  getting into French lessons so you could get a job and stay here?”

       “Yeah, they did. But—.”

       “—But what?”

       “Even though I still have some money left, it wouldn’t be enough for me to get into French lessons, get a decent understanding of the language, get a job and still be able to pay for my share of the rent. I mean, I would be more than happy to live here, but right now money is my main issue and plus, don’t want to be a burden for them, you know?”

       “And if there was another way, would you stay?”

       Laura had thought about it. Even if that meant that she would have live out of stale bread and water she would. She not only had fallen in love with the city, with the food, the music, the art, the history, but with the small family that she discovered who cared about her. It would be like living in a dream.

       At that moment, Laura felt how a hand reached out for hers.

       “If I ask you to stay? Would that be enough?” She looked up and there was Carmilla looking at her.

       Her heart skipped a beat before it started pounding against her chest and she felt how her entire body was filled with happiness before it reached her lips, leaning closer until she locked her lips with Carmilla’s. She felt the other girl smile on the kiss, which in turn made her smile while a pair of hands cupped her cheeks and brought her in for another kiss. Carmilla’s lips were soft and warm, and they reminded Laura how long it had been since she had kissed someone, let alone someone she genuinely had feelings for. She felt like a teenager when she was still learning how to kiss, but it didn’t matter because this was Carmilla she was kissing and this was one of the many times she would get to feel those lips against her own.

       Carmilla broke the kiss and they both fixed their eyes upon each other without saying anything. Laura’s mind thinking of everything and nothing at the same time, finding solace in having Carmilla close to her and knowing that she liked her as well. She reached out and caressed Carmilla’s hair, her cheeks, her hands, afraid that she would awake from the most amazing dream she had ever had if she broke contact, before she leaned in and gave Carmilla a soft peck on the lips.

       “Do you still want me to give you an answer?” Laura asked.

       “I think I got the answer I needed,” Carmilla replied and they kissed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, for leaving Kudos, comments (criticism is always welcome) and bookmarking this fic. Follow me on tumblr puccacienta.tumblr.com and follow the tag paris-trip-au for updates or just me ranting about suffering from writers block.
> 
>  
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> P.S.: This fic won't be uploaded on a regular or weekly basis, it will come as I finish the chapters so be patient with me and forgive any grammatical errors. Also, I have only been to Paris twice in my life and wanted to make a story with the city in mind, so if you're French and stumble upon this, please don't be mad at me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is like a box of chocolates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry for the somewhat long hiatus, I have been busy adulting but here it is! I hope you like this new chapter.

       Laura thought it was a bliss to be lying on the grounds of the Jardin du Luxembourg on a warm afternoon, with Carmilla’s her head resting on her stomach, reading a book. As she observed the movement of the leaves in the trees, and felt the soft wind that caressed her skin as the clouds slowly travelled across the sky while the rest of the city continued with their lives, that made her realize that there was nothing else she would rather be doing at that moment.

       Yes, she was aware that it all happened too quickly. That maybe the fact that she decided to move in with Carmilla after only knowing her for a less than a month seemed too rushed and unrealistic, but she was happy. And happiness was something that she hadn’t experienced in a very long time and wouldn’t give up so easily. She took her eyes from the sky, she turned her head and found Carmilla’s book placed upon her breast that evenly rose and fell. Without thinking about it, Laura reached for her hair and began to delicately run her fingers through it, feeling the silkiness of her curls and observed her profile. The curve of her eyebrows, the small freckle at her temple, her eyelashes, the pointiness of her nose and how delicate she seemed. It reminded her of that time they both fell asleep back in the airplane that seemed like a lifetime ago.

       Carmilla shifted and lazily opened her eyes, until her gaze met Laura.

       “Hey, sleepyhead,” Laura continued playing with her hair.

       “Hey,” Carmilla rubbed the drowsiness from her eyes. “Sorry for dozing off.”

       Laura had noticed that ever since they admitted their feelings to each other, Carmilla has had an easier time sleeping. Not that she complained, but it was something she became aware.

       “You don’t have to apologize for anything. Besides, you look cute when you’re sleeping.”

       “Oh, do I?” Carmilla raised her eyebrows and gave Laura a playful smirk despite looking sleepy.

       “Yeah, you do.” Laura replied. “And I have to say, I’m surprised that you didn’t disputed that statement.”

       “I never admitted it, sweetheart.”

       “Yes, you did.”

       “No, I didn’t.”

       They debated about it for several minutes before Carmilla leaned in and planted a peck on her lips.

       “Come on, let’s get out of here.” Carmilla stood up and took Laura’s hand to boost her up as well. “You’re the cute one from both of us.”

       “You wish, Carm.”

 

\---

 

       Her heart was beating erratically against her chest, her legs were sore, her throat was parched and she was slightly lightheaded from the never-ending spiral staircase that led them to their destination. But the view from the top of the Arc de Triomphe was breathtaking. If there was something that Laura was grateful despite the multitude of people gathered, was that the wind was soothing against her skin that helped her cool off.

       “You weren’t kidding,” Laura huffed as she reached out for her water bottle and began to drink it. After several gulps, she reminded herself to share it with Carmilla, who eagerly took several sips before handing it back to Laura.

       “Huh?” Carmilla huffed again and sat down on an empty spot and Laura followed.

       “You weren’t kidding. They are actually two hundred and eighty four steps.”

       “Did you seriously count them?” Carmilla asked, and there was the trace of perspiration on her forehead.

       She ran her hand to wipe it off, but Laura noticed how a drop ran down her neck, travelling from her collar bone until it landed between her breasts until it was out of her sight.

       “Enjoying the view, cupcake?” As Laura redirected her eyes towards Carmilla’s face, she found that Carmilla caught her staring and gave her a devilish smirk, making Laura’s cheeks warm up and look in every direction other than her girlfriend.

       “Like I haven’t seen that view before.”

       “I’m not complaining over here.” Carmilla’s lips curled even further, which made Laura blush deepen. “So what were you saying before you got so distracted with the view?”

       “I um… I thought you were exaggerating the other day, remember? I mean, I knew that it was pretty tall even from a distance and even though you have lived here far longer than I have, I didn’t really believed it because it seemed like too exact a number. So I decided that I wanted to find out for myself.” Her right leg shook against her will, that Laura placed her hand to stop it, but even then she still felt her muscles involuntarily move. “And I did.”

       Carmilla placed her hand on top of hers and started chuckling.

       “Your face is _so_ red, you look like a little tomato.”

       “I don’t… I’m not a tomato, Carm.”

       Carmilla leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on her lips, and whispered against Laura’s ear that she looked adorable. The sensation of feeling Carmilla’s breath against her glistening skin sent a shiver through her neck down to her arms.

       “I’m not adorable,” Laura weakly protested with her eyes shut, fighting the urge to smile and continue kissing Carmilla.

       “Yes, you are.” Carmilla locked her lips with Laura. “That’s one of the things that I love about you.”

       Those words caused her heart to skip a beat, but her mind could not register the words that had just come out from Carmilla’s lips. It had been such a long time since she had heard someone other than her dad say them to her. For the split of a second she thought Carmilla must be joking, but then by the way Carmilla was looking at her, she realized she wasn’t kidding. On the contrary.

       “You do?”

       “Yes.” Carmilla reached out for a strand of her hair and put it back in its place. “Don’t ever forget that.”

       “I love you too,” Laura’s words came out sincere.

       She reached out for Carmilla’s cheek and cradled it with her hand, before Carmilla pulled her a little bit closer and they kissed for what felt like hours, like that night when they first confessed their feelings for each other back in the stairs of Montmartre. Laura felt Carmilla remove herself and tried to reattach her lips with her girlfriend, but when she couldn’t find them she opened her eyes, and observed the smile in Carmilla’s eyes that made her heart beat intensify.

       She never thought she could love someone the way she loves Carmilla. To give herself to a person so unconditionally, that she was sure she would never feel the same for anyone else. She didn’t think twice when Carmilla stood up and offered her hand to Laura to hold, and they slowly walked amongst the crowd of people already gathered there and observed the city before them. Laura promised herself that she would do anything in her power to remain by Carmilla’s side as long as she could.

       They remained silent, looking at the people in the distance, entering and leaving the shops in one of the most crowded avenues in all of Paris, the double decker buses, the Jardin des Tuileries in the distance, the Eiffel Tower, the belltowers of Notre Dame, the glass ceiling of the Grand Palais, Sacré-Cœur, and the sea of rooftops displayed before them.

       “Thank you,” Laura whispered against Carmilla’s ear, and noticed how her girlfriend closed her eyes and the edges of her lips curled before she turned and faced her.

       “For what?”

       “For everything.”

 

\---

 

       “Dad?”

       “Hi, sweetheart.”

       “How are you? Are you okay?”

       “I’m great!” Laura felt a relief spread over her chest as she could listen to his voice be back to normal. “Why do you ask?”

       “Last time I called I you acted kind of… weird.”

       “Why? Did I say something inappropriate or that offended you?”

       “No, no. Not that way. I just thought you were sick and I got worried.”

       “Sick? Nah, I’m as fit as a horse. I was just tired, that’s all.”

       “Are you sure? You really got me and Carmilla worried.”

       “I am a thousand percent sure,” he reassured and that alleviated Laura’s concerns even more. “Speaking of Carmilla, how are things going on with her?”

       Laura felt a blush crawl up her neck that even reached up her ears. She told her dad about how things have been great between them both. How Carmilla not only was a beautiful woman, but praised in how she treated her with delicacy and tenderness, always asked her for her opinion, gave her her space when she was at a loss of words or when there was something bothering her. And what was most important, she made her happy.

       At that moment, Laura felt a hand run through her waist and then there was Carmilla in front of her.

       “Hey, sweetheart,” Carmilla whispered in her ear and it caused the hairs in her arms and back rise. Laura quickly pulled the phone from her ear and gave Carmilla a kiss.

       “Laura? Are you there?”

       “Sorry, you were saying, dad?”

       “I said that I’m happy for you. What happened?”

       “Oh, um. Carm just got from work.”

       “Oh really? How is she?” She was fine, Laura answered. “Do you mind if I talk with her for a second?” Laura felt her heart skip a beat, aware that her dad’s intentions.

       “Hold on,” Laura placed her finger on the phone’s transmitter, her eyes turning serious meeting Carmilla’s. “Um, my dad would like to talk to you.”

       “What? Why?” Her face looking puzzled.

       “I don’t know. I can tell him that another time’s fine. I mean, I know this is ridiculous because I’m not a teenager anymore and I know that you’re probably very hungry and don’t want to talk with him, but he’s my dad and he has been asking me a lot about you and about us and he is just concerned even though he might sometimes come out as a being overprotective,” Carmilla placed her hands on Laura’s cheek and looked at her straight in the eye, before planting a peck on her lips.

       “Laura. Breathe, sweetheart.” She withdrew one of her hands and took Laura’s phone. “I will just be a minute, okay?”

       “Okay,” Laura let out a sigh, and Carmilla walked a  couple of steps away as Laura sat down in an empty and rather short concrete black striped column in the Palais Royale. She looked around, noticing people posing to take a picture, while children used the columns to jump over them, spreading their legs like little frogs and running around. It was a rather peaceful environment since the noise of the traffic was muffled by the magnificent building, with the garden on the other side of the colonnade. And at the end she only needed to cross the street and there was the surprise she had prepared for Carmilla.

       Laura was taking her girlfriend to the Richelieu-Louvois Library.

       She was certain that Carmilla had been there countless times, but she wanted to take her there nonetheless. Being a big fan of books and reading, it would be a shame if she had never been there. The idea came to her from going into Carmilla’s room and thinking of wanting to do something for her, to give back a fraction of all the happiness and time she had dedicated to her, even if it didn’t cost her anything.

       She looked where Carmilla was, and observed how her back was resting against one of the columns and her hair covering her face, much to Laura’s disappointment. She fixed her eyes on Carmilla who eventually turned and Laura smiled at her and waved, who returned the small salutation before moving around the columns in a random direction. Even though Laura was aware that her father approved of her relationship with Carmilla, and that there was no reason for him to have “the talk” with her, it still bothered to not be able to know what they were talking about.

       So, instead of dwelling on things that she could have no control of, Laura started wandering around the columns herself, and took a closer look at the details in the architecture, the windows, the stone carvings and reliefs that decorated the palace, the symmetry of how the columns around her were distributed, and how if she walked and looked at an angle, the columns blended with each other.

       “Enjoying yourself?” Carmilla said from behind and Laura quickly turned.

       “Well I had to, you took forever with my dad,” Laura replied playfully, trying to ease the mood.

       “Sorry to keep you waiting.” She answered and handed Laura her phone back.

       “Everything okay?” Laura placed it in her purse, but Carmilla did not replied.

       Laura entwined her fingers around Carmilla’s and they started heading towards the garden in silence. She was anxious to find out what happened at the phone call, but decided otherwise. If something bad had happened, Laura was sure that Carmilla’s body language would let her know, and at that moment, it all seemed to be fine.

       They walked past the fountain in the middle of the long garden and Laura noticed people sunbathing on chairs, or lovers sitting at the ledge and sweet talking with themselves, or children playing around. It was a peaceful moment, decorated with several art pieces scattered on the garden flanked with trees and buildings, until they reached the end and crossed the street.

       “Do you know where we’re heading already, Carm?”

       “I haven’t the faintest idea,” she teased and Laura pursed her lips before Carmilla closed the distance between them and locked lips with her. “You’re really lucky, you know that?”

       “Huh?” Laura didn’t knew where the comment came from.

       “Your dad,” Carmilla smiled shily. “You’re lucky to have someone who cares about you as much as he does.”

       “He can be a little bit over protecting.” A little being an understatement. “What did he say? Was he nice with you? Did he interrogate you?” Carmilla chuckled.

       “We talked about many things, mostly about you. Yes, he was. And yes, he did interrogate me. But I mean, it was a no brainer that he was going to approve of me. I mean, look at me,” Laura rolled her eyes at Carmilla’s comment, who squeezed her hand a little before adding, “No but seriously, he really loves you, Laura.”

       They walked and entered the Library, walking amongst the locals and several tourists, following the crowds until they reached the oval shaped reading room and both girls were breath taken by the splendor before them.  

       As they walked together past the continuous reading tables, Laura observed how Carmilla’s eyes were filled with fascination as they looked around the infinite amount of books available before her. There was peaceful atmosphere around them, the faint whispering of people resonating through the walls as they continued with their journey through the main floor and second level of bookshelves.

       Laura observed from the ledge the room before her. The endless stacks of books, with piers consisting of two columns that supported a round arch between them, evenly spanned with an oculus at the top of the spandrels. Each sprandel was decorated with what seemed like a white bird with a ribbon loosely draping the crown, with delicate patterns covering the imposts of each arch, with opaque teal green paint and an oculus above every arch. Everything was lit up not only by these oculi, but with the gigantic glass ceiling that allowed natural light inside. At her feet, there were tables and lit spaces for people to read, while others were walking around in silence before Laura turned and noticed that Carmilla was not by her side anymore. Instead, she was at the other end of the bookshelves. Laura hastily walked over to meet Carmilla and gently pulled hand to grab her attention.

       “Carm, I’m gonna go and find us a table to read, okay?” Laura whispered, hand delicately taking a hold of Carmilla’s upper arm and brushed her thumb against her skin.

       “You’re not coming?” Carmilla asked, her eyes suddenly fogged with disappointment and Laura shook her head.

       “I’m sure. I don’t want to rush you in thinking I’m getting bored or anything. Plus, I brought my own book, so I’m sure I’ll be alright.” Laura winked at Carmilla and began to walk away, before Carmilla pulled her closer and gave her a kiss.

      Laura descended the stairs and once again found herself on the ground level. As she walked through the rows of reading tables, she spotted Danny in the distance. There was a discomfort that clutched her chest as she knew that there was a possibility in interacting with the tall girl, but pushed the thought away, trying to find a table far enough to not be recognized. She walked for several minutes until she found an empty space after a couple of seconds, pulling out her, or to be more exact Carmilla’s book and began to read.

       After reading several pages, Laura took her eyes from her book and observed how people around her were reading, while others walked around towards the Circulation Desk for information, or others had a range of thick and thin books, notebooks, laptops, pens, scattered sheets spreaded all over their space and frantically taking notes. But there was yet no sign of Carmilla. Laura decided resume her reading, but every once in awhile her eyes scanned for her girlfriend until she found her several tables across from her. Their eyes met and they waved each other, before they both continued redirected their eyes to their respective books.

       Laura’s eyesight was getting tired, so she placed her book down and observed Carmilla, noticing her facial expressions changing according to what she was reading. She furrowed or titled her brows, showed excitement, desperation, how the corner of her lips would tilt upwards. Laura even noticed how Carmilla flipped to the next page, stop, go back to the previous line before moving on. Laura found herself fascinated by these little movements of Carmilla that even though she was not close to her, it was something she appreciated she found out about her girlfriend. Thinking that it was distraction enough, Laura continued with her reading. It was a very interesting book, set during the nineteen fifties and it was about a nineteen year old girl, who worked at a department store during the Christmas holidays before her life completely changes after she interacts with a woman who wants to buy a doll for her daughter.     

       But despite being too engrossed in her reading, Laura’s bladder protested, making the girl close her book and began to walk out of the room. As she started walking towards the entrance, she spotted Carmilla lifting her head and gave her a smile. Laura’s heart beat slightly accelerated, before she mouthed to Carmilla she was going to the bathroom, pointing towards the door and the other girl nodded, before she resumed her reading.

       As she walked through the halls and found the bathroom, Laura was relieved to find that the usual line for the ladies’ bathroom wasn’t long, and soon enough entered and left the facilities. It wasn’t until she was heading back to the oval-shaped reading room that she noticed Danny was heading in her direction. Her first instinct was to ignore Danny’s presence and continue on her journey, but her eyes betrayed her by glancing at Danny’s direction and their eyes met. Her heart sank.

       “Hollis.”

       “Hey, Danny.” Her voice came out weak that made her feel self-conscious about how awkward the situation was going to be. “What are you doing here?”

       “I was gonna ask you the same thing,” Danny’s voice had a defensiveness in it despite her attempting at being casual, Laura could tell.

       “Oh, I um… I went to the bathroom.”

       “I can see that.”

      “Yeah, of course you did. Do you need anything?” Laura regretted her question the second it came out from her mouth, but much to her surprise, Danny answered in a dry tone that she just wanted to salute her. “Do want to go somewhere? I mean, so we can talk?”

       “Sure,” Danny replied and Laura stood, gathered her things and pulled the chair back to the table and they both began to walk through the door. Danny’s back was facing the door, which allowed Laura to get glimpses of the people inside the reading room. 

       “How are your classes coming, by the way?”

       “Good.” 

       “That’s nice,” Laura felt her hands start perspiring, feeling like this was probably the most awkward situation she had ever been in on probably her entire life. 

       “Did you, um… did you come by yourself?”

       “I uh… I came in with Carm.”

       “Carm?”

       “Oh, Carmilla. My girlfriend.”

       “Oh yeah? Where is she, then?” Danny asked.

       The door opened and closed as people came and went from the reading room, and every time Laura watched towards the space to where Carmilla’s seat was, only to find that it was empty.

       “Reading.”

       “Of course she is.” Danny smirked.

       “What is that supposed to mean?” Laura tried to keep herself calm, but there was something in Danny that was putting her on edge.

       “Do you expect me to believe you that you have a girlfriend?”

       “Yes.” Laura crossed her arms, and at that moment she thought she saw Carmilla sitting down in the corner of her eye.

       “Bollocks.”

       “Don’t believe me, then.” She turned and no, Carmilla wasn’t there. “If you don’t believe me when I say that I have a girlfriend, then don’t. But I’m not going to allow you to insult or diminish me just because I didn’t liked you the way you wanted to. And so that we’re clear, I liked Carmilla even before I met you, so like I already told you. I liked you, but only as a friend.”

       “A friend that lets someone believe that they’re into you.”

       Laura started feeling the tension rising up in her body, spreading over from the back of her neck down to her limbs.

       “Look, Danny, I’m really sorry this had to happen, but if I ever gave you mixed signals or anything, they were unintentional.”

       “Of course they weren’t."

       “There you are,” Carmilla appeared, resting her hand on Laura’s lower back and planted a quick kiss on Laura’s lips.

       “Everything okay?” Laura asked.

       “Yeah,” Carmilla replied and Laura turned to the tall girl in front of her.

       “Danny, this is my girlfriend Carmilla. Carmilla, Danny.”

       Carmilla greeted the tall girl drily but Danny only nodded, their handshake barely lasted a second. Laura wanted for a crack in the earth to open and swallow her whole. She didn’t knew why she felt so guilty about never telling Carmilla about Danny before.

       “Ready to go, sweetheart?”

       “Yes.” She was more than ready that she turned to the tall girl, “Bye, Danny.”

       They walked out of the library in silence, and even though Laura knew that nothing bad happened, the feeling of guilt was still present in her chest as they reached the main entrance. As they walked through the streets Carmilla was silent, but never asked Laura to give her an explanation. It was Laura who told her about the turn of events while she was gone.

       Even though she expected Carmilla to react badly, she was surprised when she kissed her in her temple and thanked her for having the courage and trust in telling her. They continued walking aimlessly through the streets with linked arms and Carmilla’s hand on top of Laura’s, chatting and enjoying each other’s company before they headed to a cafe and had dinner.

 

\---

 

       “See? You got this better than you think,” Kirsch’s head appeared from the other side of the kitchen, two new bottles of beer in his hand, the hiss of the metallic cap as he opened them on his way to meet Laura back in the living room.

       “You are just trying to make me feel good about myself.” Laura took another chug from her beer. “Okay, let’s run through this _one_ more time.”

       Kirsch, or to be more exact everybody, volunteered to give Laura French lessons since the courses had already started and weren’t going to begin the new course within the next month. It was becoming easier for her to get the language, the pronunciation and even the slang, even though she still had a very hard time writing. But she knew that despite her efforts she still had a long way to go and even worse, to get a job. Yes, the fact that Mattie and Carmilla still allowed her to live in the apartment and not pay for a cent for her share of the rent (which she is convinced Carmilla had to do something with it even though she denied it), her financial situation was not the most optimal one. Laura knew she needed to find a job or she would be living in poverty within the next few weeks.

       “Bro, we have been at this for like a gazillion hours. I think we should call it a day.” He got more comfortable in his chair and Laura followed. “So how are things with you and Carmsexy?”

       “Pretty good, actually.” Laura said, unable to keep herself from smiling, thinking to herself that Carmilla was indeed sexy. She noticed Kirsch was looking at her and felt her cheeks warm up. “And you? How’s SJ?”

       They started talking about their significant others, Kirsch saying how his girlfriend sometimes liked to go out and party, and Kirsch would oblige even though he sometimes came out drained from work. He also mentioned how they both liked to give each other space to hang out with other friends. For example, the time Kirsch made the small get-together and made tacos for Laura and invited everyone, SJ went out with her girl friends and they went out clubbing. Kirsch apologized for not being too involved in the party, but he knew how Perry got when she saw the pile of dirty dishes and how he thought since it was his place, it was the least he could do.

       “Will you make more tacos in the near future? I’ve been kinda craving them for a while.”

       “Oh come on dude, those tacos are only done on special occasions. But I guess since you have been doing pretty awesome with your French lessons, I guess a celebration in the near future is in order.”

       “Speaking of which,” Laura leaned a little bit forward and Kirsch did the same. “Can I ask you if you could help me give Carm a surprise?”

       Kirsch’s smile was all Laura needed as an answer.

 

\---

 

       “Hey, Laura, remember these?” Carmilla pointed at rotary phone, placing the handpiece in her ear, while hooking the device with her right hand and dialing the rotary finger plate.

       “That’s nice,” Laura’s voice came out flat.

       Carmilla placed the item down in its original place and made her way towards Laura, slithering her fingers on Laura’s hand as they continued walking through the antique market at Les Puces de St-Ouen.

       They continued walking as Laura tried to distract herself, observing how there were so many things in every single shop that offered all types of objects. There were phonographs, chairs, tables, dresses, suits, paintings, empty frames, lamps, statues, knick knacks, even a skeleton. In other words, there was _everything_ one could and couldn’t imagine in an antique market. But every time she liked something, she made sure to check on the price tag, just to realize that she needed either to have a knighthood, be a duchess or just be filthy rich to afford such things.

       “Are you okay?”

       “Yeah.”

       “Are you hungry? Cause believe it or not I found a vending machine with some cookies, and chocolate with bits of cookies in it.”

       “No.”

       Carmilla stopped on her tracks, reaching for Laura’s hand.

       “What’s the matter?”

       “Nothing,” Laura shook her head again and tried to give her her best smile. Evidently she wasn’t fooling anyone. They resumed walking for several minutes in silence, before Laura sighed and said, “I’m concerned about my dad.”

       “Is he okay?”

       “No. Yes? I don’t know.” She ran her fingers through her scalp. “he seemed… off. I mean, I could be wrong and overreacting, but,” Laura let out a frustrated sigh, “I’m just worried about him.”

       “Do you want me to call someone to check up on him?”

       “No, it’s okay. I think he was probably asleep or something. He has been working a lot lately and I don’t want him to get sick or worse, you know? Cause I’m not there for him to take care of him and I just kind of feel slightly guilty about it. But I will call him tomorrow to check up on him again.”

       She tried to push her thoughts away and tried to enjoy her day with Carmilla, who eventually started doing goofy things just to make her laugh. At first, Laura wasn’t really responsive at Carmilla’s silliness, until the latter was walking backwards and almost tripped with an old rocking horse. Her face made a weird gesture that cracked Laura up. Laura laughed until the owner of the shop appeared from inside and started yelling at them. They ran as if their lives depended upon it, serpentining and holding hands in what felt like a maze of a market until they both reached one of the exits. Out of breath and with pounding hearts, both girls continued with their journey smiling at each other and feeling lighthearted, stopping every now and then to kiss until they found a small cafe.

       “Do you want some dessert and some coffee?” Laura asked as they both stood outside.

       “Cupcake, you never have to ask me twice whether I want to grab some coffee. You know I will always say yes.”

       “I know, I know. Well, I was wondering that instead of going to a cafe we could go back to the apartment and have it there?" Laura wasn't sure why she suddenly felt bashful in front of Carmilla. "I um... I may or may not have a surprise waiting for you.”

       “Oh, really?” Carmilla’s lips curled and gave Laura a playful stare. 

       “Yep,” Laura replied in the same playful manner.

       They walked to the nearest subway station and travelled across Paris until they made their way back to the apartment where Mattie was already there, apparently she had just arrived as well since her hair was still damp from taking a shower. Even though she said that she didn’t minded having Laura living with them, she knew that she still didn’t fully approve of her. Maybe Carmilla had something to do with that as well.

       “Hey Mattie,” Carmilla greeted her.

       “Hello Carm,” Mattie gave Carmilla a hug before she turned to Laura and saluted her. “What are you two girls doing here so early?”

       “Um, Carm and I were going to have some dessert, would you like to join us?”

       At first Laura could sense that Mattie was going to decline her invitation, but then changed her mind. Carmilla moved over to the coffee maker and poured enough coffee for all of them, while Laura cut the cake Kirsch helped her create in equal parts and placed them in plates, following his instructions and took the fresh confiture and poured some on top of the slices of cake and served them.

       “Did you bought this at the store?” Mattie asked after she tastes a bite from the cake.

       “No. I made it.” Laura inserted her fork but was hesitant to take a bite.

       “You made this, sweetheart?”

       “If you don’t like it you don’t have to eat it.”

       Laura waited a few seconds longer for both to finish eating them, expecting them to give her a negative comment about the cake. But instead of that, both Carmilla and Mattie praised it. They said that the cake reminded them of a road trip to Athens they had when they were younger, and stopped at an old lady’s restaurant through their journey. That conversation changed to another trip that Mattie and Carmilla had, until the latter mentioned of the different places she would like to take Laura outside of Paris. To her surprise, Mattie contributed with some other uncommon places she had been fortunate to visit while filming that highly recommended to both girls.

       As the conversation between the three of them carried on and the cake was consumed, Laura noticed that Mattie’s attitude towards her changed from distant and serious to cordial. The hours passed and they all laughed and shared some of their embarrassing stories, Mattie was the first one to retire from the three of them.

       “As much as I would love to stay and continue talking with you two, I have to wake up early tomorrow.”

       “Goodnight, Mattie,” Carmilla gave her a hug.

       “Goodnight, Laura,” Mattie said, and embraced Laura in a hug. “Don’t stay up too late, you two.”

       “We won’t,” Laura heard Carmilla say. “Do you want to watch a movie, sweetheart?”

       But Laura didn’t answer. Her mind was racing in figuring out what had just happened several seconds ago, that it wasn’t until Carmilla chuckled and linked her hand with hers that brought her back to reality.

       “You okay in there, Laura?” Her voice was filled with happiness.

       “Uh… Yeah?” Carmilla kissed her cheek. “Did… did Mattie just—”

       “—Yes.” Carmilla kissed her again, this time in the cheeks. “Yes, she did.”

       “Oh.” Laura felt how her brain seemed to be properly functioning now. She turned to Carmilla and said, “Does that means that Mattie approves of me?”

       Carmilla leaned forward and brushed her lips against Laura’s, the proximity made Laura’s heart skip a beat and she held her breath.

       “Congratulations, cupcake.” She closed the distance met Laura’s lips, who after several seconds distanced herself.

       “Does that mean that I can sleep in your bed?”

       “Yes,” Carmilla kissed her again and directed her to the bedroom.

 

\---

 

       As they lied together in bed, Carmilla’s head pressed against her chest, tracing patterns on Laura’s hip bone and stomach while the latter brushed Carmilla’s hair and caressed the back of her neck. It was something they had started doing in the last couple of days whether they had sex or not, and enjoyed the warmth their bodies irradiated, the soothing sensation of feeling each other’s skin against their own and the way their breaths and heartbeats synchronized.

       Laura’s mind began to wonder how could it be possible to have lived all those years like she did. To do the same thing over and over again and never moving forward, never looking forward to anything that constituted in her monotonous, boring, miserable thing that she used to call a life. That was not life, she thought, and could not even be called surviving. She just existed. How far and distant it all seemed for Laura now, but there was not a single regret in her entire body in having all of those factors contribute to her being in where she was now. None.

       She always believed that things happened for a reason. And now, as she lied with Carmilla next to her, she was grateful for that lack of life she previously had. Because if she had never been miserable and lost her sense of what life was all about, she probably wouldn’t be there. She would have never found that journal. Never quit her job. Her money would still be in the bank gathering dust. She never would have bought that plane ticket and never met Carmilla, much less found love.

       “Can I ask you a question?” Carmilla asked, interrupting Laura’s train of thought.

       “What’s up?”

       “Can you tell me about your hometown back in Styria?”

       The question threw Laura off, as she never expected her girlfriend to ask her such question.

       “What do you want to know?”

       “Everything. Your neighborhood, the places you liked to go when you were a kid.”

       “You’re aware that I basically did nothing except work for years, right?” Laura shifted so she could see Carmilla’s face batter.

       “I know,” Carmilla turned her face, her eyes fixed upon Laura’s. “I’m just curious.”

       Her thoughts were flooded with the memories of when she was young. She told Carmilla of the library she always wanted to go but never did, of the old cinema she used to go with her dad on Sundays, or the small park her mother once took her on her 6th birthday. The grocery shop by the intersection, where there was always an old man sitting on a bench and looked at the people, or the bar she used to go out with her friends. Laura remembered the night of her graduation from college, that after they were all drunk and celebrated, they decided to break in the empty and dark football stadium, whooping and celebrating the beginning of the rest of their lives and how everything seemed both scary and exciting for them all.

       “I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Laura shook her head, but those memories fought to still be present in her mind.

       “Okay.” Carmilla shifted so she was next to Laura, before she leaned forward and pressed her lips against hers.

       Her thoughts diminished as the kiss began to escalate, but eventually evaporated when Carmilla shifted and was on top of Laura, who responded with the same passion and intensity, when Laura’s phone rang in the distance.

       “Ugh.”

       “Leave it,” Carmilla said and Laura obeyed, resuming to focus her attention in kissing her girlfriend.

       The phone stopped ringing after the fifth tone, but a few seconds later it resumed ringing.

       “Dammit. I have to take it.”

       Carmilla removed herself and Laura walked over to her phone, feeling annoyed at being so rudely interrupted. She looked at the phone number and her heart sank.

       “Everything okay?” Carmilla asked and the phone rang again.

       “It’s my dad. Hold on,” she swiped her finger through the screen. “Hello?”

       “Laura?” His dark voice came out faint through the other side of the line, but Laura could hear that his breathing was jagged, like he was in pain.

       Laura’s thoughts began to race and the world stopped revolving around her.

       “Dad. Is everything okay?”

       “I… call…”

       “Dad? What’s happening?” At that second she could hear her father give a painful moan and the sound of glass shattering and something hard hitting the phone. Laura felt a cold shiver and her heart clenched in her chest. “Dad? Dad, can you hear me?”

       He didn’t respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, for leaving Kudos, comments (criticism is always welcome) and bookmarking this fic. Follow me on tumblr puccacienta.tumblr.com and follow the tag paris-trip-au for updates or just me ranting about suffering from writers block.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S.: This fic won't be uploaded on a regular or weekly basis, it will come as I finish the chapters so be patient with me and forgive any grammatical errors. Also, I have only been to Paris twice in my life and wanted to make a story with the city in mind, so if you're French and stumble upon this, please don't be mad at me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!!! I'm back from the dead and I am deeply sorry for taking forever in updating the new chapter, but better late than never, right? I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think about it.

       “Laura? Laura what happened?”

       Her father’s voice replayed in her mind, making her unable to focus on anything besides that fact that… no, Laura pushed the thought away. She mustn’t think the worst.

       “Call 911...” Laura looked at Carmilla, whose expression was a mixture of confusion and oblivion. “Carm, I need to call 911! Like, right now!”

       Her hands were extended in front of her and started to pace the room like an animal does in a confined space.

       “Laura, you can’t.” 

       Her heart sank and Laura stopped on her tracks.

       “What?” Laura asked, her thoughts skyrocketed into a billion thoughts in her head as she looked at Carmilla, feeling a jabbing pain in her heart.

       “We can’t call 911 from Paris.”

       “I’ll call long distance, then,” she answered like it was the most obvious thing, but her tone had a hint of anger that the second those words came out from her lips she regretted them.

       “Do you know where your father is?” Carmilla asked and it startled Laura how composed she appeared.

       “No.” Carmilla took her phone from the bedstand and after a couple of seconds later she said,

       “It’s 3:14 pm in California.” Laura began to think how that piece of information could be of any use at the moment. “Do you know any of your father’s neighbor's telephone? Anybody that could know of his whereabouts?”

       Laura looked at her phone and began to scan through her almost nonexistent list of contacts. She found her dad’s work number, pressed the phone number and placed the device in her ear and waited while the fingers in her free hand twitched nervously.

_        Riiiiiiiiiing…  _

       She began to pace the room once again, but Carmilla remained in the same position.

_        Riiiiiiiiiing… _

       The seconds dragged with every tone her phone produced, feeling that with every second that passed, her father’s life might be slipping from her fingers.

_        Riiiiiiiiiing…Riiiii—” _

       “Vordenberg Enterprises. How can I help you?” It was a young woman’s voice on the other side.

       “Yes. Is Mr. Hollis there?”

       “He left for the day. Can I leave a message for him?”

       “Did he said he had any appointments or anything of the sort?”

       “That’s confidential.”

       “Did he say where he was going?”

       “I’m sorry miss, but I can’t provide that information.”

       “Listen.” Laura sighed, trying to keep her nerves in place. “This is his daughter, Laura Hollis. I am out of the country and I just spoke with him through the phone, but he seemed to be in pain and there’s no way for me to contact him. So I need you to call an ambulance to his house, it’s at 307 Silas Drive, or any other place that he might be. It is a matter of life and death.” The girl didn’t seemed convinced and it was boiling Laura’s blood. “Listen to me. Call an ambulance because he might be dying this very second and if that happens, I swear to god that I will—.”

       “—Laura.” Carmilla reappeared and was wearing a black shirt and a pair of panties, but even though her voice was firm it wasn’t menacing. 

       “What?” Laura barked. 

       In an instant, Laura felt like an invisible force was suppressing her from all sides, a mixture of regret, irritation and dread flooded her body that made her feel like she was sick. Laura closed her eyes and fought the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes with all her strength, but then opened them as Carmilla gently took her phone away, gave her a kiss on the cheek and continued with the phone conversation.

 

\---

 

       “She hasn’t called back,” Laura exclaimed. In fact, she had been asking that same question several times as it had been almost an hour and a half since she last heard from the woman from Vordenberg’s. “Why hasn’t she called back?”

       “Maybe there are still no news.” 

       “What if she didn’t get the number right? Or she can’t make long distance calls? Wait, do I have signal? Let me check my phone.”

       “Laura, hey,” Carmilla placed her hand on Laura’s shoulder and stopped her. Laura turned around. “You already checked your phone. Several times. If something bad happened I can bet you that you would’ve known by now.” Carmilla leaned in and gave Laura a peck on the lips. The small gesture seemed to bring down her nerves even for a little bit. 

       “How do you know?”

       “Bad news travel faster than good ones. But, it won’t do you any good to dwell on things that you can’t control at the moment.” Carmilla said calmly and went over to lie on the bed and patted for Laura to join her, who hesitated but obliged momentarily “Come on, you should try to get some sleep.”

       “I can’t. Not until I know something about my dad.”

       “Just try, okay sweetheart?” Carmilla leaned over and kissed Laura’s lips again. “I promise you that if we don’t hear any news in a couple of hours, we’ll take the first available flight so you can be with your dad.”

Unknown (3:45am):    Ambulance is already here.

Laura (3:46am):          Thank you for keeping me posted.

Unknown (3:46am):    Don’t worry.

 

       “See? There’s nothing to worry about.”

       Laura was both physically and emotionally drained from the turn of events, but even if she wanted to get some rest, she knew that it was useless. So instead she followed Carmilla’s advice and they lied together on the bed, and they began to comfort each other until she received a message, Laura reached out for her phone and clicked on the message icon.

       Laura felt how some of the weight on her shoulders was relieved. She stared at the ceiling without knowing how long it was until her phone buzzed again.

 

Unknown (4:01am):    Already in the hospital. They’re checking up on him.

Unknown (4:01am):    I will let you know anything as soon as I can.

Laura (4:02am):          Thank you.

 

       Carmilla’s head rested against Laura’s shoulder, her soft hand holding her waist while Laura slowly caressed her dark hair. She didn’t knew how much time had passed since Carmilla’s breathing evened out, her head feeling heavy against her shoulder blade was a clear indication she was sound asleep. Something that Carmilla was able to do once they started sharing a bed together.

       As she was lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling, Laura realized that ever since she got on that plane, all those weeks ago, she knew that the one-way ticket was not a permanent thing. She knew she eventually had to go back to her life, to find another job and continue with her life. It was obvious that she wouldn’t allow to get absorbed in her job and forget once again what it meant to live. She made a promise to herself right then and there that she would never make the same mistake twice.

       But that was before she even met Carmilla. That was before she met Perry, LaFontaine, Kirsch and even Mattie, who accepted her as part of a small family and made her feel like she belonged here in Paris. Paris, Laura thought, it was the most beautiful place in the entire world. It was beautiful because it is where she found herself, and more important, she found Carmilla. Laura continued looking at the ceiling and her mind began to replay her entire trip, from meeting Carmilla at the plane, how they went on strolls together, even the rather depressive days when she was out of town working and she hung out with Danny. And then it transitioned to when Carmilla reciprocated her feelings and they became a couple, and that was when Laura had been the happiest in her entire life, because she loved Carmilla more than anything in the world.

       With these pleasant thoughts, Laura was slowly dozing into sleep when suddenly her phone buzzed and brought her back to life. She reach out for it and the light from the screen was suddenly too bright for her, that it took her several seconds to for her eyes to adjust.

 

Unknown (4:39 am):   Laura. I don’t know what’s happening but the doctors won’t tell me what’s wrong with Mr. Hollis.

Laura (4:40 am):         Have you told them that I’m out of town?

Unknown (4:40 am):   Yes, but they insist they need to talk with you asap.

Laura (4:41 am):        Did they say anything else?

Laura (4:43 am):        Hey! Are you still there?

Laura (4:46 am):        What else did the doctors say?

Unknown (4:50 am):  Laura?

Laura (4:51 am):        What did the doctors say?

Unknown (4:54 am):  You need to get here. 

Unknown (4:54 am):  Now.

 

       A cold shiver ran inside Laura and her heart began to beat frantically against her chest. A deep and piercing sense of regret and impotence overpowered her, that for a second she thought she was going to get sick. Her eyes read the message, but it seemed like her brain couldn’t analyze what was happening with her father. What was so urgent that they needed her to get back to the US and hear the news from her father’s condition?

       It was like her mind had gone on a short circuit as everything suddenly made sense and a range of emotions travelled through her body ranging from sadness to enraged to impotence to determination. His voice, his phone calls, his being short of breath. They were all there, and she ignored them.

       Her thoughts were interrupted as Carmilla gave a deep sigh and her body shifted, holding Laura tighter against her. In any other circumstance it would have been the most beautiful sight Laura had ever witnessed while she was with Carmilla. Then it dawned on her. 

       She had to make a decision between her father and Carmilla.

 

\---

 

       Laura stared at the message she had drafted for Carmilla still present in her screen, but something was stopping her from sending it. She felt guilty for leaving Carmilla, but her father needed her to be there for him and even more, she needed to know what the doctors couldn’t tell the secretary and had to tell her instead. 

_        Diiing donnng _ .

       “Attention, passengers,” a man’s voice came from the PA in English, “on AirStyria flight 1904 with destination to Los Angeles, California. Please proceed to gate D37, boarding will now begin. Attention passengers on AirStyria flight 1904 with destination to Los Angeles, California. Please proceed to board on Gate D37.”

       Laura quickly gathered her few belongings and headed over to the gate, where people were already handing their plane ticket and passports to board the plane. Laura felt her phone buzz as she was about to hand out her ticket and her passport to be scanned. She pulled it out, noticing Carmilla’s name on the screen.

       “Carm, I can’t talk right now. I’ll call you later.”

       “No, Laura wait—.”

       But Laura had already pressed the hung up button, as she handed out her plane ticket and passport to be scanned. A sudden sense of guilt went through her as Carmilla’s words of “if we don’t hear any news in a couple of hours, we’ll take the first available flight so you can be with your dad.” Carmilla wanted to be there for her, and Laura completely ignored her by jumping on the first flight and now she hung up on her when she wanted to call her.

       As Laura made her way through the sea of people, she sat next to an old and unfortunately chatty old lady before the plane began to move. While the stewardesses were giving the boring safety instructions that none of the passengers pay attention to, Laura’s phone rang once again. She quickly pulled it out and noticed Carmilla’s name on the screen but before she could even do anything, the stewardess glared at her and she defeatedly turned her cell phone into “airplane mode.”

       “You shouldn’t keep your phone on, sweetie,” The old woman said. “They interfere with the plane’s signal with the control tower.”

       “It’s already turned off,” Laura replied rather dryly, but the lady glanced at her and she obliged, remembering she never sent the message to Carmilla and now it was lost.

       The lady went on and on about how technology brought so many problems to society and how cell phones were going to lead humanity into destruction amongst other topics, but Laura could only think of Carmilla. She thought of how Carmilla reacted when she now had hung up on her twice without giving her any information. An overwhelming sense of guilt spread through her that was intensified by the pressure of the plane taking off. She thought she was going to suffocate and her ears felt like they were about to pop that she vividly remembered how Carmilla offered her gum when she first met her. In an attempt to calm her nerves, Laura began to think how it was her duty to go be there for her father because he is the only family she has left. And it would’ve been too selfish from her to not spend time with him now that it seemed imperative from the doctors to have her go back to Los Angeles. 

       But there was also that other side of her that was ripping her heart to shreds. She was a coward. The worst kind. The one that knew that she didn’t deserved Carmilla’s forgiveness for doing what she did to her. Laura loved Carmilla, she didn’t questioned that, but she wasn’t too sure that Carmilla would forgive her for what she did. For hanging up on her not once, but twice. For sneaking in the early hours of the morning and not even bother to leave a note. For completely ignoring Carmilla’s suggestion of flying together to Los Angeles and instead Laura ran away like a rat.

_        You are a coward _ , Laura suddenly realized that and the words echoed through every nerve of her entire being. She had a tendency to run away whenever things got too complicated for her to handle and felt her stomach turn in revulsion at the realization.  _ You are a coward _ . Laura remembered the time she would hide in her room when her parents argued, or how she ended things with her last girlfriend at the first sign when things started going south. How she suddenly quit her job and decided to come to Paris, and now this.  _ You are a coward _ . Laura hated herself for doing the very first thing she promised herself she would never do when she was younger. And she had done it time and time again. 

       The old lady sitting next to her continued talking and asked her a question, but Laura excused herself and covered herself entirely and allowed the tears to roll down her cheek, grateful that the noise of both the engines and of the crowd muffled her own sniffing almost entirely.

 

\---

 

       “Laura? Laura, wake up.”

       She turned and there was Carmilla sitting next to her with her black hoodie and ripped jeans. Laura blinked several times to make sure she wasn’t imagining things. 

       “Carm? What— what are you doing here?” Laura shifted in her seat and looked around. 

       “I needed to see you.”

       “What about the old lady sitting right next to me?”

       “We exchanged seats. She’s over there, see?” Carmilla pointed to the opposite direction of the plane.

       Laura couldn’t pinpoint where the old lady was seated amongst the crowd, but she knew that Carmilla wouldn’t lie to her.

       “Why did you do it?” Carmilla interrupted her train of thought, her voice was quiet but Laura could feel the hurt underneath her words. 

       Laura tried to explain herself, but the words got stuck on her throat. Carmilla looked at her in the eye, but despite her best efforts, no words came out from her lips.

       “Don’t you love me?”

       “Yes. Yes, I do, Carm. More than anything in the world.”

       “Then why did you run away?” 

       “I don’t know.”

       “You didn’t even said goodbye. I would’ve understood, you know? I would’ve supported you.”

       “I’m sorry, Carm.” That was all that Laura could say. “I’m so, so sorry. Please, forgive me.”

       There was a pause.

       “No,” Carmilla said.

       Laura looked at Carmilla and felt how the clock stopped ticking between them. Her heart sank and a cold shudder travel across her entire body as she looked at Carmilla, but she only saw the pain and the menacing cloud of anger cover her eyes.

       “You expect me to forgive you, but I won’t.” Her eyes became darker. “You left me, Laura, even when you said that you loved me above everything. You abandoned me and didn’t even bothered to leave me any type of explanation.” Carmilla looked at Laura, and for a second she was afraid of looking at those eyes filled with anger, but she knew that she deserved it. Deep down she knew she did. “Do you know what you are? You’re a fucking coward, Laura Hollis. What you did to me deserves no forgiveness and I hope somebody does that to you so you’ll know how it feels. So you’ll know how much it fucking hurts to be betrayed.” Carmilla stood up. “I don’t want to see you or hear from you ever again.”

       Laura tried to stop her but she was cemented on her chair, her limbs unable to move and even if she tried to scream, her words inaudible and watched as Carmilla walked away from her. She wanted to ask for forgiveness, to let Carmilla know that she loved her and that she would keep her promise of never abandoning anyone anymore, but it was too late. Carmilla had already left and Laura felt her breathing short and her body heavy, then everything turned to darkness.

 

\---

 

       Laura shot her eyes open and the old lady was once again sitting next to her. Disoriented, Laura looked around and noticed that she was still in the plane, but Carmilla was nowhere to be seen. She tried to find her so she could for forgiveness, but instead a hand was touching her shoulder.

       “Whoa, sweetie, calm down. It was just a dream. You’re okay,” the voice continued saying. “Everything’s okay. It was just a bad dream.”

       Her lungs ached and there was something restricting her from standing up. Laura pushed the blanket off her body and noticed the seat belt safely fastened around her hips. With a quick motion she freed herself and almost tripped with the old woman next to her and hurriedly walked to the restroom. As soon as she was about to arrive, a person opened the door and Laura hastily occupied the small space, shutting the door behind her. There was something pressing against her chest as she placed her hands on the small sink, her eyes fixed upon her reflection in the mirror while she tried to calm herself down. 

       Laura closed her eyes, but the image of Carmilla appeared underneath her eyelids that it was becoming unbearable for her to compose herself. The most she could do at the moment was to wash her face and hope that her mind would clear a little before she returned to her seat. Without even looking at the mirror, Laura counted her breathing until she felt slightly better before going back to her seat. If there was something she was certain, was that the old lady sitting next to her was probably going to ask her questions, so she pulled out her headphones and quickly covered herself up with her blanket in order to avoid her and the rest for the world.

       There was time enough to deal with that. But for now, all she wanted was to forget that awful dream.

 

\---

 

       Laura was tired from sitting for too long, from feeling that exhaustion that was accompanied after crying. The flight felt longer than she expected and even though the lady next to her tried to be amiable, didn’t bothered to ask for Laura’s name, and Laura was in no mood but to be left alone. She did little effort to carry the conversation and answered mostly with monosyllabic words that eventually the poor lady gave up and turned to talk with someone else.

       And now after she picked up her suitcase from the luggage claim, Laura felt a pang in her chest as she observed the families kissing and embracing their loved ones, couples hugging and kissing passionately. While she just walked passed them and headed to call for a taxi to take her to the hospital and instinctively reached out for her phone and turned it on. As the phone was coming to life a taxi cab pulled right in front of her and Laura climbed inside, while the taxi driver placed her suitcase in the trunk.

       “Where to, miss?” The taxi driver asked with a bored tone the second he closed the door.

       Laura didn’t answered at first. She was too entranced looking at her cell phone come to life and no new notifications, no messages, no voicemails appeared. The driver impatiently repeated the question, to which Laura gave him the address the girl who found her father gave her. They drove and Laura observed at the city around her. She observed how businesses had been replaced, new buildings had been constructed in previous empty lots, how the colors had changed, but mostly how that city changed without her. She felt alien to her own hometown that reminded Laura of how much of her life she had wasted just by being focused on something that didn’t loved her back.

       She was lost in her thoughts when she felt the car stop and the driver opened the trunk, took Laura’s suitcase out and waited until he was paid for his services and drove away without saying anything else. As Laura turned and noticed the gigantic hospital building, she felt her stomach turn and her heart dropped as she began to walk over to the lobby and asked for her father. The receptionist quickly gave her the instructions and Laura tried to remember but it was in vain. With a half-smile, Laura thanked her and walked over to where she was told to head to and entered the elevator and hoped for the best.

_        I’ll call Carm later, _ she thought.

 

\---

 

       “Sweetheart?”

       Laura opened her eyes and had a hard time recognizing the man resting by her side. His cheekbones were sunk and he seemed much older than what Laura remembered, but knew that it was her father.

       “Dad?” Laura wanted to cry at the sight in front of her but pushed the feeling down and tried to smile. “How are you feeling.”

       “Better now that you’re here,” His voice was hoarse and there was a wheezing in his tone that Laura didn’t comprehend why he had it. She didn’t remember him having it while he was on the phone with her, but her thoughts were interrupted as a doctor opened the door and entered.

       “Hey doc,” Mr. Hollis said and the doctor seemed tired, but he gave him a smile nonetheless. “This is my daughter, Laura.”

       “Pleased to meet you.”

       “Thank you for taking care of my dad, doctor.”

       “It’s my job. John, do you mind if I talk with Laura for a second?”

       “You can tell her here, doctor.”

       “Tell me what?” Laura looked between her father and the doctor. None of them saying anything.

       Laura felt her heart racing and all of a sudden she wasn’t able to register what was happening. Her ears rung and she felt disoriented, nauseous and her lungs seemed to have forgotten what it meant to breathe. She looked once again between the doctor and her father, but despite words were exchanged she wasn’t able to hear, only the lips from the doctor continued moving but Laura couldn’t understand what he was saying. Except she understood everything, and felt like she was having an out of body experience because she knew she understood everything to perfection but her mind couldn’t catch up with the present circumstances.

       She didn’t knew how much time had passed because by the time she came back to her senses, the doctor was gone and her father was once again asleep with his hand linked to Laura’s. As she slowly released from his grip, Laura tucked the bed sheets up to his chin and that’s when, without noticing it, she began to cry inconsolably. Laura felt defeated, like her life was slipping away from her as she looked at her father’s thin figure, his wheezy breathing, only to be reminded of the inevitable fate that awaited both of them.

       Her father’s day were counted before the cancer in his lungs consumed his life.

 

\---

 

       Laura looked at her phone and there was a missed call from Carmilla. She was about to call her when she realized that Carmilla must be at her job, so she decided to do that later.

       Laura never made the call.

 

\---

 

       She made arrangements with the doctor to bring him home, where she would be taking care of him and try to make his last days as bearable as she could. Money was tight, Laura knew that, but thank goodness her father had some money saved so she managed to buy groceries on a limited budget and spent every second possible by his side. Plus, Laura still had some money left from her trip she didn’t spent while she was in Paris. 

       Mr. Hollis tried to be as cheerful as his usual self, cracking jokes at Laura or even doing things they used to do together, like watching movies cuddled up together in the couch, play card games, or even go out and walk around the block. And even though Laura tried to play along, there was a constant reminder of his deteriorating condition as he ate less, their walks were very short, or even the wheezing in his breathing and sometimes the coughing fits that always frightened her till no end were evidence enough. 

       “Sweetheart?”

       “Yes dad?”

       “Will come come here?” He patted to his side of the couch and Laura crawled next to him. 

       It had been a more recurring thing between them both to which Laura cried every time while her father fell asleep. As she curled up next to him, she felt the familiar sting underneath her eyes but fought hard against them. She had to be strong for her father.

       He reached out for the remote control and turned the TV on.

       “Do you want to watch a movie, dad?”

       “If you’d like,” was his reply, and Laura went over and selected a DVD from the small shelf he had, placed it on the player. She knew that was her father’s favorite movie and when she returned, she found his sunken eyes meet hers, gave her a small smile and lifted his throw for her to curl up next to him. As the credits began to roll and the sepia toned scene advanced, Laura felt the sting in her eyes more prominent as Dorothy began to sing “Over the Rainbow.” There was something in that song that broke her heart, feeling for the first time a different meaning to the lyrics that reminded her of Carmilla, of Paris, of everything that she left. 

       Laura remembered how Carmilla had stopped getting in contact with her and Laura was so consumed in being with her dad that she never called either. But it also reminded her of when she was younger, when her parents were still together and everything seemed to be filled with happiness and innocence. Before her mother left them. Before Laura got lost in her career and found herself in Paris. Before she abandoned Carmilla.

       And now she was about to lose her father.

       Her train of thought was interrupted when she felt an arm wound tighter around her back as the lyrics ended and she turned and noticed the tears rolling down her father’s cheeks. They both remained close to one another as the movie went along, laughing and reacting to the movie as it was coming close to the end, when Laura couldn’t control herself and began to cry inconsolably as Dorothy repeated the words “there’s no place like home.” 

 

\---

 

       “Sweetheart,” Mr. Hollis called with a faint voice.

       “Dad? Is everything okay? You want me to call the doctor?”

       “I’m fine,” And he let out a hollow cough that scared Laura. She reached out for him but his coughing stopped. He looked so fragile, so weak, that it always managed to break Laura’s heart more than it already was.

       “I want you to promise me something,” he reached out and held her hand, tracing his thumb across her knuckles, just like when she was little and he was to have a serious conversation with her.

       “Anything, dad,” she pressed her hand tighter to his.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months after the last chapter. In which Laura has something to do

       It felt like an eternity had passed and Laura was drained both physically and emotionally. And with every step she took, she felt like she was trapped between a sense of feeling like she was simultaneously carrying the weight of the world and being as light as air. Her feet carried her automatically through the seemingly neverending steps, the narrow streets, the people she once called her own until she arrived  in front of the narrow, off-white house covered with vines and tall window panes. Without thinking twice, Laura opened the door and climbed the slanted staircase until she reached the door and lightly knocked.

       No one answered.

       Laura knocked once again, this time a little bit harder until she heard the muffled noise of feet walking closer. 

       “Oui?” A familiar voice called on the other side of the door. Laura felt her heart stop as she recognized the words she hadn’t heard in months. “Qui êtes-vous?”

       Her tongue tied as she stood in front of the door and swallowed the lump forming in her throat, she opened her lips and whispered,

       “Carm?”

       There was the muted sound of people walking on the street and a car drove. Laura focused her attention to the door in front of her, when it opened and Carmilla standing in front of her. 

       “Laura?” Carmilla’s tone seemed surprised and by impulse Laura flung her arms around Carmilla, and felt like she she had arrived home. They stood like that for several seconds until the pair of hands that once had touched her so gently were now pushing her away. 

       “Carm, I—”

       “—Qui est-ce, Carmilla?” A female voice called in the distance. 

       It wasn’t Mattie’s.

       “I… I just…” Laura took a step back, noticing Carmilla’s hair was rather messy. The sudden realization that Carmilla was with another girl felt like she had been poured a bucket filled with ice. “I’m sorry. This was a mistake.”

       “What?”

       In a rush, Laura headed back to the staircase and began to descend, walking out the door and turned to the left. The crowd of people was getting denser as she approached Sacré-Cœur, feeling how her lungs were in desperate need of air. As she walked, Laura rebuked herself for being so childish in thinking that maybe Carmilla would wait for her and welcome her with loving arms after abandoning her and practically tore all strands of communication from the first day. She scolded herself for realizing how her promise to her dad was doomed now she had to live with the regret of knowing that she failed the two people she loved, and lost them both.

       She sat on the large staircase surrounded by people and watched them come and go, the noise surrounding her of crowds talking in different languages, the funicular going up and down time and time again. Laura thought she was an imbecile for thinking that after everything she did, everything would still be okay.

       “Laura?”

       She turned and there was Carmilla a couple of steps behind her, her expression unreadable with flushed cheeks but her eyes observed her carefully, like she wasn’t sure she was either present or it was her brain playing tricks with her. 

       “Hey,” Laura whispered despite the noise surrounding them. 

       Laura observed Carmilla carefully walk towards her before sitting down, leaving some space between them that caused her heart to drop in disappointment.

       “You’re here?” Carmilla asked and Laura smiled before saying,

       “Yes, Carm.” Slowly, she reached out her hand and placed it on top of Carmilla’s, careful so the latter wouldn’t flinch at the touch. “I’m really here.”

       She wanted to say so many things to Carmilla. It was an understatement for Laura to admit that she was nervous and that the words got stuck in her throat every time she tried to say something. She wanted to apologize for leaving her, tell her that she was here, that she was real and that this time she wasn’t going to run away. Her heart pounded against her chest and despite seeming cool and composed, Laura was terrified. The minutes ticked and neither girl moved, they only stared at each other that seemed like they were having a telepathic conversation, but in reality Laura was too afraid to say anything, and waited for Carmilla to be the first one to speak.

       “Why are you here?” Her tone came out harsher than what Laura expected and those words struck her like a thousand needles to her heart. 

       “I needed to come back. There’s something I need to do.”

       “Something?” Carmilla asked and Laura nodded. “And you are just, what, going to do whatever it is you came back for and then you’re just gonna leave again?”

       “No, Carm. I’m not leaving this time.” Laura squeezed Carmilla’s fingers in assurance, feeling like if she let go she would be back from a dream back in her father’s house and with him being still sick. No, if she was dreaming then she wanted to stay in this dream as long as she could.

       “Why did you leave? Why didn’t you wake me up to accompany you?” There was hurting in her voice and it reminded Laura of her dream in the plane all those months ago.

       She cleared the lump in her throat and said,

       “You know why, Carm,” she answered and she noticed Carmilla’s eyes change to a serious glance, but there was also anger and hurt. “I needed to be with my dad.”

       “But you didn’t even said goodbye. You just left and…,” Carmilla removed her hand from Laura’s light grip. “Do you know how horrible it feels to wake up and realize that the person you loved has—”

       “—It was an emergency.”

       “So you thought it was best to just leave and not give two shits about what I thought? That I wanted to be there for you?” Laura couldn’t answer. “Why did you come back, Laura?”

       And there it was. The question that Laura had imagined was inevitable while she was on the plane on her way back. The question that always popped in her mind while she pictured fictional versions of this conversation. Despite all the scenarios she imagined, this question was the only one Laura couldn’t come up with a halfway decent reply. Her mind would always go blank and now wasn’t the exception.

       “I… I needed to see you.” She replied sheepishly and swallowed hard. “I needed to apologize. To make things rights with you.”

       “You came all the way back to Paris,  _ just _ to apologize?”

       “Yes.”

       “And you expect me to simply forgive you, just like that?”

       “No. I mean, yes. No, wait. I came here to apologize even though I know I don’t deserve it. That and something else.” She looked and Carmilla’s eyes were fixed on hers, expectantly, but didn’t seemed like she was going to say anything. Laura took a deep breath and added, “I have a promise to keep. But then again, I guess it’s too late for that as well.” Her voice broke in the end, but she knew that tears weren’t going to solve anything at the moment so she fought hard to keep her emotions at bay and continued. “Carm, I know I screwed up. I know I shouldn’t have just left, or I should have called, given you an explanation or something. But I didn’t and… you are right. You are absolutely right in having every right to be mad at me. And if you want me to leave and never come back, I will do as you ask. But please, give me a chance to explain myself and if by then you still don’t forgive me, then I will leave you and you won’t hear from me ever again.” 

       Carmilla didn’t say anything. 

       Laura gulped and continued to tell Carmilla about the message she received that night when Carmilla was already asleep. How she hastily packed her bag and even told her of the amount of guilt she went through and the dream back in the plane. How once she arrived at the hospital, she realized there was something very wrong with her father. She told Carmilla her father had terminal lung cancer, even though he had stopped smoking a very long time ago and how she convinced the doctors to take care of him. Carmilla listened and every so often hummed for Laura to continue, but never said a concrete word. Laura continued telling her about his coughing fits, about the times she rushed him to the hospital and the times he was delirious, saying that there was a demon trying to pull his feet and take him away from her. And how an afternoon, the last afternoon he was alive after they finished watching “The Wizard of Oz,” he made Laura promise that once he passed away and all the paperwork was sorted out, Laura would sell his house and everything inside it, grab the money she was to inherit from his will and go back to Paris and be with Carmilla.

       “And that’s why you came back? To fulfill your promise to your father?”

       “Yes,” Laura sighed, her shoulders sagged. “I didn’t think it would take this long for me to be able to come back. But I did.”

       “I don’t believe you.”

       “What? Do you think I am making all of this up?”

       “I don’t know, are you?”

       “No.”

       “How am I supposed to trust you after what you did?”

       “Carm, I—.”

       “—How do you expect me to believe that you won’t run away like you did the first time?”

       “I won’t run away—.”

       “And how the hell am I supposed to know?”

       “Because I have nowhere else to go,” Laura raised her voice and Carmilla seemed to be taken by surprise. “The only family I had left is dead, Carm, and this is the only place where I can go back to.” Laura let out a sigh and took several deep breaths to compose herself. “After all this time, I still love you.” Her eyes bored on Carmilla’s. “I will always love you, Carm. And I won’t  _ ever _ let you go through something like that ever again. I promise.”

       The sky changed and was now turning into the magnificent saturated hues of oranges and pinks and golden yellows that Laura remembered seeing with Carmilla at the top of the Eiffel Tower all those months ago. The light illuminated Carmilla’s features, making Laura aware once again that there was nowhere else in the world she’d rather be.

       Carmilla’s phone rang and both girls jumped on their seats. Carmilla took it out from her pocket and answered, turning her back towards Laura. She spoke in French and Laura recognized several words of endearment coming out from Carmilla’s lips that reminded Laura of the girl in her apartment. But then shook her thoughts as she realized she had no right to be jealous at the moment.

       “How’s everybody?” Laura asked after Carmilla hung up.

       “They’re good.”

       “And Mattie?”

       “Also good. She’s not in town at the moment.”

       “Another movie?”

       “Yep.” Several seconds filled with awkwardness passed by. “I have to go.”

       “Oh,” Laura exclaimed with disappointment in her voice. “Can I um, can I walk you to your building?”

       “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

       “Please, Carm,” Laura stood up and in an uncomfortable silence they headed back. 

       Laura remembered the streets, the smells, the gift shops, and even the tourists with their stupid selfie sticks when her hand lightly touched Carmilla’s. But the latter didn’t seemed to notice.

       “I’m sorry for what happened to your father,” Carmilla said as they continued walking in the direction of the apartment. “He seemed like a nice man. I know he loved you very much.”  

       “Thanks. He would have loved you, you know?” Laura swallowed hard and felt her eyes tear up but resolved not to cry. Now was not the moment.

       Carmilla didn’t reply anything to Laura’s comment, and that tore her heart, reminding her of how much she hurted Carmilla by leaving her behind and even though she knew that earning her trust again was going to take some time, Laura wasn’t going to give up until she achieved it. No matter how long it would take, she loved Carmilla too much to give her up without a fight.

       As they were nearing their apartment building, Laura began to feel the dread of letting Carmilla go.

       “Carm can you just, hold on for a second?”

       “Laura,” Carmilla’s tone came out somewhat irritated.

       “Just for a second,” Carmilla stopped and turned. “I just want to tell you something really quick. I… I know that you are really mad at me and you have every right to be. But I just want to tell you that I won’t give you up that easily, or asking you to forgive and forget, but just if you could please give me a chance to make it up to you.”

       “It’s not gonna be easy for me to forgive you, Laura.”

       “I know. But I am willing to prove to you that I won’t run away. I’m willing to wait as long as I have to in order to earn your forgiveness.” Laura looked at Carmilla straight in the eye. “And if… after some time goes by and you still can’t do that, then I will leave you and you won’t hear from me ever again.”

       Without saying anything, Carmilla nodded and walked away from Laura and disappeared behind the door, leaving Laura by herself. Instead of walking away, Laura sighed and waited a few seconds before heading in the same direction as Carmilla, stopping in front of what she hoped was still inhabited by Kirsch before ringing the doorbell.

 

\---

 

       The first person to forgive her was Kirsch, who even offered his couch for Laura to crash until she found a place to stay, but not without helping her land a job at the bakery where Danny worked at. The first couple of days were difficult for Laura, not only because she still struggled with the language, plus the jet lag, but because she worked on the same shift as Danny. Laura did her best to remain amiable but distant, until Danny was the one that told her that she got over her pretty quickly and was now very happy with Betty, her girlfriend. That seemed to alleviate the tension between them and Laura was able to enjoy her work. 

       Even though Kirsch easy to forgive her, Perry and LaFontaine were harder to convince. LaFontaine, having family even further that Perry, was more understandable with Laura’s lack of reasoning. But still, they thought that what Laura did was still very cruel to Carmilla. Perry, on the other hand, reprimanded Laura for what she did as she scrubbed the dishes with a passion, changing every now and then from english to german to which Laura couldn’t understand a thing. But after several hours of repeating herself, she offered the futon they both had in their apartment for Laura to crash in whenever Kirsch invited his girlfriend over to the apartment. Meaning she was forgiven.

       It was strange for Laura to live in the same apartment building but not with Carmilla. And even more so as she caught herself several times walking over to her door instead of Kirsch’s. She missed Carmilla, deeply, but knew that it was better to keep her distance and learn to pick her battles rather than losing her all over again.

       “Hey Carm,” Laura said as she caught Carmilla fumbling for her keys to enter her apartment. “How was your day today?”

       “Boring as always.” 

       “Had a lot of meetings?”

       “Yeah.”

       “That sucks,” Laura added and noticed Carmilla’s tired eyes. “Well I hope you get some rest and… Well, I guess I’ll... see you around?”

       “Sure.”

       “Bye, Carmilla.”

       “Bye,” Carmilla started closing the door behind her when Laura called her again. “What is it now, cupcake?”

       “I’ll be here if you need me, okay?”

       Carmilla nodded and closed the door behind her.

 

\---

 

       “Of course she is still mad at you, L,” LaFontaine said as they were helping set the table so they could have dinner together.

       “Yeah, but…,” Laura opened the wine bottle she brought, along with a baguette baked that day at the bakery. “Can’t she see that I’m making an effort here?”

       “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of the matter, Laura.”

       “What?”

       “Laura,” Perry emerged from the kitchen with the dinner and placed it on the table and sat down. “Did you and Carmilla ever talked about past relationships the first time you were here? Do you have any idea how long it was before Carmilla opened herself emotionally like she did with you?”

       “No.”

       “It had been years, Laura.’

       “Perry—”

       “—No, sweetie. Laura should know.”

       Perry told Laura about how when she first arrived in Paris and got this apartment, Carmilla was in a very serious relationship with a girl named Eleanor. They met when Carmilla visited Mattie on set in one of her films and they had that instant chemistry that people put in the movies. They travelled and it was evident how much they loved each other, spending all the time they could together and even went on trips or Carmilla would go and visit Eleanor on set just to have lunch together if their schedules coincided. And then Carmilla was the one to invite Eleanor to come and live with her, and Eleanor accepted. It all seemed to be fine, but because of Carmilla’s job she had to constantly leave and Eleanor was left by herself sometimes a whole week by herself. Perry narrated how Carmilla one evening she came a day earlier than expected from a business trip and found Eleanor asleep and naked with another woman in their bed.

       Laura felt guilt travel her body and the urge to want to shrink into a tiny speck of dust and vanish into oblivion as everything made sense to her. How Mattie was very protective of her sister and the conversation they had all those months ago. And then she remembered how Carmilla was hesitant towards confessing her feelings for Laura at the steps of Montmartre, and then remembered how passionate Carmilla was once they decided to become a couple. How much she showed Laura she loved her.

       And Laura repaid her by running away and hurting her.

       “Carmilla never mentioned her. But then again, I never asked.”

       “Now you know,” Perry said as she finished her meal, Laura’s was almost untouched.

       “So what are you gonna do?” LaFontaine asked.

       Laura became pensive for a couple of seconds, before an idea popped into her head.

       “Do you guys think that if  we all hang around, Carmilla might come?”

       “Like hang out as in a group?” LaFontaine asked and Laura nodded. “What do you have in mind?”

 

\---

 

       It was different to spend time with Carmilla accompanied by Perry and LaFontaine. She liked them and was glad they supported her, but deep inside of her she wanted to be alone with Carmilla. But like Perry told her before, she needed to take things slow this time, which was actually true. She needed to earn Carmilla’s trust before she earned her love again, and that was something that Laura was nervous about. 

       So here they were, sitting by the river bank with sandwiches and a bottle of wine, which LaFontaine told them it was perfectly legal in this side of Paris. Apparently the law of public drinking changed depending on the Quarter they were, or even the street. Or so they said. 

       “Laura, sweetie. Relax.”

       “She  _ will _ come. You know that, right?”

       Laura turned and LaFontaine’s eyebrows were raised, their expression showing amusement despite they seemed to try to hide it.

       “But what if she doesn’t?”

       “More food for us, obviously,” they said and earned a disapproving look from Perry.

       “But what if she doesn’t. I mean, I know this is a long shot because she is still pretty mad at me and—”

       Laura stopped talking the second she recognized Carmilla descending the stairs. As her eyes focused on Carmilla, she noticed she was wearing torn up jeans, a plain white shirt, a black blazer and black flat shoes. She observed how her hips swayed with every step she descended, how her hair bounced and flowed effortlessly, that in Laura’s mind she thought she looked perfect. As Carmilla continued walking in their direction, Laura became agitated, her palms perspired, her heart was pounding and she couldn’t help a smile forming in her lips the second she noticed Carmilla wearing the same expression.

       “Do you need a napkin, Laura?” LaFontaine interrupted Laura’s train of thought.

       “What? What for?”

       “To wipe that drool off your face.”

       “LaFontaine, really?”

       “I’m just stating the facts, here.”

       They continued a small argument, but Laura turned once again and followed Carmilla’s movements with her eyes, feeling like a teenager whenever their crush was nearby.

       “Hi, Carmilla! I’m glad you could make it.”

       “Sorry I’m late,” Carmilla said as she sat down on the empty seat next to Laura.

       “Oh, don’t worry about it. So how was your day?”

       “Boring as usual,” Carmilla took a glass, began pouring herself some wine and took a sip. “And you?”

       “Oh, you know. The usual as well.” 

       Carmilla poured some wine in her glass and Laura observed her fingers, the movement of her delicate hands before moving up and looked at her profile. She felt her heart could burst that second from how much she loved Carmilla, but it reminded her once again of how much she was hurt, how much she hurt her, and of her promise to her dad.

       Once the wine was poured, they proceeded to eat their meals, talking and laughing together and even wandered around the river bank before heading back to the hill where they all lived. On the ride back to Montmartre, a particular memory struck Laura and she couldn’t help herself from smiling as the train continued transporting them from one station to the next.

       “What’s so funny, cupcake?”

       Laura turned and noticed Carmilla’s eyes fixed upon hers, but they were filled with wonder and curiosity.

       “Remember that time we beat Perry and LaF to the bar?”

       “You beat us at the bar? When?” Perry asked.

       “Don’t you remember? Carm and I were together and we met at a bar,” she looked at them both and they seemed lost. “Really? The night before Carm went out of town.”

       “Which one of them all?” Perry asked.

       “I remember,” LaFontaine exclaimed snapping their fingers. “The night you supposedly teletransported yourselves, right?”

       “Oh my gosh! I forgot about that.” Laura exclaimed.

       “You didn’t remember that?” Carmilla asked.

       “No, did you?”

       “Yeah, I do,” Carmilla answered and lowered her eyes. “I remember my legs were sore the next day.” Carmilla chuckled in the end. “I couldn’t even sit down without them protesting.”

       “I still can’t believe how much we ran that day. I think I broke my own record in running distance.”

       “I think I did too, cutie.” Carmilla’s smile slowly faded. “That was, um… that was a fun night.”

       “Yeah. It was.”

       Laura stared at Carmilla, whose eyes were fixed to something in the distance. There were so many things she remembered about Carmilla, but it surprised her about how she remembered that almost insignificant detail. And even if Carmilla was mad at her, Laura felt like they had shared something special that evening together. Just like before they were together and loved each other even if they weren’t a thing yet. They laughed and hang out together and talked with each other, that Laura felt like there was still hope for her and Carmilla to end up together.

       After they changed trains for the last time, Laura’s hand landed close to Carmilla’s, but the latter removed it as soon as she felt the contact. That small gesture from Carmilla was enough to bring Laura back from the cloud of optimism she was riding up until that moment and brought her back to a very crude and cruel reality.

       She still didn’t earned Carmilla’s forgiveness.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, for leaving Kudos, comments (criticism is always welcome) and bookmarking this fic. Follow me on tumblr puccacienta.tumblr.com and follow the tag paris-trip-au for updates or just me ranting about suffering from writers block.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S.: This fic won't be uploaded on a regular or weekly basis, it will come as I finish the chapters so be patient with me and forgive any grammatical errors. Also, I have only been to Paris twice in my life and wanted to make a story with the city in mind, so if you're French and stumble upon this, please don't be mad at me.


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